avsqr_dancer

Hi Shelly, I do remember you talking about Chelsea's lump. Did your brother ever take her to the vet? I know that you feel guilt, but I agree with the others here who say that you did what was best for her at the time, and I also believe that she understands that somehow. And I know she can feel your love every time you visit her. I understand your anticipatory grief, as I have experienced it myself, esp these past 2 years with all my losses. No one here thinks you are nuts for wanting to be with her when she dies. It is totally understandable. I am sorry that you are having trouble conveying your feelings to your brother, but hopefully you can make him understand that no matter how he feels, it is very important for you to be there, if at all possible. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

I am so sorry for your loss and I know how difficult it is for you right now. I think that making the decision to put down an animal is one of the most difficult ones we will ever make, but also one of the most humane. Once an animal is suffering and we know there is nothing more that can be done, by letting them go and end their suffering, we are committed an act of true unselfishness, doing what is best for them, not for us. I had to make the decision to put down my precious Tawny, my dear dog who was only 1 1/2 years old, but had kidney failure. No more could be done so my DH and I decdided to let her go and to euthanize her before she could suffer any more needlessly. But I couldn't stay with her because I was crying too hard, and I didn't want to upset her any more. But I agree with Marty, and as hard as it was, I admire you for being able to be with her at the end. You and your family are in my prayers. I do not know what I believe about an afterlife for anyone, but I would like to believe that I will see Tawny again and that she is fine now whevever she is.

I am so sorry that you continue to feel such pain over your loss. Unfortunately it does take take to feel better, and the amount of time will vary from person to person. Although we all want to escape this horrible pain, the truth is the the only way over it is to go right through it-not comforting, I know! Give yourself some time and try to be patient. Also certain events can come up-like picking up her ashes-that only bring it back to the forefront. I also cried so much the first few weeks. All I wanted was for the pain to go away, it was unbearable. For me, it was so intense that I never thought I'd feel better. What I did find though is that the amount of time I spent feeling bad did seem to lessen each day, and also within a few weeks the intensity lessened also. I could not even look at her pictures for months without crying. But just lately, I am able to look at them. It still makes me sad, but also I can remember what a joy she was in our lives for the short time she was with us. Again everyone's experience is different, and although I cannot take away your pain, perhaps this will give you some hope, ate least!

Perhaps you could offer to take her to the vet, but offering in a way that shows that you just want to help out because he may be busy with other things? Please try not to think the worst. Unfortunately, I understand because I am the same way. But there could be so many explanations for the "lump" you felt. Also if you do think you brother IS hiding something, maybe just confront him on that issue. Good luck.

Marty, the questions did get me thinking about certain things again, and I definitely think this is a real step in the right direction. Maylissa, I think that most reseachers use questions so they can better compare answers and compile data, but you do make some very valid points. I don't mean that it is a stretch to compare human relationships to animal relationships. I have learned through my Tawny, Tanner, and Sweet Pea just how special and important these animal relationships are. Honestly, I have had animals before, but never felt the way I do/did about these 3 dogs. I guess it was just the way some of the questions were worded, which seemed more appropriate for human relationships, although I can't think of the wording right now. Another good point you made about too vague when asking for the important relationship earlier in your life. I just assumed she meant as a child, so I said my father without hesitation. Had I chosen an older age, my answers would have been quite different. Anyway I hope that they can use our answers and others' to really do some good stuff on this much needed, understudied area.

I too want to add my sympathy for the loss of Daisy. Marty is right. We do understand because we too have gone through the pain of losing a beloved pet. The grieving process is unique for each person. But for me, I can tell you that it has gotten easier with time. I still miss my beloved Tawny, who I had to put down almost 10 months ago due to kidney failure when she wasn't even quite two years old. She had a lttermate, Tanner, who is still with us, thank goodness. I am sure thought that he mourned her loss too in his own way because he reverted back to some of his less desirable puppy behaviors. I also think, as Marty pointed out, that he was reacting to my deep pain and grief. But he too got better, and my DH and I decided to get another puppy from the same person who owns both the parents because they are such terrific dogs-they are corgi-daschund mixes. When/if to get another pet is also a unique, very personal decision. It was a difficult one for me as well, but it worked out for all of us, and I am glad that I did that. I will keep you in my prayers as you go trough this difficult grief journey.

