Feeling The Need To Talk To The Dead About Death. And Calling Someone

[emptyinside]

I have the strange urge to talk to my dad about his death. My dad and I talked all the time, every day, about everything: funny news stories, my day, a joke, you name it. I always made a mental note to mention things to my dad; I do this with no one else. We had long conversations about anything and everything. Now that he isn't here, sometimes I feel like picking up the phone or something to talk to him about his death. "Hey, dad, guess what? Doctors thought you were a goner. I was a mess on the plane. You should have seen mom." "Hey, dad, they had a funeral for you and everything!" "Hey, dad, I broke down in public so many times!" I feel like he's on vacation and will come back one day so I can relay all this to him.

I'm reading this book on near-death experiences, and in it a person relays that a person was called out of death by loved ones...that the crying and begging from his family helped him to come back as he was dying. They were standing over his body. He felt the power of their love and desperation and came back. I was in another country when my dad passed. He was in the ICU, and my mom wasn't allowed in. What if I had been there? What if I had been there for him physically, calling him back? Maybe he would have survived. That's another reason why I think I'm responsible for his death.

[leeann]

Em.. Then I would just talk to him.. now.. anyway. It doesn't matter one bit if you talk to him and it might indeed help you to feel better. So.. go ahead and talk to him.

As for thinking that somehow you could have prevented his death... if you had only been there...and talked him into staying???

Um.. I don't think that is realistic. Go back to that book..... and read.. exactly how many people in that book came back because their family asked them to? My guess is, not many.

My belief is that if that one person came back.. it just simply wasn't their time yet. And some Higher Power allowed them to hear their family at that critical moment and help them to see that "it wasn't their time yet".

I know I don't have control over how and when my loved ones die. I'm not that powerful. Nor do I have that kind of control.

leeann

[Chai]

emptyinside,

I'm sorry you're feeling so terrible.

I think Leann has a very good suggestion. Talk to your dad, and talk to him about his death. Just the other day, I sat down, and said to my dad what I would have said to him, had I known to call him on his very last day, had I been there when he passed. I sat myself down on my computer chair in front of my dad's framed picture on the wall, and I told him how much I loved him, and thanked him, and etc. It made me cry, but it felt really good to get it out. I would really recommend trying it out and talking to your dad about whatever you want to.

Again, I have to agree with Leann. No matter what any book might say, we are not in control. I think that the idea of not having any control, of the control belonging to a Higher Being, can help us. It's not about what we did or did not do.

(((Hugs,)))

Chai

[emptyinside]

Thanks. I am talking to him. It's just not the same.

I just went to his room and looked at all his things. It's not possible he's not here. Look at all his stuff! Look at all the CDs he hasn't had a chance to go through yet. Look at all the books he wanted to read! What a waste. I'm so angry for him. I'm so angry he can't enjoy life with me. I'm so angry that other people his age or older get to live while he doesn't. I've been having hints of health problems myself, and I can't help but feel excited when I don't feel well. Maybe I'll get to go see him soon, I think.

My dad is special. He's everything to me. He took me with him. He really did.

[AnnieO]

Emptyinside,

I know it feels like your dad took you with him. But, I think he left the best parts of himself, here with you. He and your mom created you. He loved you, guided you and taught you so many wonderful things. He taught you how to love and take care of people. He taught you kindness and compassion. It makes me sad to read your post, when you are hopeful that you will get sick and die, so you can be with your dad again. If I were to die now, would I want my kids to die and follow me. No, no, no. I can't imagine your dad would want that either. Tell us what you are studying in school. What do you want to do when you are finished? You mentioned earlier your dad helped you decided on a career....can you share that with us?

[emptyinside]

I'm having a hard time. My sleep cycle's messed up. They advertised a free event on the news that my dad and I would have LOVED to do. If he were here, we'd be getting up at 5:00 A.M. to get ready to go. I'm watching all the families live on the news, enjoying the event. I suddenly got this panicky feeling again: hurry up, daddy, come home so we can go to this! You're going to miss this! I feel sick. It's very cold right now in the house, and I had a flashback of dad, the rustling of his coat and change clinking in his pocket as he got dressed. There were many cold mornings of us getting up with plans to do something fun. I'm going to be sick (sorry, I can't share other details right now about what I'm studying or I'll never stop crying). It doesn't seem real he's not here, getting dressed, grabbing the keys. I can almost hear him in the next room. Where is he? I've had no signs or anything. It's getting harder, not better. I don't want it to get better. I just want him back.

[leeann]

Em it's ok... that panicky feeling may not be anything more than just realizing that he isn't here anymore and then the feelings that follow are just plain old grief. And yes.. it is h-a-r-d. No question.

And I have learned, it is a journey this grief.... a process.. it takes time. Some times are more difficult than others. Grief doesn't always go in one direction I find. It is all over the place. Anything goes...and all feelings are acceptable.

Be patient with yourself. You are ok.... you're just in more emotional pain than you have ever experienced in your life up til now. And some day... that pain will NOT be as intense as it is right now. This terrible pain will subside eventually. I have found feeling it and expressing it are the best things I can do to move the process along and progress.

As for where your Dad is right now... Where do you think he is? What does your heart tell you?

His love is right there where it has always been.... that is right there... within you.

((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))

leeann