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I am so grateful to all of you for your support. It means more to me than I can even began to explain. I have to say that although every detail that led to the loss of my beautiful Mom was horrible, the one good thing (and the only thing I am thankful for) is Hospice of the Valley. Initially, my dad wanted to bring Mom home but Hospice was not sure if they had someone available for in-home care. Based on that we had her transfered to Palm Valley where both my Dad and I stayed with her 24-7.

The morning following her admission the aide came in with a breakfast tray. I'm surprised and wondering what are they thinking? My Mom is comatose. The next thing that happened was that the aide came in again with another tray. The food was for my dad and I. In the midst of our despair, it was such a beautiful gesture.

Hospice provided gentle care and respectfulness to all of us. They took much better care of my Mom than the hospitals where she stayed prior to coming to Hospice. They bathed her every other day, changed her clothes and kept her comfortable.

The day she died, a harpist showed up and asked if she could play for my Mom. We agreed, and she began to play gospel music (songs my mother especially liked) even though we gave her no information other than Mom likes gospel music. The last song she played was "In the Garden" and when the song ended, Mom took her last breaths and died. How incredible that she entered the Kingdom on God on the notes of a harp.

On another note, I passed my boss in the hall today and he told me to "smile." Its really hard to smile when I'm so consumed with grief. My daughter was supposed to be here this week from Reno, but the plans fell through. My 18-month old grandson is a joy and he's the only one who makes us laugh. I am so disappointed.

Again, I love you all for helping me realize I'm not crazy or over reacting. Everyone of you holds a near and dear place somewhere inside my broken heart.

I wish you all courage during the hardest of journies. Thank you with all my heart.

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Dear Cindi...you seem so sweet and you are truly greatful. Yes, each of my parents were in Hospice and the staff was amazing. The morning that we gathered there right before my moms death, the nurses brought to us a cart with orange juice, coffee, and cereal and bagels! We knew what was happening and we were so appreciative for the care that we as a family recieved from them as well as my mom. They even washed her up after she died to get her ready for the funeral home to take her. One of my daughters and I sat with her and held her hands until they took her from us. It was quite peaceful, yet crazy and weird at the same time. Hospice is a blessing from God. I hope more people become aware of its' amazing comfort that it can give to the patient and to the family.

Take care of yourself...Lori

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Oh Cindi,

This post made me think of my mom. Her favorite song was "In the Garden." In fact, that's the song that we played at her funeral (at her request). I can't hear that song without crying.

I have a cd with soft music that I played in my mom's hospital room the last few days before she died. The song that was playing when she died (and it is my favorite song) is called "Thanksgiving." Some nights I dim the lights in my room (like it was in the hospital) and turn the song on softly. Immediately I can put myself back with my mom and I just cry and cry and cry. It is just so difficult to move on.

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Drew, I remember trying to "put myself back" in the room with my mom during her last days. It was my way of still being there with her and not letting her go. It's so painful and it hurts so bad, but I think that it is just our way of keeping them close to us. I can do it now without hanging on to those last moments and crying my eyes out. It's still sad, but I look at it now from a place of "I loved being with you when you died" rather than "I'm holding on to every last minute of your death". It's a different perspective.

Take care...Lori

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