Jump to content

Lost my father, my best friend :(D


Recommended Posts

For 42 years i have been lucky enough to be able to call my dad my best friend, and earlier this week In his 78th year, he was taken from me and the rest of our wonderful family.

It all started a few years ago, my dad was having problems urinating. After much convincing from my mom, and my other 3 older siblings, he went to the doctor. Doctor stated he had an enlarged prostate so he would operate and remove 70% of it.  It was a relatively easy procedure and there was no cancer in the prostate.  
fast forward to earlier this year, my father began seeing blood in his urine. He went to the doctor and they checked his prostate and said it seems normal, no need to worry. Blood test were taking and came back fine.

about two months ago he began having pain in his groin, back and shoulders. He was also always tired and barely had the energy to get out of bed.  A little over a month ago, unable to handle to pain in his back anymore he went to the doctor once again and a battery of tests were taking.  The results were prostate cancer that mastasized  into his bones.  They said he also had a weak heart so treatments were not an option.  After spending one week at home on a hospital bed in his living room in constant pain and torture from the cancer, this very past Wednesday morning, he passed surrounded by his 4 kids and his wife of 56 years.  
I was the baby of the family, dads pet as i was much nine years younger than my closest sibling.  We did everything together. He was always there for me, we spoke on the phone everyday.  My two teenage kids were like his very own children. They are also taking this so hard. The hardest part now is coming back to visit my mom and seeing her alone in the home. They were such a happy, close couple. Did everything together.  Now she is all alone. I am spending the weekend with her but have to go back home which is 2 hours away tomorrow to return to work.  I am so heartbroken to think of her sitting alone, waiting for him to come in the door as she described it yesterday.  2 of my other siblings live in the same town as her so they will visit, but she will be alone a lot :(.  
i am not sure how life goes on when you lose your dad and best friend. Everywhere i look its a memory of him. He was the kindest, big  hearted man in the world.  My stomach is always upset with the reality i will never see him again. His chair sits empty in the living room. My world has been crushed and i am not sure how to move on. If anyone reading this has any advice i would greatly appreciate it. I wish you all peace and love. 
Thank you

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Sadness42 I am so sorry for the loss of your father, I know it is tremendous.  You are right to be concerned about your mom.  Perhaps you can encourage her to come here?  It literally saved me when my husband passed unexpectedly at barely 51.  

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/08/grief-understanding-process.html

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/02/parent-loss-continuing-their-song.html

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2011/10/helping-grieving-parent.html

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you kayc, i appreciate that. My mom unfortunately is very old school and has has never used the internet or even a cell phone. She has very strong faith and that seems to be giving her strength. I left her house today to come back to the city for work and it was the hardest thing i ever did. The idea of her closing the door behind me to an empty apartment must be so hard for her :(

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

i am not sure how life goes on when you lose your dad and best friend. Everywhere i look its a memory of him. He was the kindest, big  hearted man in the world.  My stomach is always upset with the reality i will never see him again. :

This basically says the same thing about my mom I lost 2 months ago.  Im 61, and have no family except for a nephew I'm not very close with.  You don't know what loneliness really is until you're in this situation.  My mothers death was unexpected, she was 88, she went in the hospital for a heart valve replacement and it seemed to have gone well but 3 days later she was gone.  I cannot stop replaying in my head the short time I was able to visit with her before she passed.  I am scared and don't see any future for me.  I have a few supportive friends, but it doesn't help much. Some I wish they'd call but they don't
  Somehow I am able to play tennis about 2 hours most days and i don't think about my mom, but I often cry as soon as Im finished. I wouldn't harm myself, but I sometimes think I welcome some terminal illness. When my mom passed, she took half of me with her.  I was somewhat depressed before this, but now it's unbearable.  I'm totally broken

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just now, Gary B said:

i am not sure how life goes on when you lose your dad and best friend.

It doesn't just "go on."  It takes much time to PROCESS your grief, learn, adjust cope.  And much more time yet to find PURPOSE.  And more time yet to REBUILD a life you can live.  I had to do this following the early sudden unexpected loss of my husband...he'd just turned 41 and looked the picture of fit and healthy!   Maybe three years for me to process?  A few years more to find purpose, a few years more yet to build a life I could live.  Then COVID hit and put me back to ground zero.  Life is continual work and struggle it seems!

It helps to not isolate, but how do we do this in this horrid pandemic!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...