Cody Angel

[djenneve]

On April 6, 2003, my 6 year old son Cody Spencer Cobb, was hit by a 47 year old woman who was driving 55-60 mph. He was with his 16 year old brother and his girlfriend. We live on 2 acres in the country. Cody never wanted to leave the property because he was scared of the "big road". My oldest son also knew not to take his younger brother off the property. My 16 yr old didn't listen that day.(we believe he was showing off in front of his new girlfriend) He took his little brother up to the "big road". Now, this is the part that we are having a hard time dealing with- We were told by my 16 yr old and his girlfriend that my 16 yr old had a hold of Cody'd hand and as they were crossing the road, Cody slipped out of his hand and was then hit by the SUV.

I have been having these "visions and dreams about what happened that day. In these visions, I see my 16 yr old having a hold of Cody's hand pulling him across the street as Cody tries to go back because he doesnt want to be up there and he's pulling on my 16 yr old telling him no, no, no, then he gets hit...(I've also been seeing the impact which I was not there when this happened)

Can someone help me understand why Im having these visions and how do I handle this grief that is so overwhelming?

Thank you for listening to me- It is greatly appreciated!

[MartyT]

My heart aches as I read your tragic story. The visions and dreams you’re having suggest to me that on some level you are still struggling with doubts about what really happened the day your Cody was killed.

While a part of you wants desperately to believe what your oldest son has told you, another part of you has serious doubts that he is being truthful with you.

Just as your older son has lost his younger brother, you’ve already lost one son and, at the risk of losing your older boy, I would expect that it becomes difficult if not impossible for you to discuss your doubts objectively with your 16-year-old.

That in itself is reason enough to seek the help of a professional grief counselor. I believe that, in the form of dreams and visions, your grief is telling you that you need a safe place to bring all the unresolved anger, guilt, suspicion and whatever else you must be feeling in the face of this horrible tragedy.

How do you go about finding this professional help? I suggest that you call your telephone operator or public library and ask for the numbers for your local mental health association or your local suicide prevention center. Either agency will have good grief referral lists. (You need not be suicidal to get a grief referral from a suicide prevention center.)

Use the Yellow Pages and call hospitals and hospices near you. Ask to speak with the Bereavement Coordinator, Social Worker, or Chaplain's Office to get a local grief referral. Many hospitals and hospices provide individual and family grief support to clients for up to one year following a death, and offer bereavement support groups to the general public at no cost.

I also suggest that you check the national office of the The Compassionate Friends to see if there is a support group near you.

This is far too heavy a burden for you to be carrying all alone, my friend, and I strongly encourage you to get going to find the help you need and deserve.

Please know that all of us are holding you in our hearts.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T