Death Of Mother One Week Ago

[grief-stricken]

My mother died Aug. 18, 2007. She moved in with me in 1994 after my father died. She lived with me until March 16, 2006 when she went to an assisted-living facility and then on Apr. 2 of this year she was admitted to a skilled care (nursing home) center. In the last five months, she had had three hospitalizations, the last two not even one month apart. I am an only child, so I feel completely lost. I want to call her and/or see her everyday. I can't believe she is really gone. It is like a dream. My pastors, Sunday School class and other church members have been very loving and supportive, but the hurt is still there. I feel like my life has ended. I am supposed to return to work tomorrow, but am dreading it. I would appreciate any help anyone could offer.

[Poco]

Even though I am not an only child, I can empathize. I have cared for my Mom since 1988. She was so involved in the life of my children and greatgrandchildren. The day Mom died, my brother and sister went back to their homes and their lives. Two days after Mom died, I went back to teaching. Being around others and getting involved helped me in the initial stages. But this summer has been extremely hard because school is out. I, too, am looking for a way to move forward. Mom was my best friend. Good luck tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you. Poco

[DawnG]

Hello, My mom died on June 18th, it's really hard to lose a mother and I dto feel like my life has ended. Grief is a natural thing and every one grieves differently. My mom died of pancreatic cancer it was a tough thing, I took her to all of her appts, chemo and dr and took care of her her last 6 days of her life. I know how you feel. You feel like an orphan, my mom was my mother, father and best friend, I still can't handle life with out her. They say it takes time but I say whatever to that because I think I will feel this the rest of my life, how can one ever get over losing someone they love so much and was there for them their entire life.

Here's a poem for you (I have the last 2 verses tattoo'd on my leg with a tinkerbell for my mom )

Just because I no longer

stand in front of your eyes

doesn't mean you can't see me.

Close them,

I am there.

Just because I no longer

answer when you call my name

doesn't mean you can't hear me.

Speak softly, listen carefully,

there is my voice.

Just because I can no longer

touch your hands

doesn't mean you can't feel me.

Hold on to another,

my arms are there.

Just because I am no longer there

to show you I love you

doesn't mean my love is gone.

Place your hand on your heart,

feel its beat.

I am there.

Know that I am with God.

Know that God is with you.

And in that we are still with each other[attachmentid=156]

[grief-stricken]

Thanks for the poem. There must be something about the 18th (June and Aug.). I think there won't be enough time left in the world to get over losing someone who has been there everyday for 54 years, rain or shine, day in, day out, good or bad.

I bought a book called "Comfort Prayers" by June Cotner which you might like. When I read some of the prayers and poems, it seems like I am writing them because they express exactly how I feel right now.

[DawnG]

Hi Grief, I guess there is just nothing that can really help until you let it help. I know for me, I don't want to be happy then I won't be. I hate it when people say it's been 2 months get over it. and I say to them, lose your bestfriend, fater and mother all in one and then tell me that. My mom died @ 61, I'm her baby 37, she has a great grand kid on the way, I hope she knows that up there.

Seems like we have 2 things in common, loss of a pet and parent.

Thanks for the post.

[shell]

Dawn and Grief,

I lost my dad in '05 and two weeks later lost one of my kitties (in the middle of the night, very unexpectedly). Two months before my mom died (June of this year) I had to have another of my babies put to sleep (she had cancer of the jaw). Like both of you, I just can't believe any of them are gone. I've had so many deaths in the last two and a half years I'm almost numb. I feel like I'm living in another life somewhere! Anyway, we all just have to hang in there and take it one day at a time. We will never be the same, but we have to learn to adjust to our new lives, which isn't easy! I wish you both peace and progress.

Hugs,

Shell

[DawnG]

shell,

Isn't it amazing how affected we are by our pets. I treat mine like they are my kids, my cat captain was my non human rock. He got sick again the same time my mom did. I always thought they were connected some how.

[shell]

Dawn,

Yep, mine are my children. I love all animals, I just happen to have a lot of kitties and it's hard to get a dog mixed in there! They'd probably drive the poor dog crazy. Losing one of our animals was always just as traumatic in our family as losing anyone else. They are truly what keeps me going. I'd be in much worse shape without my sweeties. The one that I lost right before my mom was like my second mother. She was so intuitive, it was uncanny. She was the most caring cat I've ever seen, both to us and to all the other cats. Anyway, they are so wonderful.

Hugs,

Shell

[grief-stricken]

Shell, a friend of mine suggested I keep a journal in order to write down my thoughts and feelings. He said he did that, although not every day. He said he sometimes writes thoughts or ideas or sometimes Bible verses or quotes he really likes and this seems to help. I started doing that the day of my mother's funeral. It was hard at first-I cried and wrote and cried and wrote. I can do better now, even after only 14 days. Maybe you could write about your kitties or write a poem for them or whatever. It doesn't have to be long, only one or two lines if that's all you want to say. Hope this will help you.

Grief

Edited September 2, 2007 by grief-stricken