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Allowing all the feelings.....


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Beyond all, the toughest part is just allowing all the hurt, the loss, the pain, the fear to be felt and not repressed.  The more I squash it, the more it finds other ways to get out and be free instead of shoved back into the closet.  And, I am a highly sensitive person, so this is going to be felt so deeply, whether I want to feel or not.  Today, I dropped a small plate and here it comes the same feeling of being shattered all to pieces when he died so unexpectedly....and no way to put all those pieces back together, none at all.  So the last three years have been an adventure in creating what I can from the ashes of what was.  So far, so good.  And I just cry now, not so afraid it will pull me under and completely destroy me.  I MISS HIM SO MUCH.  Thank you for being the hearts that hear and allow that.  You are a real miracle....and though we have never met, it is so easy to feel your hearts.  <3

 

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Annew, I can relate to every word that you are saying. I have learned that it never helps to keep the pain inside it only does more damage in the end so make sure you vent (cry, talk, scream etc.) As much as you need to. There are so many beautiful people here who don't mind and will always be here to listen :) 

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Thank you, so much AB3, sometimes it's just got to come out.  Thank you for being one who get that.  <3

 

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Seeing a shattered plate like that must have been a visual of what has happened.  It reminds me of "all the king's horsemen and all the king's men, couldn't put Humpty together again."

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This reminds me of the song that goes it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah ...my friend played that today..

This the friend that we had spent the weekend in SC with...the friend that waited in Savannah...trekked back to the hospitals..

First time I went to their house since Kev passed...Hallelujah ....hallelujah ..it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah ....

Shes a wonderful hostes..we had a fun girl weekend ..... but still there is this cold and broken hallelujah ...going on inside...my head and heart...

Still Humming... Marie 

 

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