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ipswitch

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About ipswitch

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday November 17

Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    March 14, 2010
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    N/A

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  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    New England

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  1. 1) After I had been widowed, I had a FWB relationship for a while. My mind started to wander over to "If only..." on how it would work as a real partnership but it wouldn't have, for a number of reasons. I emailed him one day to tell him just what you've stated: that I wasn't going to give anyone else a fair shot unless I stopped seeing him. 2) I try to adopt the attitude that other people think of me is none of my business. Personally, I might give someone with this chaotic a personality a wide berth. I'm not sure from the sound of things he has what it takes to BE a friend. In fact
  2. Unfortunately, after a couple weeks, other people, who *haven't lost a spouse* feel like going back to normal. It isn't that they don't care about YOU: their loss wasn't like yours. Many people until they lose a life partner to death, don't get it. I'm so sorry for your loss. Keep posting, we'll do what we can. Did your boyfriend have a will? Did you two live together? How long were you together?
  3. On another forum, someone lamented that the lover went through a life change and left the poster. He or she wondered if it was all a lie. Another person replied that it was probably not all a lie, but that, "Some people don't drive the tent stakes in very far."
  4. I had a boyfriend who cheated on me. He made no effort to hide his actions, and told his friends. It was very hurtful. I certainly understand things aren't black and white. Owing to how I had been treated I guess I figured my husband deserved not to be hurt or humiliated by my indiscretions. Some of my friends would have been disappointed. One of them had just found out his partner of two decades had never been faithful, at all. For those who feel it's a deal-breaker, I certainly would have understood if we'd parted ways.
  5. Grieving can be lonely, no matter what. Since you're in a long-term relationship, (and you make no mention of leaving) I would suggest extreme discretion in who you confide in, if anyone. Not judging here, as I had an affair during my marriage. I own the fact that I betrayed my marriage vows. It lasted about two years. I don't think my husband knew. If he did, he never said anything. When it ended, I was very sad, but there was nothing I could do, and no one really I could confide in. That would only increase the chances my husband could have found out. I didn't want to hurt him (e
  6. Missy, my husband was an alcoholic, too. He didn't die from alcohol or related issues. He had lung cancer. (You can't smoke two packs a day for forty years and not expect to see something like that.) I had come to grips with his addiction, and the fact that I had no control over it, long before he passed away. I was not perfect, and I did things that hurt his feelings, and added stress to our marriage. I can't change the past. I CAN remember the things that hurt his feelings, and not say those sorts of things to my current partner. I CAN remember my deceased mother's calm, kind, tho
  7. Awww, Hon. He was 17. They don't get much older than that, and sometimes things...just happen. I had one that age, and he was fine...until about two weeks before his euthanasia. He was 'throwing clots' whatever that was, and in pain. I could blame chemotherapy for my husband's death. He was fine until then (but - he had cancer!) His treatment was more uncomfortable than his cancer had been. I had another cat treated for cancer - I regret it to this day. Her cancer wasn't painful - her treatment made her last six weeks mostly miserable.
  8. It's painful watching someone self-destruct. I tried Al-anon. I never got much out of meetings: it just seemed like so much repetition of trite sayings and slogans. The philosophy worked, just not the meetings. Actually, the philosophy works, even spilled over into other things. I found this forum helpful: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/ Pretty much everyone there is going through the same thing.
  9. I wouldn't change my phone number, but I'd stop responding. I think he's casting about for a booty call. I was in a kind of 'friends with benefits' relationship at one point. I can tell you what someone told me: the person who cares the least about the relationship has the most power. Your sweetie seems to take the path of least resistance: look what he did: maintained a relationship with one of his three exes. With that many exes, did it occur to you that he didn't spend any time between relationships to examine what had gone wrong? Then he got involved with a married woman. (Imagine D
  10. I brought my kitty to the vet and we got him past the immediate crisis, but two or three months later he began to decline. We never did find out what was really wrong, but he was clearly uncomfortable, and at his age, (12-14, shelter didn't really know when they placed him with me) poking and prodding and more tests would have only prolonged his discomfort. He'd stopped eating, and there's not much to do after that. The pain med probably was the right course of action, you wouldn't have wanted him to suffer. You and the vet did the best you could. Do you pay attention to the warning
  11. ipswitch

    New cat

    I've always gotten my pets through the shelter. I never thought a new pet as a replacement. I always thought, "There's no reason for a cat to spend it's life in a shelter, when it could have a home with me. I can't give every cat a home, but I can give one a home."
  12. My husband came close to doing the same thing, and he was in his 40s at the time. What prevented it was his mother and I pretty much leaving him no choice. I have to guess that he was in denial, too. I suspect, in his head, going to see his dad would somehow be 'bad luck', in some convoluted way. None of us are perfect. You were very young, and I suspect your Mom would have made you go if she thought it would have been useful / necessary / expected. Sometimes, too, people go downhill pretty quickly. If she was already exhausted from the effort of your visit, it's possible she was only c
  13. Oh, local superstore has free service to order 0nline/pick up at store / if you order at least $30. It's a 20-30 minute wait to go into the store, so why not? It's actually pretty slick. I can see people could save a lot of money, being able to look through your pantry and plan instead of standing in the aisle wondering "I didn't put it on the list, do I have coffee?" Unfortunately, scheduling the pickup is troublesome, as I guess they're overwhelmed. Still kind of works, though. I saw a video of people in one of the pools in question. My thought was "Ugh. Human stew."
  14. Mom has helped me greatly during COVID, and she's been gone seven years. I was tasked with sewing cotton masks. Mom had given me numerous cutting mats and rotary cutters over the years, which make the process much easier. Then, somehow, I misplaced my cutters. I remembered I was handed all of Mom's scissors after her apartment was cleaned out - we both sewed and both left-handed. I found the box and inside were MORE rotary cutters, and extra blades. I realized with work to do today, the first thing I had to do was to tidy up the sewing room (Mom would *never* let hers get this disorganize
  15. I keep my social distance, but wearing a mask makes me feel truly unwell. I had to wear one for a meeting last Friday for an hour. I noticed I wasn't the only one struggling. Colleague across the room kept unhooking one side behind her ear to breathe. I've ordered a face shield, on the recommendation of a cashier in a store who found it preferable to a mask. I don't wear a mask when I go out, which means I am barred from certain stores. I'm really okay with that, because management has a right to run their business as they wish. Plus, I'm not shopping for fun these days, just getting food and
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