Paul S Posted April 6, 2006 Report Share Posted April 6, 2006 Just wondering what experience that others here have had with the concept of "leaning into the pain." I first heard of it at a counseling session and found it to be a useful tool to get through grief.Basically it means that you face those fears about the lost loved one, rather than running from them. It could be different things to different people, depending on the individual and their responses to grief. It could be visiting the cemetary, or touring the old neighborhood, driving past the deceased' old house (what I did, it also happened to be MY old house), it could be using/seeing their old posessions that you now have. I dunno, its something that causes pain of sorts, is connected to the loved one, and the only way you can handle it is by going thru it. Avoiding the person, place or thing doesn't help, for that's like avoiding the grieving process altogether. Sometimes you need to take a break from it for sanity's sake, but as long as you persevere when you are willing and able you may heal better. A f2f grief counseler used this analogy: a person he knows had a back ingury, their spine was crooked. It felt better for the individual to walk bent over, because in that position the spine didn't hurt. But of course, if the person continued to walk that way, the back would be deformed. The person would forever be walking about bent over. So "leaning into the pain" in this instance would mean that the person would force him/herself to walk straighter, feeling the pain of the hurt spine, but the back would heal properly, with the spine straight. Some pain is involved, but the person has a stronger, properly healed back as a result.So it is with "leaning into the pain" for those of us in grief. There are things painful about the grieving process, and we'd rather not face it, but in order to grieve well, and heal so we can continue, we have to "lean into the pain."Participating in these discussion forum may be a form of it, as talking about our loss may at first be painful. But it may be a start for some, as a lot of people would deny themselves even this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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