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How To Control The Emotions..

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post-12995-1244267229_thumb.jpg This is what I was before....I have no current of my state of mind , but one thing coems to lite, a black presence on matter that is living in my chest, that is not subsizing.......


This all started Dec 24, 2008, where as my Mom went for the "first visit" to the hopital(the one who added to the pain, falling off her bed, not cohearant enogh to fend for herself.) Then they couldn't find any real evdence of a possible stroke and sent he home, I think way too early, but they are the doctors, right??????? So the next hospital visit was the same place, but with a little more care. What happened to the care the first time???? So now she was only out ofr the first visit for about1 week. Wow! Who was the braniac??? As you can see here that my anger is in full engement as well as the what the hell is wrong with this sysytem!!!!!!

To reinterate about how this all start and who my Mom is: bilateral amp.(both legs gone) as that is what the disease of Diabetes can do to a person. She led a very independant life, even with the wheelchair bound, she coud get a round. I was so proud that she was so independant and that she didn't need me for everything, even though I did caregive for here anytime.

I knwo it was the right thing to as it was my parent. She brought me up, struggles to keep food on the table as a single Mother for as long as I lived with her. I, in returned also, became that person, but an smaller scale. So the love for my Mom is deep. When this all happned, my life was instantanious changed. I went from happy with my current cituation to, holy s***, I found where my feeling have been stuffed down all this time.

I need therapy.....even I can't logicalized with myself any more, and I am good at it normally. But onto these *%#@$ emoctions that I feel that I have my tempered glass shell shattered, but still in one piece, where what I question, where and when will it give out? That my friends to me is FEAR..........powerfull word........then......my Father had a stroke Feb 21 ( as they do not reside or talke to each other, ever) Now, I am the only sisiter here that could only possibly do anything. So does any get what I have/am going though for 5 mths, but when my MOM passed, that was the straw that broke my back............I don't have a big family and I do have 1 sister, who in my mind has no means to help, wasn't close to my Mom like me and I am trying not to feel resentment towards her. I am the tower of stregnth to all who know me and come to me for advice, but the strength I wants had, is breaking down to little shattered tempered glass, it just hasn't broke, yet...........................I have heartache before but not at this level and I want it to go away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! roller coaster that I ride everyday, is horrible.....i am seeking Psyocologist help...

I am so level-headed, that even I cannot fix my situation alone..........MY MOM WAS MY LIFE..SHE PUT ME HERE ON THIS EARTH AND NOW SHE LEFT ME.....the crying always comes whenever it likes, just like when I cross the boarder, and my car was a random check, and the officer asked me why are you off work today? then the tears started to flow, but catching my breath, exp. that my MOm just died 2 weeks ago and it was so freah in me. If anyone knew me, I don;t cry, especially in front of stangers.......but it comes where, when or why............do I need meds...I know it will go awasy some day..................but to control the heartache......

WOW I said alot.....

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Hi Sherr,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom {{hugs}}. My mom passed away unexpectedly 2 months ago tomorrow, so I can relate to what you are going through. All I can say is don't try to control these emotions that you are having.... you need to feel them and get them out. It's part all a part of mourning the loss of your mom. I hate to say that I know what you are going through because we all grieve differently, but I do understand. I lost the ones that were closest to me all within a 3 year period, my dad, my grandmother and now my mom. All that is left from my family is me and my sister. (I do have a husband and children, but I mean the family I was raised with). I am 33, my sister is only 23 and at times I feel like a lost little girl who was left to deal with everything and my has world caved in on top of me.

You are right, it does get better with time. I don't think it ever goes away, but the craziness you are feeling now does. I've had to have the help of medication to help me cope, and there is nothing wrong with that. You do what you have to do to get through this. I agree seeing a counsellor would definitely be helpful.

I am new to this board too, and I though I don't post much, I find that coming here and knowing that there are people who understand what I'm feeling is comforting. I hope you find that too. I'm here if you need someone to listen.....


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Thank you so much for a reply....it means so much that I am not going crazy, even though I know there are so many people out there feeling like this or have. ((((huggs))))


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Hi Sherr, so sorry for your loss. I am new here as well. My Mom passed 4 weeks ago and today is her birthday. This is a great site and I have found it helpful to read what others are facing it really does help, you don't feel so alone anymore. The best advice I have received is be gentle with yourself, don't fight the grieving process and let it happen as it will. There is no need to feel embarassed about crying in front of others. You lost your mother and yes that is a very big deal.

Warmest hugs and healing


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