Hi there, Maylissa and Marty, I also filled out the survey. I am glad to see that research is being done on this topic, and would be interested to see their results. But I also found some problems with the some of the questions, and the way their were worded were confusing at times. I had a different interpretation than you, Maylissa, regarding pets as substitutes for human relationships. Both sets of questions were the same, for human and pet companions, weren't they? What I thought as I went through the survey is they were trying to see if we relate to our animals the same way that we relate to humans, and if we have the same issues (positive and negative) with them both. But I think that some of the questions were a stretch for animal relationships because although there are some similarities, there are also unique aspects to both kinds of relationships. Ah, as I am writing this, I now see your point, Maylissa. Duh?! I am also glad they had room for comments because I had stuff to say also. I didn't look at the other link that you provided yet, but since Maylissa said it is long-distance, I will not be able to participate in that one.

Hi Maylissa, Thanks for taking the time to respond and also for all the information you provided. I really do appreciate it. You have certainly given me a lot to think about and a lot to consider.

Hi, I am looking for anyone who has contracted an animal communicator and asking what was your experience was like. Most of you know my story, but for those who don't: 8 months ago, I had to put down my precious dog, Tawny due to kidney failure. She was only 1 1/2 years old and her loss devastated me. Although I miss her terribly, what I have found even more difficult is that I still worry about her and wonder how she is. Is she okay and happy, or is she feeling sad and alone without us? I don't really know what my beliefs are concerning the afterlife or about communicators either. But I have thought about contacting one before, and after Marty suggested contacted one, I am considering it again. I would just really apprecitate anyone's feedback, positive or negative, and also how do I even go about finding one that is reliable and good? Thanks in advance.

Ann, What a beautiful story and so true. I am sorry for the loss for your cat, but I bless you for rescuing this cat and giving him such a good life.

Thanks, Marty, for the mention of these articles. I will definitely take a look at them and really appreciate you passing them along. Actually I have considered consulting an animal communicator, but I am not really sure how I really feel about that-do I believe or not? But it is certainly something that I continue to consider. I'm not sure how I'd even go about finding a good, reputable one, maybe there are others on this board who can give me some imput on this. Thanks again.

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post, Maylissa. I so appreciate it, especially because of the grief you are still experiencing. You did indeed take wonderful care of Nissa, and I too am sure that is what helped prolong her life. Not only does everyone grieve differently and also in their own "time" and way, but also each death brings on its own unique grief. As much as you grieved Sabin, you still had Nissa to care for and to comfort you. Marty- I know that what you wrote was for Maylissa in particular. But I found some comfort in it too. I am also in therapy, and one of the things that I discovered in my sessions is that as much as I miss Tawny on a daily basis, that is not what hurts me the most. It is her untimely and totally unexpected death that continue to haunt me. She was just TOO young and I feel it was so unfair and that she was cheated out of her life. Even today, I continue to worry about her and wonder if she is okay. Upon my therapist's suggestion, I have tried to repeat to myself that wherever she is (?) that she is okay, but I find that easier to believe some days than other days. That is why I found the section on visitations so meaningful, and I will reread it and try to work on this to see if I can received a visitation from her. I just so want to believe/KNOW that she is alright. And like Maylissa, although I too want to do some kind of memorial, I continue not to be ready. Just writing this has brought new tears and I know that looking at her pictures still has the same effect. So I appreciate your imput as well and also knowing that it is not abnormal to have such a strong reaction to a pet's death. There is no one else who understands why the death of Tawny impacted and devasted me so much more than the death of my parents, and sometimes I wonder that myself. But it is what it is and I am grateful that there is one place where others understand. Serl

Hi Maylissa, I have also been wondering how you are doing and am so sorry to hear that you are still struggling and in so much pain. It is a very difficult process and it definitely takes a long time and is different and unique for everyone. It can not be rushed no matter how much you want to or wish it could. Lately I have been thinking about that saying "time heals all wounds" is not really completely accurate. Although for me, time has eased the pain, it has not completely healed it and I do not really think that I will ever completely heal. Hearing about all these pet food recalls and that they have caused kidney problems and kidney failures is only bringing all the horror of Tawny's illness and death back to me. That must be hard for you too since Nissa had kidney trouble as well. As for getting a new pet, I think it is an individual thing for each person. I admit to getting Sweet Pea because I wanted to ease the terrible, unending pain I felt in the loss of Tawny. What I found for me is that it did help-it got me focused on something else, as she was a young puppy, and I had all the responsibility of housebreaking and training her. She seemed to be the only thing that could bring me a smile or even some laughter in those early days. But I still mourned for Tawny's loss and felt the pain. Anyway, it wasn't an easy decision, but it was the right one for me. I will continue to keep you in my prayers and thoughts and hope that with more time, you will start to feel better.

