Flying back for the funeral

[mik]

It's hard to have time to grieve when you have to arrange your flight back to your hometown, figure out what to take, arrange car rental, a place to stay...I can't stay at my moms, it would hurt me too much with all of those reminders starring me in the face. I can't think straight. I have a sitter for Lucy and Mingocat for the next 2 weeks. Even the cats who get along with each other are fighting Now?  I'm short tempered and everything is hard to do. I am whining and I know that. I just moved to SC and we bought our house in May. When my husband and I were looking, "I "was looking for a house mom would love & that she could get around in. I should have been looking for a house for me and my husband and adding mom. Now I don't want to live here. It's too far away from Myrtle Beach (1/2 hour and the nearest town is 15 minutes away. I don't want to be home in PA Either! I don't know what I need...I haven't made any friends here yet, mom kept me too busy. Now I have no desire to make this my home. I want to move. I know it sounds like I'm running away and I probably am. That seems to be what I do when I am stressed and can't take it anymore. Sigh...I'm lonely here, the only support I have is you all and my husband. I have  to realize that nothing is going to fix this or make it better.  Moms gone.

 

[kayc]

20 hours ago, mik said:

"I "was looking for a house mom would love & that she could get around in. I should have been looking for a house for me and my husband and adding mom. Now I don't want to live here.

This is part of a caregiver's dilemma, giving up so much of yourself for the other person.  It's okay to feel as you do, you're in that in between time of adjusting and it's a lot, very hard.  Give yourself time to figure it out, right now just get through what you must.  The animals undoubtedly sense your turmoil/emotions and are responding to it.  Deep breaths.

I'm taking a friend for cancer port surgery 1 1/4 hours away from here in the dark, rain, high winds, leave her house at 6 am.  Have to get groceries for both of us.  Going to be a long day.  Praying there's no accidents, trees blown down, elec. out, etc.

20 hours ago, mik said:

nothing is going to fix this or make it better.  Moms gone.

(((hugs)))

[mik]

May God protect you in your journey helping others!

[kayc]

It went well except Jazzy pulled Kodies collar/tag/carabiner off and I couldn't find it, they have a big property with lots of brush, bushes, etc. so he's wearing Lucky's old faded worn out collar with no tag, will have to get one made next time I'm out of town in a couple of weeks.

So glad the hwy had no accidents or trees across it, it was dark, rainy, windy!  She's home recovering so she can do chemo.

[MexicanLena]

I am sorry for your loss.  It is always hard to realize that you now have all this time for you.  My mother is still with me; she is fighting and so am I. but I know that this battle will end in only one way.  There is only one possible outcome and I am so not looking forward to that.  But I know that, probably for the next summer I will not need to close the house at dusk; that I will have more time to work, that I will not need to wake up every hour to turn her in bed because she can't do it for herself...

We bought a house thinking on living a good, peaceful, long life.  It has been good, our tormentor is gone and that brought us peace.  Long.... well, not as long as I would like and I have cried far more than I would have liked to, I know that is life, I know that it is how it is supposed to be but I do understand you.  Now what? I am afraid of the day I call "Mom!" and there will be nothing but silence.

However, my heart tells me otherwise.  I am crazy I know and it might bring you little soothing, but I believe that moms tend to let us know they are good and safe.  I am planning on going back to smoke just to rattle her to come and nag me not to do it.  

[kayc]

Welcome here!