Thank You Americans

[amanda]

In may last year my mum went to orlando on holiday,she got pneumonia and was in hospital for 5 weeks before she died.the staff at the hospital and at the hotel were the best.if my mum had still been in the uk she would not have had the care and loving treatment that she got.i will never forget the compassion of the american people and will alway be greatful.

my mum was only 64 and we thought she was in good health until then,i still can not beleive she has gone and i feel that my family does not understand,my husband lost his father when he was 6 and does not remember him,he says i should be over it by now but to be honest its only just starting to sink in.it has only been this week that i have cried for more than a minute i feel a total wreak ,i know i should be stronger but i cant.

anyway

thank you amerians

[shell]

Amanda,

Thank you for the way you feel about Americans. I am so glad your mom got good care and help.

Your husbands feelings are not unusual, believe me! There are several posts on the board about the exact same subject. It just seems to be a common reaction in a lot of men! So frustrating, isn't it?

Don't let anyone make you feel that it has been "long enough" for you to grieve. Everyone has their own pace and it sometimes takes years to come to grips with it. My dad died a little over a year ago and I am not through grieving and still have days I feel like I am just going to fall apart. The best advice we all seem to give is: take one day, or even hour or moment, at a time. And please continue to post on this board. It has helped a lot of us more than we could ever explain.

You are stronger than you think.

Hugs to you,

Shell

[Guest Guest_amanda_*]

thank you shell,

It feels strange that someone else understands,until now ive kept myself busy to block out the pain.

my kids are great my eldest is 17 but i dont like to get upset in front of them,they have their own grief to deal with.

when my dad died 12 years ago i cant remeber it feeling like this and i was close to him.

maybe its because i keep waiting for her to come home from her holiday,it doesnt seem possilbe to go away and never come home.

she was brought home for her funeral but it doesnt seem like she did.

thank you for caring shell

[shell]

Amanda,

My dad died at home. I never thought about the extra grief of someone dying away from home, especially far, far away. That must make it even harder. I guess you just have to remember that her spirit is with you and always will be. I'll bet the minute she left this world, her spirit or presence or whatever you want to call it, "flew" right back to you.

Hang in there,

Hugs,

Shell

[amanda]

hi shell,

once again you seem to have words that comfort,you must be a very special person.

some people say they have felt the presence of a loved one, i wish i could then maybe i would know that she is at peace.

I believe i god and heaven but sometimes i wish she could show me a sign that it all exsists and i would then know she had gone on to a better place.

when i was a kid i was not allowed to go to sunday school or church so i have made my own mind up about religon,my dad did not believe my mum did in her own way,finding it hard when she lost my brother at 4 months old.

sorry for boring you and thanks for the replies

amanda

[shell]

Amanda,

You will NEVER bore me. I know what you mean about sorting out your own religious beliefs. I always say that I am spiritual in my own way, just not the "traditional" way. And I, too, wish my dad (or any of the others I've lost) would send me some kind of sign that would let me know they are ok, or even that heaven exists, or something! I am alwyas talking to them and saying, "Come on, one of you send me a sign!" I was driving home from the grocery store one day and for some reason I was drawn to look up at the sky (I was stopped at a stop sign...wasn't driving AND doing this!). It was really blue and I felt like my dad was looking down on me. It was just an awesome feeling and so powerful, but other than that I haven't felt anything else. I have heard that sometimes they send signs, we just miss them. Maybe I just need to look harder, I don't know.

Hugs,

Shell

[Seanboy]

Amanda, I am so sorry for your loss, our friend MartyT posted this in another forum and I thought you might like to read it if you haven't already.

Its titled;

You Should be Over “IT”

Thoughts by Sharon White, Cedar Rapids, Iowa

It’s been a year; you should be over it. What exactly is “IT?” I’ll tell you what “IT’ is.

IT is five days after the funeral, Thanksgiving Day, trying to find something to be thankful for.

IT is Christmas without the merry, and New Year’s without the happy.

IT is your first day back to work when every minute you are afraid you will burst into tears.

IT is his birthday, but there is no him.

IT is Valentine’s Day, only this time the roses are from your children.

IT is your birthday, and there is still no him.

IT is April 15 and you sing “filing as surviving spouse” – surviving, yes; living, no.

IT is springtime when everything comes alive except you, that is.

IT is Easter and everyone is singing “Let Us Rejoice and Be Glad” – there is no rejoicing and no glad.

IT is Mother’s Day and you sadly remember how happy he was when each child was born.

IT is Father’s Day and your kids spend it with you and there is an empty chair in the room.

IT is the 4th of July and the job of raising the flag has been passed on to your sons.

IT is vacation time and you go with your widowed friend, and you both cry together.

IT is Halloween and you pass out the candy, but the silly grandpa in the mask is absent.

IT is seeing your one-year-old grandchild take her first step knowing there should be one more set of arms reaching out to her.

IT is looking at the moon and wondering if he sees the same moon like the two of you always did when apart in the past.

IT is receiving that first wedding invitation that is addressed to you and your “guest.”

IT is going back into “that” church for the first time and remembering, but not remembering and feeling that all eyes are upon you.

IT is going to another funeral for the first time and feeling yourself shaking all over, too distraught to stay, but unable to leave.

IT is doing all the things you always did, plus all the things he always did, and doing it when all your energy has been used for grieving.

IT is being strong when you really feel weak.

IT is putting on a pasted smile when you are crying inside and saying you are okay when you really aren’t.

IT is dealing with titles and abstracts and bills and attorneys and doing it very well when all you really want to do is hibernate.

IT is a whole big bunch of stuff you didn’t ask for, didn’t want and can’t even give away.

IT is going to the cemetery and seeing the monument with his name, and it hits you in the face that this is real.

IT is feeling like a traitor when you get rid of his personal belongings.

IT is seeing couples hand in hand and tearfully glancing at the gold band he put on your ginger years ago and somehow not being able to take it off.

IT is approaching the first anniversary of his death and reliving it all – oh, yes, you are better, but the void is no less.

IT is people forgetting and you cry, and it is people remembering and you cry.

IT is a future of unknowns and uncertainties and emptiness.

IT is your wedding anniversary, and for the first time you really understand the words, “till death do us part.”

IT is in the first glimpse of sunrise and in your last waking breath, and even finds ways to creep into your sleep and your dreams.

So maybe when someone tells you that you should be over it by now, you should just tell them what “IT” really is!

[source: Bereavement Magazine July/August 2003. Reprinted with permission from Bereavement Publishing, Inc., 888.604.4673

That about says it all.

Thank you for sharing Marty.

Lots of love and blessing to all of you,

Sean.....................

[amanda]

hi sean,

thank you,i see what you mean it does say it all,ive sent it to a friend of mine who has just lost her husband.

from amanda