I Keep Looking For Him To Come Home

[joelsgirlkathy]

What is wrong with me!!!!!!!!!I was at work and noticed that I was counting days on the calander like he is coming home.I also look for e-mails from him on my computer.Joel would go to the hospital for months at a time and then come home.That is what I catch my self doing looking for something that is not going to happen.It has been almost 4 weeks and I just don't know if I can do this.

broken hearted kathy

[leeann]

Kathy ((((Hugs))))

In my humble opinion.. I think there is nothing is wrong with you.

It has only been 4 weeks.

I still occasionally reach for the phone to call my loved ones who have been gone years now. I would think what you are doing falls well within "normal".

I just don't know if I can do this.

But.. you are in fact doing it.

It hurts though.. but yet... you are indeed 'doing it hurt'.

You are living one day at a time.. despite the pain.

But I really don't think there is a thing wrong with you.

You just loved Joel really well and he loved you really well too.

And this just hurts like the dickens.

I hope the pain eases just a bit for you so you can catch your breath a bit.

leeann

[Dusky]

Kathy,

I was just reading something from an old post on here that may also give you some comfort. This pain we all feel is so tied to the love we had for the one we lost.

This quote came from a post that "Steven" gave to us way back on May 2007. It said:

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”

Washington Irving

We feel the way we do because we loved so deeply.

Peace,

John - Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack

[DesertBob]

What is wrong with me!!!!!!!!!I was at work and noticed that I was counting days on the calander like he is coming home.I also look for e-mails from him on my computer.Joel would go to the hospital for months at a time and then come home.That is what I catch my self doing looking for something that is not going to happen.It has been almost 4 weeks and I just don't know if I can do this.

broken hearted kathy

Let me get this straight. You are with someone you are intimate with for years and years, your whole life and definition of yourself revolves around him and the life you have made together, and you are surprised that in just a month you haven't forgotten all about it, no longer expect things to be the same, and have settled into a completely different reality?

Trust me on this ... you are normal and there's not a thing wrong with you.

--Bob

[jenew]

Kathy Yes, it does seem that we just keep waiting for them to come home. Its been four terribly long, lonely months since I lost my husband. When people say "Try to take it one day at a time"..... Well, for me, it seems its more like "an hour at a time". I can be doing really well and then it just grabs me again and I feel like I'm back where I started. I've learned who my "safe people" are to talk to and share my feelings. I come in the house after being gone for a while and its like I'm waiting for him to say "Hi, my love, I've missed you; what took you so long?" But, he doesn't, its just silence or the TV (that I just leave on for noise). I'm so surprised sometimes to realize how SAD I am. Before I usually had a smile on my face, but now......, well, I'm sure you are the same way. I just miss him so much, but I'm so glad he will never have to feel this way, it is the hardest thing I've ever done. It always helps to find a "safe person" and talk, I always want to talk about him. I think its that way with most of us. I hope things get better for you.