Just...:(

[Chai]

Today was a rough day. Really, really rough. I was already tired, but the grief totally exhausts me. Today, I would stop crying, only to start again. For no particular reason, other than that there was this perpetual sad feeling throughout the day. It was really hard to shake off. I stayed in my room almost all day.

I miss my dad a lot. Someone in the "Comparisons" thread suggested imagining what your parent would say to you, and that has been helping me, and I know I should apply it all over. But...I was thinking about this conflict topic, that comes up occasionally, between my mother and I. Basically, there's this religious festival I go to every year, and she doesn't like the festival leader, and I do. It's a huge point of contention. I was talking to her about this year's festival (which is far away), and her mood was so disapproving that it upset me.

Because, I feel attending this festival will really help me in my grief, to get spiritual encouragement. But just because she disapproves of the festival leader, her mood whenever the topic comes up is very stern. All I want is some extra support; I thought, talking to her about how much I like it, will convince her to be happier about it, since I need things that will strengthen me right now. But no, I got the same mood from her that I've gotten over the last few years.

Usually, I would call up my dad to express my frustrations to him. But now he's not here to call. And I could talk to my stepdad, but he doesn't understand my feelings on the topic the same way my dad did.

I miss my dad a lot! There are so many things he did for me, and ways we interacted together, that no one else can do/be the same.

A couple things did make me happy over spring break, though. I remembered the kaleidoscope my dad got me as a kid (it's in my room at home)...and bought a new stone for my collection (my dad started me on collecting).

[mlg]

Do you need mom's help in paying for the trip? If not and you have found it helped you in the past then I say go for it. As a mom I would have told my kids what I thought and if they had the means to do it anyway then so be it. But I will add that if it didn't go well, I'd probably be happy inside that I was right, but it sounds like this has helped you before so there shouldn't be any reason it wouldn't this time. I hope whatever decision you make that in the end you are happy with it. Just explain to your mom that you respect her thoughts but it has helped in the past and that you feel you REALLY need it this year and you aren't doing it just to upset her.

[Chai]

Do you need mom's help in paying for the trip? If not and you have found it helped you in the past then I say go for it. As a mom I would have told my kids what I thought and if they had the means to do it anyway then so be it. But I will add that if it didn't go well, I'd probably be happy inside that I was right, but it sounds like this has helped you before so there shouldn't be any reason it wouldn't this time. I hope whatever decision you make that in the end you are happy with it. Just explain to your mom that you respect her thoughts but it has helped in the past and that you feel you REALLY need it this year and you aren't doing it just to upset her.

Thank you for your input, mlg. I feel it is good to get a bit of her perspective, a mom's perspective, on it. I am trying to put myself in her shoes a little and I know she is just doing it out of concern for me, but I feel there is nothing to be concerned about. I might need help with the money... Because there is not only getting there, but also there is a festival fee. Luckily I can stay with friends, but as for the money part, I might need help...either way I hope to figure out some way to go, and that somewhere in her heart, she can accept that it really makes me feel good. I just wish she could be happy that it makes me happy...we shall see.

[kath]

Dear Chai,

I know what you mean when you are looking for advice from your dad and no one else thinks the same way. I'm glad you are talking here. You are sure to get a lot of different perspectives. Your mom doesn't like the leader. What specifically are her worries? If it is something different than her own religion, I understand her fears. We just want what (we think) is best for our children. When something is different than our own beliefs, it is hard to relate and harder to understand the benefit.

You have a wonderful way with words. I'm sure if you tell her what it is you are looking for and that you think you can find it there, she'll understand "you" more and what it is you need. But I think what is more important than getting your mom's approval, because that is something you received unconditionally from your dad, you have to follow your heart. You know what you need and this seems like one place to get that spiritual support. Good luck, my friend. Let us know how it goes.

Love,

Kath

[Chai]

Kath, thank you for your advice. I am getting a lot of perspectives on it, it is interesing to read and think about, these different reactions. Well, when I say leader, perhaps I shouldn't have phrased it so. Basically, he is a guru from India, and people come from all over the world to hear him speak during this weeklong festival, to get his association, and to get his blessings.

My mother's point of contention, she thinks that this guru's philosophy is somehow different from what was preached by another guru who came to India before him (the former, my mother is a disciple of). By my going to the festival and by my enthusiasm, my mom sees I am appreciating this other guru and receiving the philosophy. She thinks I am getting "sidetracked" and would like me to not go to the festival.

But my father and I, we believe that these two gurus have the same philosophy, and although obviously there are differences, their goals and missions are the same. The way my dad and I saw it, is, the philosophy is the same, and getting the blessings of this festival leader is invaluable to our spiritual lives.

"Follow my heart," I like this advice. I think that is what my dad would say, too. That is why I keep going to this festival every year. I got some extra money recently, so I might try and save up for the festival and be able to manage the expense on my own. I shall update more as the situation changes, and the festival date gets progressively closer.