People Assume That After Just 3 Weeks I Am Over The Sudden Death Of My

[piscesmoon5]

My baby Pepper would have turned 14 this November. He horribly and unexpectedly passed away while I was out of town 3 weeks ago.That cat was the love of my life.I am having an extremely hard time dealing with his loss. I feel guilty that I was not here with him in last days. I still cannot believe he is gone.I keep having dreams that he is back and when I try to talk about it with my friends I feel like they are over it. I had him since he was a baby and we had such a bond. I miss him so much.

[waabzy]

Picsesmom I am so sorry for you. My Nvwati only passed away Sept. 28,2007 and although I have some "ok" days I know it will be a long time before I can think of him without sadness of losing him. Nvwati lived with me for over 10 years . Just let yourself be where you are. Circle yourself with friends who understand.

[Maylissa]

Piscesmoon,

Please accept my heart-felt sympathy on the loss of your beautiful, lifetime fur-baby, Pepper. I know how it is, with those around you just not understanding or, just as importantly, fully accepting the importance of your loving bond with your baby and the deep grief you now feel because of his passing.

My feline babies Nissa and Sabin, were also the loves of my life and I fear no one else will ever come close to providing what the 3 of us had together. Even when I was much younger and lost my 2nd budgie whom I'd grown up with (he was 8 when he passed), only one girlfriend understood....and she also passed when we were in our 20's. So loss and the lack of empathy from others is no stranger to me, unfortunately.

The guilt is hard to overcome, I know. Many of us, or even most of us, carry guilt for different reasons. Some of us never quite get rid of all of it, but most of us try to at one point or another, as it's not healthy to hang on to. I'd just posted an article, called "Can You Afford Not to Forgive?" by Laura Scott, found within a thread of mine here, that you may find helpful in dealing with this. (it's really about the GUILT we feel)

The missing is terrible, to be sure, and that's why we need others who really understand the misery we're in, to help us through our bereavement. We're here for you as only those who've suffered our animal companion's loss can be.

Edited October 10, 2007 by Maylissa

[Rameyw]

Picesmoon,

So sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you mean...Just 2 weeks after losing my mare Maria I had people telling me that it was way past the time to be grieving over her. I was like "WHAT!?" She was and to this day (2 years later, Sept. 21st) the love of my life. I just could not believe how anyone could say that. One of the women who board their horse at my barn told me that she was going to "Force me" to start riding again! I then went on to ask her how she would feel if she had (God forbid) lost her son and would be forced day in and day out to sit in his classroom knowing exactly where he sat and then watching the other children interact with their parents, when I told her that coming to the barn everyday twice a day, to take care of the other horses and seeing others spend time with their horses, was almost too much for me to bear. Their innocence kept me going. But not one of them gave me the love and understanding that "My Maria" would have given me and I was angry at them too. My cat Girdi seems to be the only one to understand what I was going thru and has kept up a constant vigil at my side when I am having a bad "Missing Maria day" I swear that Maria told her that she needed to step in and take care of mommy.

A dear friend even chastised me for not cleaning out her stall after a year and a half after losing My Girl. The day I stepped in that stall to finally clean it it was like reliving that horrid day when I was told that her broken leg could never heal. And I could visualize everything that happened after that. To this day my tears have not stopped. And I have people tell me that I am "silly to ACT that way"!?!?!?!?! I AM NOT ACTING!

I'm sorry I've rambled on, but it does just make me so ANGRY when people act or say "it was ONLY a animal". OMG!! how can they say that? Even my barn kitties (feral and tame) are grieved for when they pass and we all miss them and their little personalities.

Take Care and know that everyone here understands and we all care,

Kelly

[piscesmoon5]

Hi Kelly. Thank you so much for being compassionate about my baby. I felt that I might find other people in my predicament here. I am so sorry for you and your Maria. It is just the most horrible feeling in the world to lose these animals. I just had to tell my sister today that I am still EXTREMELY upset over the loss of Pepper and that I still don't sleep well. I have to admit, it was a little"discouraging" to hear that it's been over 2 years since you lost her and it still hurts so bad. I am 36 years old and without children so this is the closest thing I have to a child and I am devastated.I don't think you were rambling at all. I can only imagine the love you had for her. Thank you again, Misty

Hi Maylissa. First off thank you for being understanding about my Pepper. I am so sorry for the loss of both of your babies, Nissa and Sabin.It must have been hard for you to lose both of them, as you obviously love them so much!I don't think I have ever loved anything in my life as much as I have loved Pepper. I am still having a hard time here and am looking to all of you for guidance. I don't feel like my life will ever be the same again without him.Misty