Help

[need healing]

My brother passed away June of last year...his death was sudden and there was nothing that anyone could do. His heart just stopped and then he was gone in a matter of seconds. He was only 35.

I am feeling such sorrow now that the shock has worn off. I am finding each day hard to function...I feel like a robot at work and when I get home all I want to do is cry...is that normal to be feeling this way 8 months later?

I am trying to be there for my parents and function like a good wife, but all I want to do is keep away from everyone. I have noticed that my mood is more depressing and I can not seem to be happy for those around who have truly happy news.

Those who have experienced this please let me know how you have coped???

[karenb]

My husband died in July of 2005 and I still miss him so much and have "melt downs" and just cry when something good or something not so good happens. He died immediately of a heart attack driving home on the freeway from golfing but I was saved from those awful last moments that he never even knew. It's such a process that we go through trying to cope with this but you will come out on the other end successfully....it just takes time and just know that you'll never forget...just will eventually accept it and know that you have to go on. Just keep on being busy, give help to others when you can, clean the house...clean everything in sight, work in a yard or plant something in pots, just cry when you want to and please know it does get easier. I'm so sorry you have to go through this....I'm sure you have friends you can call....hang in there. Karen

[Janine]

Karen

I feel the same way sometimes. My sister died suddenly six months ago. At times I do cry for hours and sometimes I put on some sad music and make myself cry. Letting the emotions out instead of choking on them feels so much better. My parents also are having a very hard time. Teresa was the baby of the family and she lived almost across the street from them. My brothers and my sister have been taking turns setting up outings with them. Giving them something to look forward to seems to cut the anxiety of solitude in their grief.

I enrolled in Marty's The First Year of Grief and it helped me so much. I still have those sad times, but I am learning to deal with them. Coming here was the best therapy I have ever had. I hope you too find comfort here among true friends.

Janine

[karenb]

Janine....Thank you for your reply. It really does help to talk to people who are going through the same thing. This process is a long one. I'm so sorry about your sister. I know your family is going through a lot of pain. I know we'll come out fine in the long run but getting there is hard. Hang in there.

Karen

[shell]

Karen,

Everything you are feeling is totally normal. And it hasn't been that long, believe me. The bad news is it takes a long time to heal, but the good news is that you eventually will. Good luck, and be sure and let your feelings out. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Hugs,

Shell

[Janine]

need healing

I am sorry for my carelessness. I meant to address my message to you and Karen and I did not. As you can see, loss affects every inch of your life. Take it an inch at a time or it overwhelms you and sometimes you just have to scream. My sister died in November, she was also 35. I have been sailing along since the beginning of the year and suddenly I am out of control again. I even made it through my Grandmothers funeral in March accepting her death without loosing control. Two weeks ago they found a pre-cancerous growth in my husbands colon, his surgery is scheduled for this Wednesday. I am grateful it is not cancer. I found out last week that my 17 year old son’s girlfriend is 28 and I dealt with it smoothly without loosing my temper and he is accepting my decision to break it off. Ups and downs, we tackled them one at a time. Every little set back seems like a great wall before us.

Today I have a splitting headache. I spent the day with my mother and on my way to bring her home during a blinding storm my car died. I was standing on the freeway screaming at the sky yelling at God with cars and trucks roaring by, lightning striking all around and soaking wet with my mother telling me to get back into the car. It was straight out of a movie. I feel like I can't take any more, but I will eventually force myself to walk to work and move forward again The only other option is to stay in bed curled up in a ball and shut out the world. I can't go back there; it gets harder to get out of bed the longer you stay in.

I am going to go back to lesson number 1 in Marty’s course and start all over again.

Janine