She's Gone

[Maylissa]

Hi Serl,

I'm glad your trip was better than expected, and still sorry that you're feeling pain, though that's to be expected, as we know.

For me, it's been an absolutely terrible week...that getting-harder-because-each-day-without-her-is-one-MORE-day-without-her part of grief. I'm also suffering alot of guilt now, which I didn't have before now. I need to make an appt. with her local vet, to ask her if there WAS anything else we could/should have done, testing-wise, that might have, or could likely have, helped her last awhile longer. My H and I discussed my guilty feelings yesterday, and I was HORRIFIED to find that at the end of it, he actually AGREED with me that maybe we made a mistake with Nissa, too, similarly as we'd done with her brother!!! Here, I'd counted on him to talk me out of it, as he's usually able to do, yet he didn't. So now I'm in even MORE pain.

[avsqr_dancer]

Hi Maylissa,

I'm so sorry that you now have the added burden of guilt over your dear Nissa to deal with. I also am sorry that your husband agreed rather than trying to talk you out of it. Could he perhaps be projecting his own feelings of grief onto you? I sincerely hope that your seeing the vet will put your mind to rest.

I understand the "what ifs" and also know that intellectually they are not only useless, but also harmful to our overall recovery, but that emotionally we cannot help but feel these feelings. We were their mommas so we always think that we should have been able to do anything to save them, even if we really know that cannot be true.

I keep hoping that you will begin to feel a bit better, and will continue to pray that you will. Let us know what the vet tells you.

Serl