My father unexpectedly died 6 months ago, why do i feel like i’m going to die soon too?

[Kayana]

Hi, I’m back

I wanna give a quick update on how things are right now and how i’m dealing with my father’s death.

I had my birthday a little over a month ago now, and things are really going wild. Anxiety is really spiking and I’ve been having frequent panic attacks, I never had one before I started dealing with grief. After my father died, I am genuinely petrified with the idea of death and the idea that I can’t escape death, even more when I realize that I am very much vulnerable and can die anytime. Maybe it’s the fact that not even my father could escaped death, it hits me really hard because he’s my hero, my protector, and someone who leads and teaches me. Being the complete opposite of my father, i feel really vulnerable and it messes up my mind. Ever since the 2nd month after his death, I haven’t skipped a day without thinking that I will die tomorrow, even when there’s really nothing to worry about. I’m physically healthy, and I’m only 20 years old. I can’t disassociate the things that my dad experienced before he died (like attending concert, eating the same food as his last meal, or singing) as a sign that I’m going to die as well. It’s tiring, and I want this to end. Is this really the sign that I’m dying? or is it just a normal reaction to the realization of my mortality? every little things make me overthink about my death. Even though I’m really terrified right now, i believe that it really has something to do about my grief towards my father’s death bcuz I didn’t experience any of this prior to his death. Any advice will be very helpful, thank you!

[Kayana]

@MartyT hi miss, i remember that you replied to my previous post, i think i really need your opinion on this one since the last one was really comforting and assuring, thank you so much!!

[MartyT]

Although anxiety and panic attacks are not at all unusual in grief (see, for example, Anxiety and Panic Attacks in Grief and Coping with Anxiety and Panic Attacks in Grief) it's clear that you're still struggling. You've asked for my opinion on this, and as I indicated in my previous response to you, my dear, I think it's essential for you to find someone with whom you can share your concerns, especially since you're still feeling this way. A qualified grief counselor or therapist who specializes in traumatic loss can be most helpful in guiding you toward a better understanding of your reactions and what you might do to manage them. Struggling with anxiety all by yourself is difficult and unnecessary! Help is available, if you're willing to put forth the effort to find it! See Finding Grief Support That Is Right for You ~ including the related resources listed at the base. I encourage you to think of face-to-face grief counseling as a gift you can give yourself ~ and it can change your life for the better.  ❤️ 

[MartyT]

I just read an article that made me think of you: 'After my mum died, I couldn't find the support I needed, so I set up my own community'  ❤️