Young Dad Gone

[Guest Angie Burton]

I'm sitting here in a dark room, crying, trying to find an outlet for my grief. My father died 3 months ago at 58 from terminal brain cancer. This was 3 months after I was blessed to have him "walk" me down the aisle at my wedding. My mother, his wife of 35 years, seems to be handling this fairly well ...afterall, we had some time to prepare.... my siblings do not seem affected anymore either. Yet here I am crying day after day. Dad's birthday is in 2 weeks. Just the thought........

My father was cremated per his wishes and I feel so helpless. I have nowhere to go and see him. He isn't anywhere, he's everywhere....but that is so difficult. I feel as though I'm walking ina cloud..... maybe I need therapy...who knows.

I feel like I can't talk to my friends, or even my husband about all of this. Does anybody else feel so alone in their grief? I know my loved ones would be supportive, but I don't want to burden them and none of them has lost anyone close to them.... so they don't really know. My dad always called me "his lion", yet I am the weak one. Oh God I miss him so much,.

[shell]

Angie,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad over a year ago and still have feelings of loss, loneliness, unreality, and all the other emotions that grief brings up. And that feeling of being alone is VERY common, just read some of the other posts. So don't think you're going crazy or anything.

You say you don't want to bother others by talking about your feelings. I think sometimes everyone affected by the death feels that way and so no one talks about their feelings! Just try talking to the one you think would be most receptive and see what happens. They may be glad you said something and want to talk too. If not, then maybe going to a grief support group or counselor would help. And keep coming here to post your feelings, it really helps and people on this board really care.

My deepest sympathies,

Shell

[LoriW]

Angie,

I am sorry for the loss of your Dad. I am learning that my grief is definitely a journey that changes daily and sometimes from moment to moment. I lost my Mom 16 weeks ago last Wednesday. She was 62 years old and dropped dead of a heart attack in her kitchen fixing herself a cup of coffee. At first I was in disbelief and I have even felt grief for my Dad. They were married 44 years.

Now, nearly 4 months afterward, things have changed a bit. I still cry every day. Sometimes, I just get teary eyed...other times I cry hard. I too feel strange about sharing my grief with others. I think my husband is uncomfortable with it...I don't think he truly realizes how sad I am about missing my Mom. I do have one very good friend that I talk to quite a bit...she lost a brother in 2002 and I have helped her through that and now she is there for me.

I am just going to say it...It's crappy Angie. It's sad that your Dad left so young. You seem like you were very close. It's hard to understand....let yourself cry when you need to. I think of my Mom so many times throughout my day. I miss her...everything about her...my life is different and I am trying to find my way through this.

I keep a journal on my computer. It helps me to see where I have been and where I am at with my grief. It is just stuff I don't want to "burden" other people with and at times I just cry when I type the words, the feelings, the remembrances...but I need it to get through this. I vist this site too and try to find comfort in other's words who are going through the same thing. It has helped.

Once again, hugs to you...I am sorry for your loss.

Lori

[Daddy's Girl]

Angie,

I am so sorry for your loss. Many hugs

I understand the feeling of lossing your father so young. My dad had just turned 52, two weeks before he died. I was only 23 at the time (24 now). It was truely the hardest thing I have ever been through in my entire life. It happened quite suddenly. He had liver cancer and the doctors said a few months, but it only ended up being a week and a half. I was daddy's girl and some days at the beginning were so unbearable. They were down right miserable and I didn't know what to so with myself. I know how you feel about not being able to talk about it with others. A lot of people looked at me like why was I not over it yet. It takes time. One thing that did help for me was talking to a counselor. My dad was with Hospice and they offer 13 months of counseling for the family, so I took advantage of it. It helps to have an outsider listen and tell you their perspective of the situation. She really validated alot of my feelings.

When it comes to your mom, my mom seemed to be handling things okay too at first. Lately she has become somewhat reckless and a different person. I used to be able to talk to her, to an extent, but lately she has been a bitch (for lack of a better word). To you, your mom may be handling everything just fine, but she might be falling apart inside.

First things first though, and take care of yourself. Remember that its okay to cry and hurt and be upset. It takes time and eventually you'll feel better. Although you may not believe it, things will get better.

Take care,

Daddy's Girl