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It Never Stops

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Today at work, a co-worker asked me if I ever still missed my late husband. I started tearing up as I told her what we'd had, how very much I do miss him. It's been 19 1/2 months and it never ever stops. How can you not miss your best friend, your soulmate, your everything? A lady from my church remarried and she told me how torn up she sometimes feels...she feels as if she's being disloyal to her current husband when she thinks about her late husband, yet you can't NOT think about them, you never forget. I don't think anyone could begin to understand what we go through unless they've gone through it themselves. It never stops, we just have to learn to live with it.

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You are correct, we will never forget them and people won't understand the magitude of that until it happens to them. Marty has a post about the feeling of being disloyal. It is something that is ingrained in us when we take our vows. It does say "Unitl death do us part" but we just don't think about that. When we take those vows we think of forever and our own death, not the death of our soulmate. I now know in my heart that Karen wants me to be happy and doesn't want me to be alone the rest of my life. I know it will feel strange when I do finally meet someone. There are things and thoughts that as they come up I will start to tear up and it has only been 10 months, I remember the time and how long it took me to get over my Grandmothers death. It was several years before I was able to talk about her and not tear up so I can imaninge how long it will take with Karen.


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