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Hey guys,

My mum passed away just over 5 years ago - i was 20. I know you are never ready for it but i still lived at home and most of my life was about my mum. Whenever anything happened she'd be the one i'd call. I always worried about her going and was terrified of it happening. Then suddenly one day she was gone.

Thing is at the time i handled things very well, looking after my dad etc. Had a few panic attacks but generally was ok. Couldn't believe i was doing so well - too well. Anyways, the past 12 months ish have been filled with panic attacks, anxiety, sudden pangs of wanting my mum etc. I've know all my symptons are due to my grief cos i just couldn't deal with it at the time so bottled it so deep inside that i just wouldn't think about it. But know it's making me physically ill with blurred vision, dizzy, short of breath, terrible fear will die, awful knot in my stomach. I'm on loads of meds from the doc and don't want this.

I'm just so sad cos i just don't know how to move forward. I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life. If anyone else has experienced panic thro their grief pls respond - i just need to know i'm not a freak feeling like this.

Plus i think it's been 5 years - i should be fine. I just don't know what to do :( xx

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