Anybody Here Lost A Girlfriend In Her Twenties?

[Aljosa]

Hi,

it has been 6 weeks since I lost my girlfriend in a car accident. I was studying abroad and she had an accident when driving to the airport on her way over to visit me... I am at home now, with no problems whatsoever (job, money, friends, things to do....) except... We were together for almost 3 years, were not living together yet, but planed to move in together in half a year and planed to have children a year after that. Life was very very good to me until a month ago, I have a great family that is always there for me, and I somtimes joked that they loved my girlfriend even more than they loved me (which was true in a way)... :-)) Plus, she was also my best friend, I never had such a good friend before and that makes me miss her even more... I am 27 and she was 25.

According to what I read about grief and beravement (on the web) I am doing OK, with good times and bad times and terrible ups and downs. I have no problems with crying and gieving in general and can talk about her and what I lost wihtout difficulties. I can cope with the day to day living (work, studies, etc.) with no big problems, sometimes things just take much longer than before but I think that's normal.

Anyway, although I rationaly "know" that the way things are right now (constant ups and downs with no visible progress whatsoever) is the way it is supposed to be, but I am still extremely unhappy with the way I feel. I do everything I am supposed to do, talk about my felings, cry whenever I can even if it is in public, I never avoid special places or try NOT to think of her or us. But there is still no progress and I also have no long-term plans for the future (as said, I planed starting a family) and I am the type of person that plans something all the time. I would do ANYTHING to make things start going better, but - obviously - nobody can tell me what to do for the simple reason that there is nothing to do...

What I miss is talking to someone with a similar experience.

I have spent quite some time on the internet but I haven't managed to find many info for people in my situation. We weren't married, didn't have children and were not living together yet, but we planed all that, didn't even discuss it much because it all seemed so normal and natural to us... Sometimes I say that I can "remember" those times in future when we "were" living together and "had" children. For me it was not a dream, not even a plan, it was simply something that was there, all that was separating me from it was some time to pass...

Anyway, while there is a lot of info on grieving on the net, there is hardly any specific info for people in my situation. Is there anybody with a similar experience? How did you cope with it... Any tips on dos and donts?

Were your new partners able to understand you, were they threathened by the fact that if it wasn't for the dead of your loved person, you would never be with them (the new partners). Did you go on compareing the new person to the person you lost?

Etc...

Thanx, take good care of yourselves,

Aljosa

[goldsunshine897]

Hello Aljosa,

Your situation sounds similar to mine. I don't know if I can be of help to you but you have helped me feel like I'm not alone. You see I am 33 and my boyfriend was 49 when he passed, but both of us look more than 10 yrs younger than our age. I guess I'm a widow but that label seems strange to me because of my age. My coworkers are surprised that someone so young is a widow. If you are ready to date then I guess you are coping very well. As for me it is way to soon to even contemplate it. Besides I would probably talk about Bruce all the time. I too feel numb when I'm busy or if there is too much going on. But if I sit quietly and think about him, or hear one of his songs playing, I feel the growing lump in my throat. That's why I don't want friends coming over to "comfort" me, or force me to go out because they distract me. I want to sit quietly and remember. Does that make sense? Well anyway I want you to know that you are not alone.

[stephw]

Hi Aljosa,

I am also in a similiar situation. I am 27, my fiancee was 29 and passed away 25 days before our wedding. We have been together just about 6 years and lived together for just over 4. I don't know how much I can offer you since I am on week 9 now and just missing him like crazy! Its going to be hard going through my life without Seamus (Shay-mus). Its like we had our hole plan worked out and ready to go and now the plan belongs solely to me and I have to get back on track with it.

I am sorry about the loss of your girlfriend. It is hard when you weren't married. I am not sure what to call it, I am not widowed, but am I? I know I probably didn't help much, but know you are not the only one who has lost a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Stephanie