Lori, It does not sound crazy to me at all. My situation was very similar to yours. We had to put down Tawny, who was only one and half years old due to kidney failure. It was devastating and part of the reason for that is what you said about Einstein-she did not get to live a normal doggy life and grow old. It was SO totally unexpected. This was almost 8 months ago and still it is difficult some times. But we also got a new puppy very soon after we put Tawny down-from the same owners (who had both the parents) as Tawny's and her littermate, Tanner. The only difference is that we did know about the puppy-the owner worked with Rick and had told him that he had one female puppy left from his latest litter. My idea was to just go look at her, but of course, I had to take her home once I saw her and held her, and I don't regret it.

No, I do not think it is wrong at all to take in another pet to love. I really think that each person must make this decision for her/hiself. Some may say you "should" wait for whatever reason or for "X" amount of time(?), but I think that you should let your heart be your guide. I did get a new puppy not that long after Tawny died. I wasn't sure that I was doing the "right thing." But I am glad now that I did. She was the only thing that could get me to smile or even laugh through my tears over Tawny's loss. I think it was a good thing for all of us-for Tanner to have a new playmate after losing his littermate, for my DH also (who was sad, but isn't one to show it) and for the new puppy-now 9 months old too! Hopefully your husband will soon be able to let a new pet into his heart and into his home. It is heartbreaking to loved a pet, but they also bring us so much love and joy that I think it is worth it!

Ah, Steve, I am sorry to hear this, but I also believe that you are making the right decision. When our vet told us Tawny's diagnosis, he also said that if it were his dog, he would put her down then to avoid anymore suffering. But he also told us that there was one treatment to try-IV feedings-and although I could tell he didn't have much hope that it would work, I had to try it, esp. cuz she was still so young. In the end, it did buy us another week with her-time for her to say her goodbyes, and time for us as well-and for her to also have one more good doggie week, but then her numbers shot up again. So watching for the signs that would show she was worsening, we ended up taking her to the vet to put her down before she suffered anymore needlessly. Although it was the hardest decision I've made in my life-even harder than letting my dad go by not allowing any extradionary measures for him-I know that we made the right decision. I will continue to keep you all in my thoughts and to pray for you and your daughter to have the strength to get through these difficult days ahead. Thanks for keeping us updated.

Hi Steve, I have read your posts this week and have wanted to reply, but I kept waiting to find those "magic" words of comfort that I know don't really exist. But I do want to let you know that I am adding my support and sympathy to the others here who have responded. How is your DDog doing today? It definitely helps to write in and to read the other posts/responses on this board. I had to put down my precious girl dog, Tawny, 7 months ago even though she was only 1 1/2 years old. I started using this board after I got the devastating news that she had kidney failure, and although we tried to save her, it was too late, and we had to let her go. I found that one of the few comforts I found in those early days was writing and reading both on this board and emailing all my friends. But for me the old, tired adage, "time heals all wounds" pretty much held true. It didin't really completely heal it because I still think of her daily and feel sad over her loss and often will still cry then. BUT both the intensity of the pain and the amount of time spent crying over/feeling this awful pain have dimished with the passing of months. I also have her littermate, Tanner, still with us (he is now over 2 years old) as well as her cat brother, Scooter, who is now 7 years old. Finally I decided to get another puppy from the same doggie parents because they have proven to be such sweet, good, and precious companions. They are mini-daschund/corgi mixes. She is now almost 9 months old, and I named her Sweet Pea, which was my nickname for Tawny. Now everyone has a different opinion on when or if to get another pet after the loss of one so dear to you. I can say that it did help me although she did not replace Tawny. But I did find that for awhile, she was the only thing that could get me to smile or even laugh, and having to concentrate on her training-i.e. housebreaking etc.-although exhausting, was also good for me. Okay, glad to see I didn't have much to say-LOL! You and your DDog are in my thoughts and prayers. Serl

That is great news!!

Derek, I am so sorry to hear of the impending loss of your sister's dog. It is very difficult and sad indeed. I am sorry that you will not be able to see this dog one last time to say goodbye. You are dealing with so much now with your anniversary soon to come up. I understand how you can feel like it never stops, it certainly does feel like that at times. You and your sister are in my prayers.

