Cat loss - feel responsible

[auroraborealis]

I lost my beloved girl 3 weeks ago. She was almost 12.

In early March I noticed she was declining. Because of the world situation, vet was recommending virtual consults first. So we did that with the recommendation to bring her in for full exam, as vet explained that there's only so much you can do virutally...but potentially arthritis or even cancer. So a few weeks later she didn't seem to be improving so I brought her in for actual exam. You're not allowed to go in, so it's not like vet exams in the past where you have more time with them. The second vet did full exam and full labs. He said he was 'surprised' (pleasantly) her labs were all good, good weight but definitely a pain issue - possibly a spinal injury. He explained that the bloodwork was to ensure safe to start the pain medication. So we started her on the pain medication and he told me to keep him updated. After about 10 days there was a slight, gradual improvement. Then 6 days later she seemed to decline again, not eating as much so I contacted him on the wednesday (should've called/brought her in). On Friday I spoke with him and asked if the med was safe, especially for long term and he assured me it was. I asked if I should bring her in or get lab values retested but it had only been 2 weeks so he didn't think so. She was still eating and drinking a little bit that night and walking around, but sleeping in different spots as though she couldn't get comfortable. I took her outside in the sun for a little bit and she was even doing her cute chewing on the grass thing. She did jump up to sleep next to our other cat which was unusual (was she saying goodbye?). Not crying out when I picked her up or anything. She scratched the door to get into the baby's room...again unusual but not unheard of as she would do that in the past but now I wonder if she was saying goodbye. Anyways, I checked on her at midnight and then went to sleep on the futon in the living room nearby her. Then I heard a terrible sound around 4 am and woke up and found her....gone...on the floor...the tail not flicking anymore, the paw just dropping down lifeless when I picked it up. I couldn't believe it at first.

A few weeks later I made the mistake of googling the pain medication she was on and there are horror stories. Part of me is angry he didn't caution me about the side effects but the worst part is that I myself didn't bother to educate myself. I trusted the vet. But I also didn't take the two seconds to read the insert or research the med. I remember it flashed in my mind to review it, but didn't for some reason.  But I had plenty of time to read the news and other useless stories. I remember thinking I was spending too much time in the morning online reading the news - if I hadn't done that would I have had more to be present and really assess her? Why was I so careless in this case? Why did I casually notice her decline on Wednesday and not insist on bringing her in?

She was the sweetest, good natured, most empathetic soul...how could I not have seen her distress. My intuition let me down.

I keep looking at photos of her from only a few months ago and she looks so nice and plump - how to know she would be gone soon after?

I see some people on here say "why didn't I bring her to the vet earlier" but part of me worries that visit resulted in this...and yet...I know she was in so much physical pain when I brought her in, hence why I thought the pain med was right course of action.

[kayc]

20 hours ago, auroraborealis said:

I see some people on here say "why didn't I bring her to the vet earlier"

No one here will say that to you!  This is so awful, we trust the vet, they are the educated one, not us, it's what we pay them for!  I am so sorry for your loss and all you are going through.

June 6 I took my Arlie (dog) in for blood tests so he could get his teeth cleaned...he'd just had a physical shortly before.  The next day results came back, he had inoperable cancer, his liver shut down.  It was a shock!  The vet never noticed anything in his physical.  I felt as you do.  I am so sorry another person has this experience.  But the fault is with the vets, not us.  Certain things they should check for and make us aware of, but most doctors are the same way.

I wish you only comfort and peace going forward.  Were you able to bury her or get her ashes back?  Sometimes it helps to do something in their memory, I ordered memorial stones for my pets when I buried them.  It helps to know where their body lays, even though I believe their spirit still is, and that is of comfort to me.  I hope you will read these articles and that this short video is of comfort and hope to you.

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm

 

[ipswitch]

I brought my kitty to the vet and we got him past the immediate crisis, but two or three months later he began to decline. We never did find out what was really wrong, but he was clearly uncomfortable, and at his age, (12-14, shelter didn't really know when they placed him with me) poking  and prodding and more tests would have only prolonged his discomfort. He'd stopped eating, and there's not much to do after that.

The pain med probably was the right course of action, you wouldn't have wanted him to suffer. You and the vet did the best you could.

Do you pay attention to the warnings on tv for side effects  on human medication? If we believed the worst, we'd never take anything at all. 

[kayc]

14 hours ago, ipswitch said:

Do you pay attention to the warnings on tv for side effects  on human medication? If we believed the worst, we'd never take anything at all. 

True...I love how they use such tiny print you can't read it or slide it by so fast you don't grasp it!  You listen to that stuff it scares you to death!  What you have to realize is most of it is a small percentage or they wouldn't allow it on the market...but then again, I'm on Metformin and it causes kidney damage, and Lipitor causes Diabetes...catch-22!