amy 2 Posted June 6, 2006 Report Share Posted June 6, 2006 Hi. My name is Amy. I'm a little over three years "in." June 1, 2003, my brother Casey died. He had a ventricular arrythmia (I know I've spelled it wrong, looks like after three years I could remember) - ventricular arrythmia?? is that thing that all the basketball players are dying from - his death was very, very unexpected. I need feedback from anyone (1 day in, 10 years in, etc.). I have two younger brothers. Casey is in heaven and Chris is in hell on earth. Chris is 22 and in college. Our family was extrememly, extremely close and we still are but it feels "weird," strained, I don't know... Anyway, that's beside the point. Chris and Casey were 2 1/2 years apart. I'm 7 1/2 years older than Chris and 9 years older than Casey. We've had all kind of things that went on before Casey died. Both Chris and Dad were in situations where it was literally a "miracle" that they lived. Then, wham...Casey died. He was the best one of us all. He was born old - you know - wise beyond his years, and it was a good thing considering that he had to deal with us. This is my problem. Chris is falling apart and I seem to make it worse. I've read all the literature, I remind him of Casey, he feels guilty that he can't help me, etc., etc. But he is acting out in ways that's scaring me. I am terrified that he will do something stupid that he can't take back before he ever begins to make it out of the "fog." He isn't suicidal, but he is extremely wreckless. He has some competition thing going on with me, which has been healthy in the past, "I bet I can make better grades than you did." Now it is separating us because he needs me to be a big sister and at the same time he needs to fill the role he had with Casey, big brother. To add insult to injury, Chris found him. Casey was face down and purple. Chris saw him again at the funeral, but his knees went out from under him and I don't think he remembers that, which wouldn't be much better. I don't' think to this day he has talked to anyone about what Casey looked like when he found him. I was not home when it happened. I got that in the middle of the night phone call. I was not here when he died and I have been so out of it myself, I have not been "here" for Chris even during that in between time. His best friend, whom he grew up with, is in rehab. His other (not nearly as close) friend gets on his nerves because he is extremely religious. (We are too, but we're a little perturbed with God right now - unfounded yes, but God is probably the only One who can take this anger). Can I help him (any little brothers out there?)? Should I try? How do I do it? I said at one point that when I lost Casey, I lost Chris, too. I am tired of thinking that way. Chris is still here and Casey is ok and I may be the only one that can help Chris. Please, any feedback will help...I'm an emotional wreck here and with all my of education, I don't know one (even half of one) thing...I'm sorry this is so long - I've never really talked about this myself. Thank you for listening and my heart goes out to each and every one of you as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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