I am so sorry to hear of your double loss-that must be devastating indeed. I hope that time will help heal your pain. I know it has for me, but it is a slow process, and I will never forgot Tawny or be completely over her. But time has definitely eased the horrible, intense pain of those first days and weeks after we had to put her down. Your are in my prayers as are you dear Katie and Gizzy.

I just want to add my support and sympathy to the very difficult situation you are now facing. Although we cannot(unfortunately!) take away your pain, we are here for you to listen to you whenever you need us. We have all lost beloved pets so we know the pain it causes, as well as the love and joy that a pet gives so freely to us. My heart goes out to you. As difficult a decision as this is for you, it definitely sounds like you are making the right decision for your dear Katie-the ultimate unselfish act. I wish you peace and healing as you travel this difficult grief journey ahead.

Dear Snowball's mom, What a beautiful heartwarming story! I am sorry for the pain of the loss you are feeling now. And you are right-there are many of us here who share in this pain and understand the deep attachment to an animal and its profound loss. Kim, My name is Serl. I hope that getting a new kitten will bring you at least some comfort. Everyone has a different take on if/when to get another pet after such a deep loss. But I want to share my story with you. Soon after Tawny died, I did get a new puppy, who happened to be from the same doggie parents as Tawny was and Tanner( her littermate) is. They are wonderful, sweet dogs and no animals before have given me the joy or captured my heart so completely as they have. My husband works with the owner of these dogs so that is how I heard about this puppy. He said that she was the last one left of the litter and needed a good home. So I went to look at her and held her, but still I didn't know what I should do-if I should take her home. But I did and I never regretted it!! I named her Sweet Pea, which was my nickname for Tawny, and she provided me so much comfort esp in the first days following Tawny's tremendous loss. No, she didn't replace Tawny, and the pain was still there, and the tears still flowed, but she was also able to provide me with smiles and some laughter. As I needed to housebreak her (she was 6 weeks old when we took her home) and other training, it helped me stay focused. So out of the tragedy came some good/ something positive. I know that we provide a much better home for her than the original owners do, and we saved her from going to the pound (if he couldn't find her a home). Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that getting a new pet soon after did work for me, and I also hope that it will help you too. Like I said, she didn't replace Tawny, and 7 months later, the pain is still there, but tempered with the love I have for Sweet Pea and for my also precious boy, Tanner.

Dear Peg, I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am to hear of your loss. It is so difficult to lose a beloved pet. As you have already said, time will help, but you will always remember and miss him. That is how I've found it has been with Tawny, my precious dog that I had to euthanize 7 months ago. Time has helped heal the worst of the pain, but there are still times when the pain will return, and I know that I will never forgot her. She was only 1 1/2 years old when she had to be put down due to kidney failure so I also know the pain of losing an animal "too soon." And the year before both of my parents died 7 weeks apart. Why does it always seem that losses come in groups like that? Thank you for sharing your pictures of Willy-he was absolutely beautiful. I wish you peace in your difficult journey of grief and let us know how you are doing.

Your beautiful tribute to Misty-cat also brought tears to my eyes! I am so sorry for your pain, and for your guilty feelings. I do understand where you are coming from. I had to also make that horrible decision to put my precious Tawny (one of my dogs) to sleep. Although she was only 1 1/2 years old, she suffered from kidney failure. We also tried everything we could, but when we were told nothing more could be done, and she would only continue to suffer more and more as she got worse, we decided to end her misery sooner, rather than later. I also felt guilt over this decision and suffered with the "if onlys?" Although it is natural to feel this, it does not help us through our grief journey. Reading your letter, it is very clear, how much you loved her and all that you did for her. I have no doubt that she also felt your loved and appreciated you for it. You made one of the hardest decisions in your life, but you did it out of love for Misty. When there is no more that can be done, then we let then go to end their suffering. I hope that you will feel better as each day passes, and that your guilt will dissipate. We ARE here for you because we too understand the pain of the loss of a pet only too well! Write us again to let us know how you are doing.

You have done some wonderful things as tribute to your dear Babe and I commend you for that. You didn't say whether or not you live alone. I was only wondering because you mentioned the nights as being the worst. Although I live with my wonderful husband, and 3 remaining pets, I too find the nights the hardest. Although it has been 7 months since I lost my prescious Tawny, I still find myself crying many nights and missing her the most then. I also try to keep busy most days. I am glad you joined a gym because that is doing something good for yourself. I hope as time moves on, you will start to heal, and some day you may be ready to take in another rescue pet. But only you can tell when that time is right. Just know I do care and do understand.