I Miss My Mom So Much

[DawnG]

Hi,

For some reason today is just not a good day. I just miss her so damn much I want to scream. I just want to hold her one more time, get a great big hug from her, just a smile, something, anything. I've been watching last thanksgivings video of my mom and it just makes me so sad. It's on my myspace if anyone is interested in seeing it.

http://www.myspace.com/dawn_angelique

I wish

I wish that I could see you one last time

to hear your voice and see your smile

I wish that I could hold you close an never let you go.

I wish that it were me who got sick and you who was left here

to live the life that you so badly deserved.

I wish I knew that you were happy and settled.

I wish you were here to help me deal with this.

I wish I could tell you I love you one last time

but if I did I would only wish all these wish's again.

Just something I wrote just now, guess it's how I feel. I just really need her. I need something stable in my life, I feel like I'm going out of control and don't know how to stop, I just miss her so much!!! God this really sucks!!!

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[chuckles1984]

Aww, Dawn, I know!! I've been feeling really icky lately, like I'm so off balance that nothing can keep me grounded. Your poem was beautiful. I've found that writing helps too. Sometimes when I have no idea what to do with all my emotions I just sit and write them down. It helps to put them to words. I think I'm just starting to get over all the denial and it hurts, bad! Slow down, take a deep breath. We'll get through this. We have to, right? I know nothing makes this any easier, but we'll get by as long as we keep getting up each morning, and continue. Our mom's knew how wonderful we are, and the last thing they'd want us to do is change or give up. One step at a time hun. I feel your pain, I really do.

[curlyredheads]

Hi Dawn,

I feel your pain as well. And as chuckles said take it one day at a time. Our moms would all want us to go on and face each day that comes. Do it for your mom. She is with you.

Libby

[DawnG]

Thanks guys, I appreciate it. It's just so hard and yeah I think the denial is gone and the raw feeling of sadness has sunk in.

[LoriS.]

I miss my mom so much, too. It's been 10 months for me. I can't believe it. She would have loved all of the events that have been happening lately in my life. I know that she would have wanted more than anything to be at my daughters wedding in 6 weeks. I wanted her more than anything to be there, but this is how it has to be. I want to ask her if she died last year so that she wouldn't have been too old or too ill while we were planning the wedding...so that I could have the proper time to deeply grieve and to move forward to be able to handle all of the plans. She would definately say yes. I can hear her telling me that she needed to go so that I can be ok for my daughters wedding. And I will. I am going to honor her wishes. I feel her with me through all the plans. I feel her telling me to suck in my stomach in my dress that I'm going to wear and I feel her warmth and laughter and fun come over me when I'm figuring out what to do at the bridal shower at my house next weekend.

If I could say something to my mom right now I would say:

"I love you Mom and wish you were here with me at this special time in my life. The whole family misses and loves you soooo much!" There's so much more to say, but I know my mom knew how I felt about her and there are sometimes no words to decribe that.

Take care...Lori

[shell]

The only thing I cling to, and it helps me a little, is to know my mom and dad aren't suffering anymore. I miss both of them so much there are no words to describe it, but I know every one of you feels the same way. But I know they didn't want to live after they got sick, so I comfort myself in knowing that they are now at peace and will not have to suffer anything ever again.

Hugs,

Shell