Whats Wrong With Me?

[Guest Gamer205]

Hello Everyone its been a while since I have posted,I'm the one that posted back in 2005 about my bestfriend passing away titled "I stay sad a lot" in the general grief topics,

http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?showtopic=458

that is the orgional post,for those that have not seen my story,

Every since 2004 when my friend passed away I have been very agervated mad and depressed,I've said things before that I didn't think I would ever say,I've even had scary times and still do sometimes when I think I'm about to lose my faith,

I told people I didn't belive in God anymore then later I end up telling God That I'm sorry,I know I shouldn't do that,I tell him all the time that I'm sorry but then I find myself doing the same thing again out of anger,being depressed I don't know,

I do deep down belive in God,it just gets hard for me sometimes to get over what happened to my friend back in 2004,I know the Bible in Matthew says you can speak against the son of man and get forgiven but warns you do not speak against the HolyGhost or you can't never get forgiveness accordeing to it and I have NEVER said anything ever about that subject,

I was raised in Church I'm 25,I know the word the Bible and I just don't know what is happening to me lately,I do things I later regrat say things I know I would never do sometimes I don't know why I keep repeating myself doing it over and over again when I know better then to do it,

Sometimes theres days where I just get up and don't want to belive in anything and theres times I'm just depressed with everything,I don't know what is wrong with me at times,

The Thing I can't figure out I never had a problem beliveing in God before untill 2004 and I went threw that very hard time loseing my best friend,It makes me scared to have a faith problem,because I've never delt with something like that before.

I just wanted to post on here on how I am feeling,I felt I needed to.

[karenb]

Hi Gamer,

Well, I am older. My grandson is your age. He has these up and down feelings as well. I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago, and I did go through those doubts just like you have. I did come out of it and I believe a better person for it. I had to make myself go to church, join some groups, pray every day and other things to MAKE myself what I wanted to be. Personally, I truly believe that God gives us situations for us to learn, however long it takes. He's very patient with us and all our indecisions and doubts. But I truly believe that all this is for our good because He is a good God, how could he do anything else? Have you ever had any Christian counseling about these feelings, maybe from your pastor or someone else? That might help. Just keep trying. You will make it to where you want to be. Try to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones at the time they're happening to you. That can become a wonderful habit. Hang in there and let us know how you're doing.

Your friend, Karen

[DesertBob]

If I had any one thing to say to you, Gamer, it's this: God has broad shoulders.

It is PERFECTLY NORMAL to struggle with doubt. God is NOT threatened by this. He does not have our fragile human ego and our easy-to-anger self-centeredness.

Think about it. He's God. By definition, he's seen it all. You are NOT a threat to him and your doubt is NOT a threat to his ego, which in turn, is not a fragile, quavering little ego like yours or mine. God, believe you me, is supremely self-confident.

What you are going through, unpleasant though it is, is a GOOD THING.

As a matter of fact, it's not at all uncommon for people to lose their faith entirely, then get it back stronger than ever. It's part of a growth process. Sometimes we embrace our faith for the wrong reasons. We can't embrace it for the right reasons without giving up the old ones. The process of giving up cherished assumptions is known as "suffering". The wasteland of doubt in between the destruction of your belief system and its replacement with a new one may be very brief or quite long. But don't worry, unlike you and me, God is also PATIENT.

In addition it's not unheard of that if you've been taught that God is this grouchy Person hurling thunderbolts over the slightest offense, that your overall mental health will be better if you, for instance, turn agnostic and "fire" Him. That's not the real God, it's just one that has been passed off to you as the real one. The real one knows full well that you can do without any God at all until you find your way back to Him -- the genuine article. Accept nothing less.

I once heard a pastor say, "Bad theology is a hard taskmaster". It sounds to me like you have a hard taskmaster. Don't be afraid to do what your heart is telling you to do ... don't take it anymore. You CAN think for yourself. You don't need self-proclaimed "experts" to tell you what and how to think. You can find wise counsel that will lead you in the direction of God but at the end of the day only YOU can find your personal way to him. The Bible, you've been taught, is a bunch of black and white formulas. It's not. You're living a formula and it's killing you. I know, because I've done it myself.

It's harder to think for yourself, and a lot more work, and requires you to accept a lot more personal responsibility for your beliefs and how you respond to them. But in the long run, going that route makes life much easier and more pleasant. At least on the levels that count.

Good luck,

--Bob

It makes me scared to have a faith problem, because I've never delt with something like that before.

[Guest Gamer205]

Thank you all for your advice,I just felt like I needed to post how I am feeling,I do belive,I just sometimes just get into places of confusion and then say things out of frustration,

I love this website it helps so many people and you all are so nice,

Thanks again for you all's advice and help.

I like to come here when I'm feeling down.

[MartyT]

Hi Gamer,

I remember you well, and I just wanted to say how nice it is to "see" you here again! It warms my heart to know that you "like to come here when you're feeling down," and I hope you know that you are always, always welcome to come back "home" to us. We like to think of ourselves as a family here, and I hope you'll always think of yourself as one of us.

[Guest Gamer205]

Thank you so much MartyT,I do love this place because of the kind and nice people here includeing yourself,

I feel so welcome here and I do like to come here when I'm feeling down

This place helps me and knows helps a lot of other people out there,this is a wounderful website and I've loved it since I found it back in 2005

"I love the website music you have that plays at the begining of the site,

Thank you for makeing me feel so welcome.