Not ready for a relationship due to death

[Bo1987]

Hey Everyone, 

This might have bad grammar since I’m texting this on my phone. My girlfriend and I broke up this past weekend, March 1st. Here’s the whole story.

when I met her she recently lost her sister, who was also her best friend. She was drowning in pain and told me she’s not ready for a relationship. I was the typically guy to try and get with her. After getting to know her, I started to fall for her. We both hung out nearly everyday and our feelings started to develop for each other. Eventually we got together, emotionally we were strong, but we weren’t as intimate as we should be due to her pain and suffering of the lost of her sister. 

Shortly before the break up, she told me she needed to move back to her parents and figure things out. That same weekend she went to her grandmother’s (which is an hour away) To clear her mind. Usually she invites me but this time she didn’t. That’s the same weekend she broke our relationship. She said she don’t think she’s ready and she thinks that she rushed it and forced herself because she love me. 

Moving on.. she tells me that she doesn’t want to lose me because she loves me so much and doesn’t want me to leave her life. Yet, she tells me that I can go and date other people( which she doesn’t like the idea but she understands that I have my needs). I told her I can wait for her and try to help her through this tough situation. She proceeded with “I don’t want you to wait because it pressures me to get better and I can’t heal knowing that you’re waiting for me.” Which doesn’t make sense to me at all. I ask her if she still loves me and she said “I love you so much, you have no idea how much I love you. but the love I have for you is much more than a relationship love.” (She’s spanish) which confused the crap out of me. Please someone explain to me what that means and please share your experiences and advices. I’m in need of help! I hate feeling this way. What should I do? I know it sounds like me me me me, but I truly do care for her and want to help her as much as possible. It’s almost a year since she lost her sister.

 

-Bo

[kayc]

Hi, I'm sorry for the situation you're in, I know how painful and confusing it can be.  There are a certain % of people who have this grief response, they can't do a relationship at the same time as it presents pressure to them they can't handle, and everything within them is going towards their grief.  I did respond to you in the other thread as well.  She is requesting space and I'd respect that, time will tell what will happen but my best advice is to focus on yourself and let her handle herself.  I've read and responded to all of the hundreds of threads in this section and I can say when you've done so, you see a common pattern running throughout them.  I'm very sorry.  In her own way she is breaking up with you.  She does care for you, and that's what seems confusing when we're on this end, why would you let a good thing go?  But the answer again is she can't do a relationship right now and can't do the pressure of you waiting for her.  

Jim and I did no contact for months but afterwards our relationship shifted to that of friends, which we are today...no hope for it ever being anything else.  To do so would be to possibly try to go for more which can be manipulating them to what you want so it's best to respect their wishes an accept them on their terms.

[Bo1987]

I figured that’s where it’s headed and I was hoping for a different response. Reading that breaks my heart and brought me to tears. The timing is not right and that’s the crappy part😢. Thanks for your input.

[kayc]