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Rebuilding A Life


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My father died thee years ago of a sudden heart attack and I was with him when it happened. He was my best friend in the world and meant everything to me. I have tried to go on and rebuild my life but it just seems like I am behind a wall of loneliness. I excpected the grief to be over by now. The intense grief is over but the worst part of it is , but I feel so alone and abandoned. I have no family and ony one close friend whom I can't talk about my problems with. I have tried to make friends unsucessfully. I met a man but he turned out to be abusive and had mental problems. I talked with a Jehovah's witness who happened to come to my home one day and attended their church, thinking I would have some support there. When I didn't agree with their beliefs they stopped talking to me. It just seems so hard to make friends in the city I'm in.

Now I am really afraid to make friends with anyone after these bad experiences. It just seems like my life will never get better. I feel like I am being punished after my father's death. I feel like such an outcast. I am miserable in my life and feel stuck. I also am facing financial problems and barely get by, so I don't feel like I have alot of options. What I feel I should work on now is just finding moments of joy in my life. I feel so stuck and wonder if anyone has any suggestions.

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I'm sorry to hear of the sudden loss of your Dad. I know 3 years may seem like a long time.... but I know it doesn't always seem so long ago to me. Well sometimes it seems like last month... and other times it seems like it was 20 years ago... ya know?

But what you are doing.. rebuilding a life....sure isn't easy.

When I read your post, I thought maybe joining an organization of some sort or volunteering somewhere with something that you feel strongly about might help. Or even a part time job.. if you can find one ... I know that isn't easy in these times though. But getting "out there" in some new way to tip-toe back into life may help.

What are you passionate about? What means alot to you? What are you interested in? Maybe finding somewhere that you can share that interest and passion with others may allow you to make new friends more easily.

It is very hard to adjust to life without someone we are so close with. You were able to share everything with your Dad and now you feel there is no one else you can share on that level with. Well.. no one will ever take your Dad's place.. true. But it seems like you have plenty of room in your heart for new people. And I have found that once I follow my interests.. I usually meet new people I have much in common with.

It IS a bit scary for all of us to step back into life... I think because once we lose someone... we are feeling so very vulnerable. But what is great is now you are feeling like you are healed enough from your loss to engage in new relationships! That is a great sign. But sure... I think everyone is a bit timid at first. But someone once told me, courage is doing things anyway even when we are scared. So if you are feeling nervous about joining a group or attending some events.. I think ANYone would feel that way. So don't worry.

Another idea I thought of was perhaps joining a grief group at a local hospice or at a local hospital. That may help you too. You have been down the grief path for a bit... but it is always nice to be with others who are quite familiar with some of the hills, valleys, vistas and bends along that path. And there is a place where you can share with people on a more intimate level.

So perhaps look in your area phone book for Hospice and give them a call to ask about any group meetings they may have. If they don't have any they may be able to steer you to someone or someplace who does.

And of course feel free to share here with us. We're here for you too!


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Dear Rebecca,

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad, and that you are struggling so much to find a way out of this loneliness.

I have just been asking similar questions to myself - who am I now? How do I built a new identity? Do I have to? - and so I have been researching some answers to these sorts of questions, these "rebuilding" questions.

Here is a link that I found that you might find helpful. It is, at least, thought-provoking for a later time:

Building a New Identity after the Death of a Loved One

(Regardless of ads, it is actually a good article).

I hope that helps, at least some. I wish you the best in your search for answers.

take care,


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