Mom's Birthday-died Feb 4th

[pennylayne]

I can't believe it's only been a month and a half since my mom died. I have had great trouble at work-noone cares if your mom dies or not here-it's not good if it interferes with work. It's the get over it and move on attitude. I feel very very bad today.

[shubom]

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. My mom died about 2 months ago and I'm sad everyday too. I still can't believe it has happened. It's shocking. Check out my post under topic, "Still going nuts after 4 months". Everyday seem like it gets harder for me. She died 1 week before her b-day. It was painful having to cancel all the plans she wanted to do. It was real painful....

Contiue to post here. We are all here to listen .....

[pennylayne]

Thank you for your understanding. I've los pets and felt like it was the end of the world, but have always gotten new ones to bring back life into the apartment. But that's not going to happen with my mom. It was so hard yesterday-being that was her birthday date-it just bought back all of the memories of being with her when she died. Pancreatic cancer just eats up people-it did that to my mom. I was holding her hand when she died. I think I'll neer get back to whatever is normal. Still having a hard time breathing-walking very slow-depressed-not fun.

[shubom]

I'm sorry, seems like you went through a lot with your mom being sick. For me, it was different. I came home from work and found my mom had passed. She went to sleep and never woke up. It hurts me so bad when I think about. I always worried about her and tried my best to take care of her after my dad passed. Moms are irreplaceable. I miss her so much. Her b-day was hard. Family came over to celebrate even though she was gone. I bought a card and a b-day cake with her name on it. I was trying to salvage what was left of her memory, because next year I know won't be the same. It never is. I often wonder too if I'll be ok someday. I'm just not sure.....

[pennylayne]

Thank you so much for your kindness. I didn't do anything for her birthday-I jsut remained very sad. Part of the trouble is I have to pretend all day at work that nothing is wrong. But I keep making mistakes-don't know how they happened! It's like skipping time for a little bit. And now I am beginning to feel the anger-it just covers the fear. I still cry each morning.

[shubom]

Ya, I cry every morning too. Especially on the way to work. And I cry at night too, before I go to bed. Ever since it happened, I try to change my schedule/routine up as much as I can. I don't want to do anything like I did before. Because, there's always constant reminders of her being there. Like, the first time when I went back to work. I had this overwhelming urge to call her during lunch break. It hurt so much knowing I couldn't! It felt like some sick practical joke. It took me a while to get over that. So now I try to change my schedule so that everything seems new. Some times I wish I could just be some one else. Just walk away and start over! I miss them so much. I cringe at all the years I have left to be here without my parents. I feel lost. And you are correct, no one cares. Absolutely no one.

[pennylayne]

I think one of the hardest parts is feel like noone knows what I am talking about!!!!!! I mean-other people have had losses-but I can't seem to connect with the people around me. One of my girrlfriends lost her mother last year-but the relationship was not like they were friends. I called my mom every morning-so I start to pick up the phone in the am. Work is one of the hardest places. No one wants to hear about it-talk about it-or even say they were sorry about it. It ws like being in a vaccuum. My boss did call me a couple of times when I was up and waiting for the funeral to happen...but once I came back into the office it was "My mother died to and I went right back to work". I guess some people just act really different to loss.