Lost For Words

[Guest moparlicious]

My husband has 2 sisters one is very ill with lymphoma and was a nurse(for Hospice I might add, my husband died at the facility she worked at prior to getting sick) anyways, the other sister has always been hateful to me, makes up stories, lies, smokes drugs, and is down right just the ugliest person( inside) her son married a crazy older women and she is jealous of me for some reason and accuses my nephew of having a affair with me. Now I know it is so nasty and she is very sick in the head but he got a new phone number and I haven't been able to get the number yet, I had a very good job opportunity for him so I texted her and of course she ignored me and I texted her now, so she calls her mother in law( my very twisted sister in law) and tells her I am harrasing her and calls the police. My sister in law then calls my youngest daughter(i changed my number and told everyone in the family not to give it to her) and asks my daughter what I am trying to pull and calls Missie a evil b****h. She really is driving myself and my children crazy, I do not know what to do about this. After my husband died I had a restraining order on her and she blamed me for Dans death, accused me of pushing Hospice on him and said it was my fault for talking him into DNR status. I have so much guilt over these issues everyday as it is.This is making me physically sick.

Now I have another story to share. When my husband first became sick with cancer 4 Dr.'s fought among each other and prolonged Dan's treatment, they were all trying to determine what was wrong with him and each had a different idea and did not work as a team. After the 17th hospital stay and Dan got a blood infection, pnemonia, numerous staff infections, he was sick was again and I called the PCP. He told us to go to a different hospital, I had 30 min to find a new oncologist, PCP, gastrologist and hospital, my husband was in serious status. They also found a spot on his brain prior to telling us he has brain cancer, and said it was nothing to worry about. I finally found a lawyer to take the case. She said this will be alot of stress on me and a very long process and a HUGE case. I am very scared about this and the lawyer said this will be the fight of my life. I know I don't need to do this, but who knows if treatment was given right away, I may still have my husband here and my children would still have their beloved dad here. He was truly a wonderful father, husband, son, and friend. I am at 16 months in this journey and I cry for him everyday. I truly miss him so much. I am grateful for the 24 years we had together, but 41 years old is too young. Ugh I am so miserable without him, the pain, sorrow and hurt just continues to weigh in my heart.

I posted a picture of my family on my other post so you all can put the face with the name. 2 steps forward and 3 back, I don't understand any of this. Kim :(

[marsha]

Good Lord, Kim - like you don't already have enough going on?? I don't know what to say, save let your nephew contact you first. I would cut off all communication with your sister in law in the meantime, because it just sounds like it will add fuel to the fire. Please, please, don't let guilt eat you up. It's so easy to do, but it will accomplish nothing. A mantra I repeat to myself daily, by the way.

As far as Dan's treatment, and a potential lawsuit - do you want to do this? Are you strong enough to do this? Do you want to relive this, for as long as the lawsuit takes? And will it change anything? I'm sorry to be so blunt. I've been through the cancer thing myself, except it happened so quickly I'm not sure anything would have helped. Once cancer progresses to the brain, and it did within one month of Joe's initial diagnosis, there's not much that anyone can do. It was fungal pneumonia that really killed him, he had no immune system left, and I never want to see this in my life again. This is only my sole opinion, based on what I've gone through. I'm sorry if I sound down, I just feel for you so strongly! Love, Marsha

[Guest moparlicious]

Marsha,

Thank you for your responses and don't worry about being blunt, man upfront and honesty is the way I live my life, sometimes it gets me in trouble. I am who I am. I am only doing the lawsuit because I do not want any more families to have to go through this pain and 13 months of vomiting and the slow death of cancer is very painful. I feel Dan around me and I know I need to be strong, for one of the dr.'s gave up and refused medical treatment told us flat out to go somewhere else, that is not fair to my children, his parents or his mother. This is after he was Dans Dr. for over 6 months. Shame on him for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope I can handle this and relieving it, ugh I know this make break me, but my heart tells me to do it. I am requesting a advocate to help me.

