Feeling Guilty

[Monica Halverson]

My fur baby of 12 years died suddenly on Friday by being attacked by a coyote. We live in a Suburban neighborhood so I never thought this could happen! I feel so guilty that he suffered in his last hours and I didn’t help him! I didn’t hear him. He was barking a few hours earlier outside. Why didn’t I lock him in? Why didn’t I save him?

Every time I walk into our home I fall apart. My heart is so broken and the guilt is making me feel suffocated in my own body. Any advice on what I can do? He was my best friend who listened and loved me unconditionally. I failed him as a parent and I just don’t know what to do without him. Thanks for listening!

[kayc]

Monica,

I am so sorry for your loss, I know it is great and very painful.  We, their parents, feel responsible for them and think we should be able to protect them, save them from any illness or prevent any injury.  But the truth is, we are human, we don't know and see everything and don't have superpowers. Oh that we could be granted some when we have a need like this!  Living in a suburb you wouldn't have expected a coyote.  I live in the country and have never seen coyotes here, they are about 2-3 miles away from here but they don't encroach on residential area.  Our dreaded fear are cougars, they are fearless and menacing and have gotten two of my cats in the 42 years I've lived here.  The bear come but are no problem.

I say this to let you know your thinking was reasonable even though you feel you let him down, we always feel that way in grief, we wish we could protect them from anything/everything.

I hope these articles are of help to you as they have been to me, and I pray comfort and peaceful healing come your way.

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/06/pet-loss-guilt-in-wake-of-kittens.html

[Buster's Mom]

Oh, this is so difficult, I'm so sorry you have to go through this.  Just reaching out to say that this is not your fault.  I think when we lose someone precious to us it's easy to get caught up in trying to rewrite and blame ourselves. The truth is you aren't to blame, like KayC said, we don't have superpowers (although I wish we did).  Try to remember the good life you gave your baby, the happiest of lives.  I felt guilty after not discovering my cat's cancer soon enough and recall feeling "suffocated in my own body" as well, it's so hard.  

I can't say that the grief I have has gone away, but some things that soothe it are giving myself some time to sit and remember my cat, tell him that I miss and love him, look at pictures of him.  I usually light a candle when I do this, and allow myself to just cry, yell into a pillow, whatever I feel.  I write about things in a journal, I talk to nonjudgemental friends, I write things here where people understand these feelings.  

I am so sorry that you are going through this, you're obviously a loving person who loved your dog so, so much.  Just know that other people are feeling with you and you are not alone.

[kayc]

It's been 13 years this coming August since I lost King George.  I have a picture of him in my bedroom.  I will always love and honor him.  I still feel bad about what happened.  I can't say as I feel responsible, but I do blame the negligent ER that misdiagnosed him...the truth is they didn't pay enough attention to him to catch what was obvious to our country vet.  They never even apologized, they didn't care.  This cat was my family and the best cat one could have.  My little greeter.

Those articles really helped me although it was a while before I found them.