Annie, How Ya Doing?

[shell]

Annie,

Just wanted to let you know we're still thinking of you. How are things going....how are YOU?

Hugs,

Shell

[AnnieO]

Shell,

Thank you for your post.

It's been a really tough week. I was only allowing myself to feel "relief" , not just for my family but for my dad too. But that "not feeeling anything" isn't working any longer. No surprise to any of us I am sure. I fell apart last week and haven't stopped crying since. I am working on the memorial service we are going to have for both my parents during Thanksgiving. It's just family and I am getting alot of feedback from everyone else. Lots' of hurt feelings and anger at not being included. Some of the people my dad has worked with in the past are getting together tonight for their own memorial. They were worried I would be upset, I told them I understand their need to get together and share their sorrow and memories. I can't be there but I asked one of them to read something for me. It helped to write something good about my dad. All the anger I still have, has been pushed aside by the sadness I feel. I miss him and I am so sorry this happened to him. To all of us. I know he never meant to hurt us.

On a happier note, my husband,son and I are flying down to Florida today for a long week-end on the beach. My daughter who is in college is also taking a few days off to meet us. It's just what we all need, I am really lookin forward to it.Thank you again for being here.

[rosanne]

Annie,

I think the trip will do you more good than you relize.

I am so sorry for your pain. It sounds like you have a good family that can help you through. Pick your fights and try not to get yourself upset anymore than you already are.

Rosanne

[shell]

Annie,

I'm so glad you're going on this trip! As Rosanne said, I think it will do you more good than you realize. Try to enjoy every minute of it. When my Mom died, the wonderful hospice nurse that she had, called a few days later to find out how I was doing. And she told me that I had been wonderful to my mom and had done all I could and that it was now time for me to take care of myself. When I do something nice for myself I sometimes feel guilty (I'm sure all of you know what I mean!) and then I think of what she said and it makes me feel better. You deserve to have a good time with your family, so go for it.

Hugs,

Shell

[AnnieO]

Just checking in.

I am on the beach with my husband and kids. I don't think I can describe the range of emotions. One moment we are all sitting by the ocean, laughing and laughing. Then the next moment I will have a memory of my parents that makes it hard to breathe. We have been coming to this resort for over 20 years with my parents/sibling/cousins..etc. There are so many memories here. It feels good one minute and awful the next. Whenever we had a big group here, we always had our own condo's but every morning , one by one , everyone would drift into my parent's condo(some still in their pj's) we would all sit around drinking coffee, reading the paper .This morning my kids are sleeping, my husband is out fishing and I am here in the quiet..it just feels like I can walk out this door, go next door, walk in and I will find my mom and dad. If only I could. THanks for listening.

[shell]

Annie,

Memories...so wonderful and sometimes so painful! I couldn't believe it when you said you felt it was hard to breathe, because the other day I was telling my vet about one of my babies that had cancer of the jaw (this happened years ago), and in the middle of talking about it, I just breathed in hard and couldn't breathe back out. I felt such a sense of loss and sorrow, it was like being punched in the stomach. I finally started breathing again, but it was almost scary. I think I scared my poor vet, who has been through so much with me already!

I'm glad you checked in. I was wondering how your trip was going. I'm glad you are having some fun. Just ride with the sad moments and you'll be fine. Your feelings are like the tide in a way, huh? Well, let the happy ones roll in and the sad ones roll out.

Hugs,

Shell