As far as the sister and nephew, they are causing great distress in our lives so I have pulled away and set huge boundaries for them not to be in our life right now. I have to take care of my children for their health is terrible right now and Missie is sick once again, for her immune system is attacking her body, there has to be something out there to help my sweet daughter. My mother in law started a prayer chain for her, please pass this on her name is Missie and she is very sick right now, I pray for peace and health also strength. Thanks my extended family I have beyond a plate full, but I refuse to let depression set in for their is some unknown reason for all this and why I am here. Love, Kim

[kayc]

Kim,

Only you can decide if you are up to the fight and want to go through with the lawsuit. If you do, we will all be cheering you on! If you decide not to, we'll understand. I didn't feel up to suing when George died, but I did talk to the doctor and told him if he ever is in this situation again, to PLEASE refer the patient for further diagnostics...you see, he didn't take George seriously when he complained for the last over a year about his chest hurting, couldn't breathe, ankle/foot pain, tiredness, etc. We had insurance that would have covered it, there's no reason he shouldn't have referred him to a Cardiologist.

As for your nephew, I'd NEVER contact that sister-in-law nor allow her to bring it upon your kids. Have you tried to reach him through facebook or myspace? You might even try sending him a message through his eBay account, I've done that before. Try googling him. Do you know where he lives so you can do a reverse listing (whitepages.com)? Names of any of his friends?

Good luck! He has a nice aunt to care this much!

[Guest moparlicious]

Thanks KayC!!!!!!!!!!!!! I appreciate the support!!!! Having a rough week. Love, Kim

[teny]

hELLOW kIM>I really dont know how I can be of any help.I just wanted to let you know Im thinking of you and hope you get strength and have courage to fight for what you believe it has to be done.Your kids health is the priority now.I wish you were in Greece my brother is a doctor and that would help alot.Love from far away .TENY

[kayc]

Kim.

I know your plate is often full...I don't know why it is that some people's lives seem to sail right on through, full of wonderful things (we've all received their Christmas Newsletters)...they get their husband to a ripe old age, they take cruises and eat lobster, they get to come home to each other every night, they are healthy and have good friends, their children turn out well and get straight A's in college and go on to become doctors and lawyers, their pets don't shed and they never get B.O. Their aged parents have keen minds and live independently. Their gardens bloom and their car has leather seats. They have a great view and the sun rises and sets on their place.

That hasn't been the case for me. I've had four marriages, three resulting in divorce and one, the one who was my beloved soulmate, ended in death. My children chose their own paths at their own paces and are in no hurry to bring me grandchildren. My mother is nuts and has plagued me all my life, and my dad, that I dearly loved, was an alcoholic and died at a young age. My pets shed and my place is filled with an abundance of snow. My finances are a challenge and my truck is old. I eat whatever I can find to fix, usually a poor man's meal. I have a long daily commute and no one to go home to. I have no time for gardening and usually none for dusting either.

Yet, I am happy. My life may not have turned out "as planned", but it has had it's points of interest. I have known the joy of being truly loved and the pain of having lost it. My children are wonderful, caring adults with great personalities and keen minds and they will find their own way in due time. While my mobile home may be aged and could definitely use new carpet, it sits amongst trees in a haven of beauty. I may not have as much time as I'd like to enjoy it, but when I do, it is wonderful. And my beloved's ashes are scattered in the back yard where I can look out upon, just as we sat many a day, cuddling on the porch swing, and looking out into the yard. My pets may shed, but they also greet me excitedly upon my return from work, and they "talk" to me and keep me company in my otherwise lonely evenings. They give me a reason to get up every morning as they demand their breakfast or walk.

Life is so full of challenges, many times it is wrought with tears and pain, but it also knows beauty and love.

I wish we could all be there for each other in an every day tangible way, but it's enough to know that we understand and care for each other.

[Karen MH]

Dear Kim,

In Marty's fabulous book, Finding Your Way Through Grief, she has a whole section on minimizing stress in order to help with grief. Playing the lawyer's game is like gambling, except that the stress and frustration increases every minute for years.

The lawyer's have nothing to lose (my first husband was one) because they don't have enough to do anyway. IF they win, it is gravy for them several years from now--not necessarily for you. Meanwhile, your LIVING and GRIEVING and RECOVERING have Titannic size anchors pulling them into dark waters.

I lovingly suggest something positive and productive on which to focus your soul's attention and life's strength.

Perhaps others can make some suggestions as to what.

Sincerely,

Karen MH

[AnnC]

I laughed so much at the description of the perfect people whose pets never shed and they don't get BO! We have relatives like that. Their Christmas card is always like a brochure, showing how they took cruises and look beautiful and their children graduated from Harvard and have jobs in law firms, on and on! I joked one year that they played up their children so much, were they trying to sell them? All I can say is that you never know what's REALLY going on at home. My life didn't turn out as planned and is far from picture perfect, but I am happy, even though my cats not only shed but have recently taken to peeing on the carpet -- thank God for Nature's Miracle!

Ann