I Lost My Mom, My Best Friend, My Counselor

[Bertha]

I lost my mom on September 8th, 2006. I found this sight a couple of days ago because I was so desperate to understand what is going on with me. I miss my mom so very much. She was in Hospice Care since May 2004, my life revolved around seeing that she and my dad and my husband and two children, (teenagers), were taken care of while also trying to work. It was hard, but I wish I could still be doing it, I feel like I am out of control at times, nothing seems to satisfy me. I feel that I fuss at my husband and children and I don't want to do that, I miss my mom so much. I am used to calling her ever little bit and we talked about ever silly thing. My daughter had surgery on Dec. 18th, and other than our pastor, whom I am very glad was there, called to check on her, I wanted to call my mom, because mom always made things seem better. She would have called 50 times and called everyone she knew and told them about her baby, because that is how she felt about my kids. I have read over alot of the different entries and they seem to be saying the same as I feel. Will I ever stop longing to see her? Just to talk to her....I know she was so tired and she was ready to go home. We had such a special relationship, I feel the few friends that I have/had are tired of hearing me whine/cry over her. I just miss her.

[AnnieO]

Bertha,

I am so sorry for your loss. I felt like I was reading a description of my relationship with my mom as I read your post. We too, used to call eachother all day long, to talk about everything and anything. We never ran out of things to say! I find myself contantly thinking thru-out the day "oh, I should call my mom ". My mom died Dec.7th. I feel like I am coming out of a fog, the numbness is slowly lifting. But, now I am so sad. I cry so often.

I understand when you said you wanted to hear your mom say, "I love you,hon". I wish I could hear my mom's voice , one more time. I wish I had some helpful things to say...I understand your pain. And I believe we will get thru this awful pain and our hearts will be filled with wonderful memories that make us smile. we will always miss them, but I know for sure that we were so lucky to have had such wonderful relationships/friendships with our moms.

Take care of yourself. Be sure before you go to bed tonight, to hug someone you love.

[LoriS.]

Bertha, I posted a reply to you on the board that I originally started.

AnnieO...a big hug for you!

Lori

[lorikelly]

Bertha

I lost my mom in july of 06 and i feel exactly how you feel. some days i still think it is a nightmare. i come here alot b/c these people are my friends now and they are wonderful. they understand when noone else can. i ache for my mom some days. i just take one day at a time and somedays just one moment at a time. keep coming here we will all be here for you . Lori

[Bertha]

Lori,

I thank you for taking time out to tell me this, I am sorry for all of you, but I am glad that someone understands how I feel. I guess this seems really silly, but the first night I found this sight I started reading each of your stories, and I related to them, I wanted so badly to reply and post something but I couldn't because I was new and had to go through the process. So, I went to my bedroom and got a notebook and started writing things that I wanted to say to my mom...I have written like we were talking....I guess that is kinda weird, but for some reason it makes me feel like I have talked to her. I will keep checking this sight so I can hear from you guys. Thanks for listening! Bertha

Bertha

Edited January 17, 2007 by Bertha

[Bertha]

Annie,

I am so sorry about your loss, it is one of the hardest things that I have ever been through. It did feel like a fog in the beginning, I think you know, but for some reason you kinda still don't want to believe it. On the 4th month of my mom's passing....I thought okay.....I want to wake up...I don't want it to be this way. I know that I am not the only person to lose a mother, but how hard it seems to look ahead and think that I will be happy and I will enjoy things again. I do look forward to that, I know my mom would not want me to be this way. As I think about things that we talked about, I remember numerous times that my mom told me that when her mother passed away she had to talk to someone and that it was okay....I think she was trying to prepare me for when it happened. I act like I was okay and I would tell everyone that I knew my mother was better off, I couldn't stand seeing her suffer. She would get so aggravated because she couldn't do things for herself, she would say that she was a burden, but I never looked at it that way, I only saw the most awesome little momma a person could ever hope to have.

Thanks Annie for listening!

Bertha

I am glad that I found this site, I can't say how much I appreciate you guys saying this things, I really felt like I was losing it. I think this will help alot, sometimes I just need someone to talk to me that understands how I feel and that I am going through what I guess is know as "normal" if anything can ever be normal again.

Thanks lorikelly!

Bertha

[LoriS.]

Dear Bertha,

I like how you refered to your mom as "the most awesome little momma a person could hope to have". I know exactly what you mean! I loved my mom so much and she truly was awsome...and she was also little! That made me smile! Thank you for that!

Lori S.

[STARKISS]

Hi Bertha,

I wanted to tell you that I am so sorry for your loss, I too loss my mom and she was everything to me as well... When she died I felt like a big piece of me died as well... She was always there when I needed her like if I had a bad day at work or I was not feeling well...My mom cared some much about me and her other children that she never left us to long... I feel that even though it has been two years since she died it more like yesterday... My mom died on April 18th 2005 while we were in Las Vegas for vacation... On our final day there we could not wake her up... She died four days later in hospital in Las Vegas of a diabetic coma... We did not know my mom had diabetis... My dad died four months later on August 25, 2005 of Non-hodgkin's lymphoma which again we did not know he had... I lived with both of them till the day they died and I never really knew they were sick... I am so sorry for the pain you must be feeling right now not just because of the loss of your mother but because of the loss of companionship you also have lost... Take care Shelley