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I am confused by friends' actions.  Our friends are visiting our area due to their son's sporting event.  They asked- actually told - us that they were staying with us.  I explained that we have little to no furniture - we have given away and/or sold quite a bit of furniture as we are building the next step of our lives.  (I told my friend they will be sleeping on an blow bed. She then volunteered to bring their own.) We are also in the process of moving and packing.  I explained this to my friend and she explained that they were too cheap to get a hotel.  I felt guilty because they have helped us in many ways - during my angel child's treatment, since my angel's child death, etc.  Originally, the idea was pitched as them "seeing us" and "visiting us".  Then upon further investigation, they won't be around - if at all.

My feelings are hurt. I was hoping to get to spend some time with one of my closest friends. When my husband and surviving child were eating breakfast this morning, I brought up the situation. My husband explained and excused their behavior.  Simply, I stated that my feelings were hurt because I was hoping to see my friend more.

There's more to this as well.  My friend had invited herself to our house for Thanksgiving.  I was very open and willing for that to happen - then her husband changed plans due to his family's (his mom & dad's extended family's plan).  

From one perspective I can understand they are "attempting" at our friendship. Perhaps they are trying to be present - but I am not sure I am ready to have guests in our house.  For me, this is a huge commitment because I am a host. I was raised in the South - no matter how much one has or doesn't have - you feed people, you provide things to make them feel at home.

At the core of it all is this - my angel child and one of their children were the closest of friends. They told everyone they were related.   I wanted some true quality time.  Our families gathered for Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Most of the time, they were at our house because we had the room and I love to entertain.  We are in a new place. We are in a new city.  It's really rough for me right now.  I miss my old life.  

I grieve for the way things were. I miss my angel child so much - they were the youngest.  We still did Santa, Elf on the Shelf, Thanksgiving always involved a piece of turkey art and Easter was especially unique.  Their love of the holidays was one of the ways we connected.  One of my most precious memories is the sign my angel child made for their Elf on the Shelf.  They required that it be hung on their hospital door.  I miss this "magic" dearly.

I have been volunteering to help me with my focus; however, it's not same as having your own child alive.  I know I am healing and I will continue. I just had to type it all out and experience my tears.

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I'm sorry things aren't going as you'd hoped.  It sounds like these are true friends, and if so, I'd host them for the weekend, even though it sounds like it couldn't come at a worse time for you.  It sounds like they're using you for a B&B and spending their time elsewhere and that doesn't feel good.  Still, for the sake of friendship, I'd abide with it.  You've already told them you're busy packing to move, don;t have the furniture, busy, etc. and it sounds like it fell on deaf ears.  Could it be the friendship revolved around the two children's friendship?  If so, sometimes things change and maybe you didn't notice things before in your effort to make it work for their sake.
I hope for the best for you and hope you do get some quality time together beyond cooking and cleaning.  There's time company feels disruptive, when you're not in a state of readiness and didn't invite it especially.

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