Not Coping Well With Grief

[Cindi]

2007 started out badly...I should have taken it to heart. My son was arrested for crimes related to drug addiction and sent to prison for 3 years.

Ex-brother in law died and girlfriend of another brother-in law killed in car accident.

What turned my world upside down was the loss of my mother on 9/11. She should not have died. Somehow, somewhere medical mismanagement resulted in seizures in a woman who had never, ever, had a seizure before. In and out of the hospital for 2 months and the last trip when we found that the last seizure had damaged her brain beyond repair. She was only 73. My parents have lived with my husband and I for the last 11 years. She had parkinson's and mobility was becoming an issue, but she was sure of mind and spirit. Before we know it she's gone. My parents were married for 55 years and were joined at the hip. My father's grief is hard to watch.

Its been four months and it seems like an eternity. I am upset by the littlest curve and don't know what to do. My husband is extremely unsupportive and though I've heard that I need to talk about this, I have no one to talk to. I feel like I've fallen and can't get up. Anti-anxiety and anti-depressants don't seem to make much difference. I have problems sleeping even though I take a sleeping aid. I want to crawl in a corner and stay there forever.

My motivation factor equals -100. How can I get through this? It seems to get harder every day.

Edited January 23, 2008 by Cindi

[LoriS.]

Hi Cindi...I am sorry about your many losses, but especially for the loss of your mom. It was the hardest thing that I have ever gone through in my life. You will just have to go through this terrible time and feel all of your feelings. There is no right or wrong time frame when it comes to grief. All of your feelings are normal and real. It's one day at a time, one hour at a time and sometimes, one minute at a time.

I lost my mom in Oct. 06' and I found this website in Jan. 07', just one year ago. Everyone on here was and is very helpful and someone is usually around at some point and time to respond.

I am doing really well right now, but it's been a long road. Keep coming back...there are a lot of great people always ready to lend an ear.

Take care...Lori

[shell]

Cindi,

I am so sorry for your losses. I have lost both my parents in the past two and a half years and it is the most painful thing I have been through. Lori gave you great advice. I'm sorry, too, that your husband is being so unsupportive. Many of the posters here have had that same problem with husbands and other members of the family. Just know that you have to grieve and if nobody likes it, too bad. Take as much time as you need, seek out a support group in your town if you can and continue to come here and get your feelings out.

Hugs,

Shell

[drew]

Oh Cindi... I am so sorry that you have to experience this pain. I know exactly what you mean when you say that you want to curl up in a corner. I lost my mother less than a month ago and I too have trouble sleeping. Even Ambien doesn't help.

But my dear just the fact that you are here tells me that you are at least seeking some type of support. And that is GOOD! You're mom would want you to be well. It is going to take time. I cry everyday. But I would suggest that you find a good grief couselor. It helps to just talk to someone. They don't judge you, and they are used to dealing with people who are hurting...and right now we are those people...and that's OK!

I wish you the best and you are in my prayers.

Drew

[Cindi]

Drew: I have read some of your postings...you are an incredible, sensitive soul. I can see that these will become great assets as you get older. You'll likely be more sensitive to your wife and very involved with your children.

You have more wisdom than your age belies. I appreciate that you feel my pain and understand what grieving really is.

Remember as you enter the workforce that no one on their deathbed has ever said I wish I'd spent more time at the office.

My mom's seizure took her away even before she actually died. So even though we laid with her, caressed her, kissed her and told her how very important she was to us and oh, how much we loved her, we won't know until we meet again if she could hear us. I wanted so much to say...See ya soon, Mom.

I am amazed at how much broken heart hurts.

Take care, Drew. I'll be in touch again.

Lori L. and Shell...thanks for your kind thoughts and gentle care. After four months, I believe I finally found where I need to be. With people who understand and feel the way I do. I often cry on my way home from work every day. And I need to put myself first right now. I know I'm on a pity pot, but there are times when I think pity pots are acceptable. I won't worry about others except those of you who know what I'm trying to articulate because we are or have been in the exact same place. I've even told my not-so-supportive husband that he can't dump anything on me right now. I've got much important things to handle. Even though its impossible to conceive, I know there will be a time when life won't seem so hard and happiness can start leaking in drop by drop by tiny little drop.

Your lost ones are most certainly proud of you participation in this forum and I'm sure it helps them overcome the sadness they must have felt when it was time to go.

My cup runneth over with gratefulness to you all.

[shell]

Cindi,

You have the right attitude and that is going to help you heal. And good for you for taking a firm stand with your husband! We all have to do whatever it takes to get through this. It's really a fight for your life, in a way...a new life, for sure, but your life just the same. This board is like a second home for us, where we have "family" that is supportive and caring. Keep posting and let us know how things are going.

Hugs to you,

Shell

[LoriS.]

Cindi...Wow...I never thought of it that way...that our loved ones must be proud of us for participating in this forum. That certainly is a new perspective. I really do feel my parents around me...especially my mom since we were so close. I'm so sorry for your dad. My parents were married 62 years before he passed away and my mom died 3 years later. She was a very strong (mentally) woman and her death was from old age (85) and complications of a recurrence of a cancerous tumor...but it was very fast...thank goodness. I hope your dad gets through this horribly difficult time and having you for a daughter I'm sure will help him tremendously!

Take care and let us know how you are doing!

Hugs to you...Lori