I'm Bummed

[kayc]

It's my bdy. on Tuesday and I was supposed to celebrate this weekend with John but he cancelled coming at the last minute, I'm having a really hard time with this, he's never there for me, and it's such a stark contrast to what I had with George. Right after finding out he wasn't coming and feeling let down again, I was crying, and then I got the news that my daughter and my sisters have been in a car accident. My daughter hurt her arm and shoulder and my sister hit her head on the windshield and the air bag didn't go off. It took me 30 minutes to find out all four of their conditions. Tomorrow morning I have to drive 100 miles for a stupid 1 hour meeting at work, like I'm not there enough or like they couldn't have had it today...more gas, more time, and I'm stressed enough.

I miss George more than ever, he was my rock, my best friend, the one who comforted me in everything, the one I turned to. Oh God how I miss him, will this never end!

[fred]

Hi Kay, If ¨bdy¨ is birthday, then please allow me to wish you a better day tomorrow than you had today and offer a gift of a big hug ((( ))). I know it is not as good as what you had hoped to receive from John, nor anywhere near as well as George could do, but the love is there. I hope and pray that your daughter and sisters all heal well and that you will also. Sometimes it seems like everything gets dumped on us all at once and we wonder how we will ever cope. At least we have this wonderful group of friends to turn to at all hours of the day and night. You know how much we all care for you and your well being. Maybe since you have to travel so far for that ¨stupid meeting¨ in the morning, you should use the opportunity to let the ones responsible for such stupidity know just how you feel about it. If you use some of their precious time to address your concerns and needs, maybe they will not be so eager to inconvenience you in the future. Remember, you are the most important person to us, take care of yourself! ((( )))

[kayc]

Hi Fred,

Sometimes it's nice to know that there are others up at all hours too...I gave up sleeping at 3:00 am and decided to work on a Christmas present for a friend, a lot more fun than trying to fight sleep. I know I'll pay for it today.

My boss isn't all that concerned with others or he wouldn't schedule something on a Saturday that could easily be dealt with during the week...he somehow has the mistaken assumption that this is a fun idea. Of course he lives there in town, and doesn't commute. I've voiced myself, it does no good.

John is interviewing for a long haul job today. It would pay better and supposedly has more hours than what he's been doing, but would take him away from home for days on end...not that I see him a lot right now, but at least we usually had weekends. I give up. Maybe he'll make enough money I can quit my job. Ha!

No, what really bothers me is the feeling he doesn't care about me, like I'm last priority. With George I was always first. At least I had that with someone, right? A lot of people have never had that. It's just, we were only married 3 years and 8 months, and it seems so unfair that we got such a short time together when our relationship was so right. I don't mean to say he was perfect or anything, but we were a perfect fit for each other.

Anyway, thanks for listening, it helps.

Love,

KayC

[Guest moparlicious]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY my dear KayC I love you so much and wish I was there, I would take you out, hug you and would love to spend time with you. Sorry you are feeling the blues. You are my rock and inspiration. I'm so sorry your feeling lonely and work always sucks, its work, lol. Wishing you a better day for tommarow is a new one. I love you. Kim

[kayc]

Karen and Kim, thank you for your sweet message. It's been a rough weekend but I'm trying to make the best of it, at least I got all the rest of my wood in and stacked! I actually have my whole house clean, the laundry done, dishes done, you name it, this rarely happens! I don't even have mending and ironing waiting! So it's been productive, even if not "enjoyable". It's just the hours go by so lonely and disappointing...and with the week I've had, the job I have (my boss not paying us and then demanding I drive 100 miles for a 1 hour meeting on my day off and then he makes us wait an hour and talks so low I can't hear him) and my daughter and sisters' accident, John not coming and not telling me until I've already waited for him for over an hour...sometimes I wonder how many more let downs I can take. I know, it's nothing earth shattering like getting news of cancer or something, but it all adds up to take its toll and the person that I used to turn to when I had days (or weeks) like this was...George, so it serves to exacerbate what I'm already feeling because I don't have a George to turn to any more, you know?

[fred]

Hey Kay! That is twice you mentioned your job in this thread. Both times it wasn´t a positive comment. So considering how well you have done this weekend getting your house all in order, maybe it is time to look for something better. You are certainly organized, your posts show how intelligent and compassionate you are, and I have seen a bit of tenacity in your character as well; so why not find someplace that will appreciate your skills and reward you accordingly. Just a thought my friend.

[kayc]

Actually, Fred, I have been keeping an eye out, but with my commute and high mortgage payment, I need more than most places are willing to pay right now, we're in a hard hit area and there aren't many jobs. Also I have medical insurance at this job and a lot of employers are cutting back on that. But I am not discounting my options!