My Mom

[DianaAbdoo]

For Three years my mom had small cell cancer I was working at a facility for four years taking care of my mother and working hard to take care of the residents I cared for,My mom was taking kemo and radiation she was in and out of icu coming home feeling better so I continued to work and take care of her and continue to work. On Sept 9th a tues my mom went into icu again and was told that her food she was eating was going into her lungs ,The only way she could eat was to come home on hospice Sept 13th and being Certified I took care of my mom she asked to be able to come home and when she died she wanted to die in her own bed this was on a Sat 13th she came home I cared for my mom 24hours tell that next thursday Sept 18 she went into a coma at 6:pm and died at 8 :00 pm I miss her so much it happened way to fast I cant stop crying I have no appatite she told me she would give me a sign she made it to heaven yet I look for the sign and I cant seem to find what she wanted me to see. I miss her so much she was my world my smile my laughter she was everything to me and its not getting any easier.I am a christian and I love Jesus and I know I must go thru him to get to her yet I seem so lost my days dont matter anymore if the sun is shining or if its storming I really dont see any inportance to the days ahead. I thought i could hadle this thru my bible and my faith yet im no stronger then or now I miss my mom so very very much.I look back and wonder if I could of done something diffrent following Drs orders was my job yet this was my mom not my resident I cant believe how strong I was And how weak Iam looking back should of I been her Daughter and not her caregiver I have so many questions and so few answers.....Sincerly A Lost Daughter

[kath]

Dear Diana,

I am so sorry that you lost your mom. She was a lucky lady to have you, her own daughter, be able to provide the care she needed in her final days. You gave her a gift. I watched it with my husband and his daughter. The unspoken love between them was something so totally special and wonderful, I was priviledged to see it. The way she knew just what her dad needed, without questions, was remarkable. You can bet your mom knew she was in good hands. One of the hardest things about watching our children grow up and needing to find people to care for them is that a mom knows no one will love their child more than her. I'm sure it felt different for you to take care of your mom, to return her love, than it feels when you are caring for other residents.

I am happy to hear you have faith and love in Jesus. It will help you on this path you must travel. Keep reaching out to all of us. There is a beautiful poem recently shared, about us being part of God's garden. I thought of it as I read your story. It is normal to feel lost, confused and sad. It is normal to question what and why and how this tragedy could happen. It is normal to wonder if there was more that could have been done. Our human minds want to make sense of this that is so unsensible. Most of us haven't found many answers to our questions. What we have found is love, compassion, care and understanding in our family here. Keep talking. Keep crying. It all helps.

Love,

Kath

[DawnG]

I know exactly how you feel, I took care of my mom when she was sick and I can't believe I was strong either and so weak now. I often thought that I killed her by an overdose of adivant and morphine. It's hard but you can't second guess anything that you did because what you did was simply be an angel in quidance to helping your mother get to heaven, she loved what you did for her and wouldn't have had it any other way. Please don't second guess yourself I know it's hard but try not to. You did the best you could and you should be proud of yourself, I know your mom is!! She will show you a sign when she thinks you're ready. My mom died at my sisters and I took care of her for a little over a week, was her medical caregive even though I have no background, My brother and sister helped with every thing else, well long story short, I slept in the hospital bed that she died in that night and I got a nice cold feeling on my cheek as me and her dog drifted off to slumber.

You will get that sign when you're not looking for it. I commend you for what you did! I am proud of you!!

[southern eagle]

Hey there

A sign will come when you stop looking for it. It is simple and pure like an animal that shows up to you and gives you love. Going thru my second death in 4 months, I pray for you and you are not alone....this group is here for you day and night...reach out and trust that god is with you.....

(((((((((((((((((hugs and love in god))))))))))))))))))))

Patti