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Not A Kid Anymore

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That is what I became on Feb 22, 2006 when my mom passed away. I guess that sounds sort of silly when Iam 64 yrs but nevertheless that is how I feel. Iam an only child and had lived here with mom for the last 14 yrs. She was 93yrs, would have been 94 on April 15. I know Iam so lucky to have had her in my life for so long but it still a difficult life journey now without her. She was able to stay here in her home, passed away in her bed, I was there for her last breath as she finally completed her journey to the next life. I know she is finally whole again, free of pain, and can see again, one thing she had was macular degeneration, could not see at all, and dementia, which was quite and experience to see and be part of. The last year I had caregivers here as I could only do so much being I had both my hips replaced last year, 7 weeks apart, The last week, I had hospice. So here Iam, this is my first time to be alone in my life, after raising a family, and coming here with mom 14yrs ago after my divorce, I must say, it is going to be an ajustment, I always felt in control of my life but not on this issue, the crying will just come on me like waves pouring over me, I get thoughts like, well at my age, I won't have to wait long to be with mom, that sounds awful, but it's true at times. Family and friends can only help you so much now, you have to walk in my shoes to know the deepness of this pain, as all of you here do. I have been reading your posts for awhile now and decided it was time to join in. My thoughts are with you in the loss of your loved ones. Mary Beth

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Mary Beth,

I just want you to know that I too took care of my mom for the last 12 years of her life. I did not live with her, but only 4 miles away & was with her every day. I am only 36 now, & Thursday the 30th of March 2006, will be the 3 year anniversary of her death. I miss her more than anyone could ever know & my family don't seem to understand either. I wish that I was with her wherever she is now, but then I think about my children & where they would be at 16, & 12 without me, & I know I can not go to be with her yet.

I know now that mom does not have to suffer any more & she is no longer in all that pain, & that makes me feel a little better.

Stay strong & know that your mom is always there with you no matter where you are or what you do.


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