Horrible..... Horrible.....morning At Work

[shubom]

I got into work today at 8am. I found out my boss was looking for me. I went to his office and when he saw me, he asked me where I was? I told him that I just got into work, etc. Then he started telling me that there was no flex schedule, and I just can't come in when I want. I told him that I had been coming in this same time everyday since my mom passed away in Jan and it wasn't a problem before. Next thing I know, he said OH, and just gave me this weird stare like I was using my mom's death as an excuse or something. I couldn't believe it, and at that moment I felt so stupid and helpless and wanted to cry. I kept a straight face long enough for me to leave his office. But then I got so angry, and went to the bathroom and started screaming and crying and hitting things. The hurt I felt for my mom, just rushed up quickly, I had not control. I'm still crying now. It's hard for me to keep a straight face. I miss her so much ! It's like he had no sympathy for how I was feeling. Am I'm just suppose to get over it since it's been 3 months?! I don't know ! It was a horrible horrible morning. I have a few co-workers who understand, so I'm glad they were there to help calm me down.

[Paul S]

Hi shubom.

I don't know if this will help at all, but something similar happened to me when a sister of mine died 18 years ago.

It was the first major death I had encountered and although due to an age difference (she was 16 years older) we weren't really that close, but we got along well. Her death still hit me hard. I was an emotional zombie for about two weeks until my then boss threatened to fire me unless I snapped out of it. We were on flextime, but we also got paid on a piecework basis, and my not doing much work created a bit of a bottleneck for the other staff. He couldn't parcel out the work very well as he cxouldn't plan for my production.

It snapped me out of it, but I raged at him (after I hung up the phone) for about 30 minutes. Not a recommended way for a boss to deal with an employee's sensitivities. I think he realized much later that it was wrong, but he wasn't he apologizing type. No matter.

For whatever it's worth, I sorta know how you feel even though the experience isn't exactly the same.

If it isn't too much, maybe try getting to work when you're scheduled to? Even though it hasn't been a problem before now, losing a job on top of losing your Mom is not another situation that you need to handle right about now. And I know all about THAT!! See if you can work up the courage to get to work on time, even though you've stated that you routinely work late to make up for it. Some employers just don't like it when employees take things like hours into their own hands. There is also the possibility of another employees having complained.

[shubom]

Paul,

Thanks for the advice. I can see what your saying about maybe coming in at my regular scheduled time even though I've been doing this particular time for a while now. It's just been so difficult these past few months. I use to come in work at 6am, because I'd get off at 2:30pm, and could go home and hang out with my mom before I had school that night. I loved that schedule. But then she died, and everything changed. I got up later and later for work. Some days I didn't want to get up at all. But finally I fell into a schedule of 8am, which seemed fine with everyone else, until today. So I have 2 choices. Either pick a set time and have it approved, or come in at my regularly scheduled time.

I think I'm feeling up to it these days, so I will try my best to come in my regular time.

Thanks for your advice and understanding. Yes, work and grieving doesn't mix well. I know what you mean about being in a trance and not getting anything done. The first few weeks were like that for me, where I would suddenly smack in the middle of the day felt horrible, and would take sick leave.

I do care about my job a lot, and I don't want it to be another 'pain in the butt' to deal with. I'm already dealing with the grief, and that's enough.

[shell]

Shubom,

People just have to add to your grief, don't they? We live in a pretty insensitive world. But I think Pauls advice is right on. As hard as it might be to deal with, I guess you'll just have to do it your bosses way, or is there any possibility that you could change jobs? Anyway, just wanted to say sorry you had such a rotten day. Hope things go better tomorrow!

Hugs,

Shell

[Paul S]

Hi shubom:

I understand why you wouldn't want to get up at all, and also the part about how you just couldn't maintain your regular schedule because it was tied in with your Mom.

The fact that you care about your job a lot should be obvious to your boss, etc.,. Anyway, you seem to know what you're doing and I know you'll do what's best. Hang in there and persevere and know that you're not walking this path alone. We're all with you.

shell is right, we do live in an insensitive world. Oh, I could go on...