WendyJ

Hey Lyn so nice to see you back here and thanks again for the good wishes for Derek and I. As far as Pre-Nup I had never thought of anything like that as I never did that in my first marriage and also neither Derek or I believe in divorce so that will not be an issue. Is there a difference between a Pre-Nup and making out a will ?

Love Always,

Wendy

Kay,

It is strange as when Steve was alive I always told him I wanted to go first when the time came as I knew I couldn't handle being left alone, everyone here knows I really did have a rough time and there are still times that are hard. I am no longer afraid to be alone but do not want to be alone, and can not wait for the day I no longer have to.

Love Always,

Wendy

Thank you so very much Lyn...how are you doing? We have not heard from you in awhile !

Love You,

Wendy

What an interesting question...I like others do not think my husband would have done well had the roles been reversed. My husband had me up on this pedestal which had always bothered me to a certain extent, he relied on me too much, a role which I always wanted to be the other way around. I made the major decisions, paid the bills etc. but he was my world...my safety net my best friend. Steve would give you the shirt off his back...give you his last dollar...be there in an instant if you needed him. My husband suffered with a poor leg circulation problem which unknown to us later caused his death and he did alot of suffering, was constantly in alot of pain and had many surgeries because of it, not to mention loss of job and hobbies and dignity. The only things I am grateful for now is his suffering is over and he is whole again and no longer in pain. I don't think I ever asked that the roles be reversed as in my heart I knew he was now pain free and I wouldn't want him to go through the horrible pain that I went through but I had begged God to take me too so we could be together. God did not listen to me, and left me here to go on without him but He knew there was a reason for his decision, and I now realize he knew best and thank him every day for bringing Derek into my life.

Love Always,

Wendy

Jan thank you very much, you are too sweet, yes, in your instance I would have gotten rid of your recliner also ! I know what you mean about changing the routine with your dog...try 7 ! LOL Yes I have 7 little Japanese Chins who helped me get through this along with my family and my family here. As far as where they sleep..it's wherever I sleep, they never let me out of their sight. When I walk around the house I have a train that follows me all over...funniest part is when I stop, they pile up like cars on a icy roadway !

Love Always,

Wendy

That bothered me too Jan as he sat nowhere else other than that recliner but rather than get rid of it as it was fairly new I sat in it instead of looking at it and it actually gave me comfort. Same thing with his side of the bed being empty, I just switched to his side of the bed and that helped alot.

Love Always,

Wendy

Well you can add another one to that list, me too ! I tend to fall asleep in the recliner though not intentionally sleeping there. I am curious to know if like me the recliners where your husbands chair before he passed ?

Love Always,

Wendy

Kay,

Yes it was hard tonight but I got through it, hopefully they will find out what is wrong and she won't be in there too much longer...this has been so hard on my mother...she still has not fully recovered from all the chemo and radiation and she actually goes back in November for another PET scan to see if the cancer has returned.

Gee Kay that is so sad about how it happened with George...I know what you mean about seeing their body after they are gone...I sat there and held his hand for hours and hours and not one family member that came afterwards had told me that I should leave...they waited till I thought I was ready. That was the hardest thing I had to do was to leave him there all alone...the night I was able to finally bring his ashes home was such a relief...he was finally where he should be.

I still do feel alot of guilt that I did not fight to be in with him, I think in a way I almost feel like I failed him as he was searching for me and I should have insisted !

Love Always,

Wendy

Oh Kay someone else who understands what I went through. I felt so lost..so helpless..my daughter had been there with me for hours while they ran tests on him and got bored and went to take a walk as they were talking of letting him possibly go home or maybe keep him over night just for observation. Within about 10 mins of her leaving is when he coded and they threw me out and I never saw him alive or talked to him again. I prayed too..did me no good and that is why I think I lost my faith until just recently..I just couldn't understand why I had bothered...he wasn't listening..so I thought. I wish it hadn't been so sudden...so unexpected..there are so many things I would have wanted to tell him at the end mostly how much I loved him and yes there might have been things he wanted to say to me also..I will never know. I will never forgive the hospital for robbing me of my last moments with my husband, I understand not wanting us in the way but we should not be thrown out of the room like we mean nothing and not been allowed to say goodbye.

I would also like to ask that people say a prayer for my grandmother tonight, she is in the hospital with extremely high blood pressure, and heart pain. Right now with her Alzheimers she is back in the 50's and had no clue who I was...yet every so often she kept asking where my husband was...not only was I back in the hospital where Steve passed but I had to keep telling her how and when he died and each time she kept starting to cry and tell me how sorry she was. If I had not been in touch with Derek the whole time I think I would have lost it...my Grandmother just recently turned 94.

Love Always,

Wendy

I know for me before Steve's passing I was not as religious as some, believed and prayed in my own way. After Steve was taken from me I was very angry with God, especially as there are many people in this world that I believe should not be here and good people like him were taken.I do know that I was brought together with some wonderful friends I never would have met here and my new love of my life Derek. I truly do believe now things are planned and do happen for a reason even though we do not feel they are fair or understand them at first. I no longer question the why's and am just thankful for what I have now and the promise of a new family to love and be a part of.

