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Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop.

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I'm new as you can tell, and I'm not sure of anything really. The past several weeks have been pretty hard.

In the recent past I volunteered to take care of neonatal baby kittens, and I lost one in November about 12 hours after she arrived at my house. It wasn't horrible really it's part of the life cycle, I had named her Samantha and she was no bigger than the palm of my hand, we guessed Samantha and her sister, Roarie, to be about 10 days old. More about her sister in a moment as I try to keep things in chronological order.

My husband and I lost an entire family that were wonderful friends to us, through a terrible tragedy that has been all over the media. Just a few days after their deaths was their daughter's birthday, which is the same day as my sister. I got through that, and even attempted to keep a smile on my face if only for my sister, who was turning 20. I felt as thought I was doing pretty good. Well okay, taking everything one day at a time.

More kittens were brought to me, these were 2 weeks old, a car had hit their mother. There were 4 of them, bringing the kittens living in boxes and underfoot up to 6. Not to mention my 3 adult cats. We were full.

Time passes if we like it or not. I was at constant odds with the woman running the cat rescue. I guess she didn't know how expensive baby kittens could be, so I was having to beg her for food for the babies and vet care as well. She berate me numerous times about the delay in weaning or what they were or were not eating and my out of pocket expenses grew. As I had done all this before, with the aid of my personal vet I continued to care for the babies the best I could while trying to keep the cat rescue woman, her money issues, and her vet all under advisement.

But in the end I had to sit in her vet's office with no say in the manner while they took little Herbie from me, (from the litter of 4 kittens) to put him to sleep, as he was Feline Leukemia positive. And from what I have learned since had only been healthy a week of his 3 month life.

In the meantime my mom had decided to keep Samantha’s sister little Roarie. I was very pro this as Roarie had personal issues due to being denied simple life requirements like warmth before she came to my home and needed someone very special to care for her.

Just two days after Herbie passed away the cat rescue lady calls me to tell me a different one of my kittens not mentioned above, whom had been adopted the week before Christmas was put to sleep for FIP, and blasted it as being my fault. I have looked up this disease, and since my cats where tested as healthy before the kitten arrived, and the disease is a mutation of something else that cats can carry their whole lives and not suffer from. Oh it's so complicated! So blame if you want or don't I don't feel like fighting anymore.

Enter Roarie again. My mother calls me to tell me she has tested Feline Leukemia positive but since she is healthy for now and my mother has no other cats. Roarie will live with my mother until she begins to sicken, but mom is going to have her spayed and declawed at the end of next month, which could lead to infections since feline leukemia is an a immune degenerative disease.

So now I wait to take my grown up kitties to the vet on Feb. 10th. To find out what if anything they might have contracted from my "volunteering". I am the guy in the boat with no motor and no paddles, just floating.

The invisible weight sits on my shoulders most of the day and when I reflect on it to much the weight also sits on my heart. I suppose I should have posted this on the pet part, but it's all so mixed up. Thanks for reading.

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Hi Elizabeth,

What a wonderful thing you're doing rescueing these kittens and cats! I admire you doing this. My daughter loves animals, as do I, and she's rescued a dog and two cats. She has kept them but would like to help at the rescue center if she could. These cats are so smart you wouldn't believe it. They are indoor cats and only go out if they are harnessed and on a lead. If they get bored they go get their leashes, put them in front of her, and sit on them. That's pretty smart. She lost Buddy, her dog, mostly of old age, so now she has the two cats. She would do more but has a full-time job so there's not enough time. I know how much time it takes and it sure would be nice if everyone would cooperate more, right? You hang in there and stay strong. What you're doing is important.

Your friend, Karen ;)

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Elizabeth you are doing a wonderful thing in fostering these kitties but this woman you are working with needs a reality check and is putting too much stress in your life I feel. You are doing her a favor and this is how she treats you? I also work with rescue of Asian breed dogs and currently have 7 Japanese Chin of my own and have decided enough is enough and my doors are closed for now. I am recently widowed within the past year and can not take on any more added stress and I wonder if you too should take a little break due to the horrible thing that happened to your friends. Take care of yourself, take some time for you as you deserve it.



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Bless your heart! I wish there were more like you. I have 27 cats that are all strays (10 inside, which is pretty much the limit and 17 outside)and I have to get them to the vet to be tested and fixed and get their rabies shot as soon as they will let me touch them. It's a full time job and very hard when one tests positive and has to be put to sleep. You are absolutely not to blame for the kitten having FIP. She sounds like she doesn't know anything about cats....she shouldn't even be heading up a rescue. I know how expensive it is too! You are doing a wonderful thing. I hope your grown up kitties are alright. It's usually passed through biting, I believe, so if they didn't fight they are probably ok. My thoughts will certainly be with you.

I'm so sorry, too, for the loss of your friends. It seems like everything just hits all at once, doesn't it? As Wendy suggested, take some time for yourself. You need a breather.

A big hug,


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I tried to reply earlier, but it disappeared, so I will try again. I thank all three of you for your sincere and truly kind words. I am one person doing the best that I can. For now at least I am not taking in anymore kittens and until the fate of my three sweethearts is free of FeLK and FIP I am going to try to find peace and solace knowing that we are all part of a greater plan and when it is our time (or theirs) may we go quietly and comfortably.

I miss our friends more it seems each day. I long to pick up the phone and call Jenn, as I find myself doing all sorts of things that she would have encouraged me to do. I always felt like she was so much older than me, she had wisdom I guess. She wasn't really older, just 2 months that's all. The last conversation we had we laughed and chit chatted about the children, and the pets, but not about what really mattered. It's just hard.

I have the blanket I last held little Herbie in, when the vet brought him back to me after the test he was cold and shivering, I wiped his eye and wrapped him in my daughter's blaket and held him while he settled down and went to sleep. (unfortunely not his last sleep, as I had to place him in the vet techs arms and leave the office). I placed the blanket in a ziploc bag in my headboard. I'm not sure why I did this, but I can't seem to take it out and wash it, to put it away. All I wanted was for him to go to a happy home. To be adopted by someone who would love him at least as much as I do. Instead I have to remind myself over and over that we were his only home and he was happy with us.

It's just as bad for the cat we called KitTin who had FIP, because stress causes the FCoV (which is the no big deal virus) to mutate into FIP (the you're in for a horriable death virus). That little cat loved my daughter so very much, my daughter is 2. If she would cry he would go and sit with her, he loved sleeping in her room and would cry if he couldn't be near her, when he thought my dd needed him. I work very hard not to "what if" all of this.

Thank you again for taking the time to write me a note. Peace to all of you.

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Guest Gamer205

I wish you the best,I hope that you start feeling better,Your right about were all part of a bigger plan,I just come back to God myself and I know that he is there and he cares and that his love for us is so deep,


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