Love Always,

Wendy

Oh I know about these flashbacks all too well...they still happen from time to time but not as often. As hard as you try and keep yourself from thinking about them they still pop up here and there and they really hurt. I still remember them physically throwing me out of the E/R room Steve was in while he was coding and he was fighting them doing what they had to do because he wanted to know where I was and to make sure I was okay, I am sure he was scared too and wanted me to be with him. When they finally let me back in after 45 mins...he was gone. I was not with him when he left...could not say goodbye to him...could not tell him I loved him....I regret now I did not fight them to stay in the room. I really thought in my heart he was going to be okay...I was very wrong.

Love Always,

Wendy

Fred I will do whatever it takes to help you to get through this just like you have done for me...that is what best friends are for.

Love,

Wendy

Well okay guys we have snow coming tonight and tomorrow...maybe only an inch or two but you never know how much so William I better send you a plane ticket and don't forget your carrot ! LOL

Love,

Wendy

Hey Corinne,

Yep you spelled Y'all right ! LOL I am so glad the court battle is over and you are back on the site even though we talked privately. We have all missed you here and are so glad you are back. It means alot to me that you support Derek and I as you and I have been friends since the beginning. Derek and I share something very special and we are so glad our family here is happy for us.

Love, Wendy

Oh he won't mind he is open to alot of things...right William ? LOL I think he would object to the coal in his mouth more than the carrot up his nose !

Love,

wendy

Corinne I will let you know so you can pop down with the girls and decorate the nice snowman ! LOL

Love,

Wendy

William wouldn't that be wonderful, you and I have been friends for so long it would be great to have you here on the east coast...we could all hang out the way we always wanted to. I know you hate the heat but could you take the cold here...55 for us is a heat wave ! LOL

Love You,

Wendy

William,

Fred and I were just talking today how here in the east we love our snow. Yes it is a pain at times with the morning commute but to us a couple inches is a dusting and we don't even bother to shovel. Like tonight with bad rain/thunderstorms there is nothing like starting a fire and lighting a few candles and snuggling on the couch with a blanket and a good movie. Denise should know exactly what I am talking about and since you are like me and don't like the extreme heat I think you would love it too.

Love You,

Wendy

Marsha I am sorry we had to meet under these circumstances but we are all here for the same reason and fully understand your pain. Deb is so right, get plenty of rest, this is a very long journey and you need to take care of yourself. You are going to have good days and bad days and horrible days but remember we are here for you and welcome you to our family. Please keep coming back and we will help you in what ever way we can.

Love Always,

Wendy

Thank you Marty, a friends group is a wonderful idea as I lost one of my childhood friends 5 months before I lost Steve, I just didn't think they belonged in together. This group just continues to get better and better !

Love,

Wendy

Hey Marty,

You know how much I love my family here and would not be where I am today without you all but I do not understand why close friends has been added into our group as I do not feel these are two groups of people that can truly understand eachothers level of grief. This is just my opinion and I would be anxious to hear some other opinions from our group also. Thanks so much for all you do for us and this site.

Love,

Wendy

Corinne you have been such a dear friend to me since the beginning and I thank you for your blessing. You and a few others here know me more personally and know how seriously I take relationships and how so very much I am in love with Derek, do I talk about anything else lately? LOL I had this same type of relationship with Steve lasting from when I was 15 till not quite 2 years ago...when I love this seriously it is forever. Derek and I know we were brought together for a reason and this is just the beginning of a beautiful lifetime together for he and I and our children.

Love Always,

Wendy

Oh Mike I can't believe you found a song about a Jersey girl and a cowboy...and the funny thing is that it is called Walk through the Bottomland without any shoes...and Derek and I hate to wear shoes ! LOL That was great...thanks !

Jeanne we have not decided yet who is moving where, we will soon though.

Love Always,

Wendy

Howdy Kay ! You are too funny ! Actually I grew up with horses so the country is in my blood...rode my first horse at the age of five. People tend to think of Jersey as like what they see in the movies like in the Soprano's but Jersey is primarily farm land and we are mostly known for our Jersey Corn and Jersey tomatoes. I also lived in Kentucky and Nashville for a bit for a student exchange program back in school. So you see I am already a cowgirl y'all. LOL Thanks for your good wishes, you are such a good friend !

Love You,

Wendy

Kim, you are just too sweet ! Thank you so much for being happy for us, you are such a good friend. As far as where we will be living we have not figured that out yet, we are just concentrating on us for right now. We will eventually figure that part out but neither is too concerned as our love is too strong to let that be a major hurdle. But I will tell you the airlines are going to make some good money off of us for awhile ! LOL I am so happy to hear also that you have started a relationship...I wish you all the best !This is just like Derek said, we don't want people thinking that these posts are for making this seem like it is a dating site...that is so not true. But we just want people to see that you can go on eventually even though at the moment you feel like there is no end to your misery. If anyone reads back on some of our old posts they will see how far we have come. We have also come to know all of you like family and want to share our happiness.

Kath, as far as the children well my two daughters are older, one is married and one is engaged so that is not a problem. Derek's son Carson does not know yet but will in time....he is 9 years old and we will make sure that however it is approached it is what is best for him as he is our #1 concern. Derek however does not feel it will be a problem at all and he will accept me very well. Thanks again to all of you !

Love Always,

Wendy