My Dear Son Corey

[Eiram812]

On March 21. 2009 my life changed forever. I received a call from my son's wife telling me that my oldest son was killed when a vehicle and was killed instantly. I do not know how to accept this great loss. The hardest part was telling my other two sons that there brother was dead and Corey's only son. Life for us will never be the same. Pain, oh the pain is so great. my heart I can feel a hole in it, the place where my son resides. As a parent we do not expect our children to go before us. But, it's happened to me. I live in another world. I always called my sons "my three sons". I thought I wanted more information so I called georgia police dept. and spoke to the officer that was on the scene. I call the coroners office to get a copy of the autopsy report, I called the hopsital to get a copy of the report from the hospital and I have received the autopsy report and what that did for me was bring reality that my son is really gone. But, most of all it let me know what really happened to him. My life before this happened seems no more. Trying to bring some normalcy back to my life has been very hard. I think of my son daily (all day & night). I know my son was killed instantly but, the thought of what he went through broken, arm, leg, forearm, multiple broken ribs, he was in pain. But, getting the report help me to know what happened to him. Doesn't make me feel better but, now I know. Please pray for me and my children.

[MartyT]

My dear friend, I'm so very sorry to learn of the tragic accident that took the life of your precious son. I hope that, as you are able, you will read through some of the other posts in this forum and see that you are not alone. We are here for you, wrapping our arms around you, walking beside you in your sorrow, and holding you and your family in gentle thought and prayer.

[Yolonda]

I am so sorry for the loss of Corey. I, too, know that pain that you speak of in your post as I lost my only child - a 3 year old little girl 8 months ago. Losing your child is a very unnatural life altering event. I know that this journey I am on will forever run concurrently with whatever journey I am on for the rest of my life. I am so sorry that you have joined this club with the high price admission that no one ever asks to be a part of.

Take good care of yourself,

Yolonda

Angel D'Lon Grace Mommy

[Eiram]

Thanks Yolanda,

I feel for you also. So sorry to hear of your daughter. Our lives will never be the same. Trying to find some form of normalcy is very difficult. The only thing in my life that is the same is my work. So I bury myself there. I am also seeing a counselor and it really helps. If you have not, please do. I am struggling daily with the loss of my son. I cry daily. Mother's day and father's day was so difficult because he always called me and I him on these days. He always called me on Tuesday nights and even today I expect the call from him. We will hurt. I am told "it gets better". It's been four months for me and it still feel like today I heard the words on the phone. "corey is dead". These words go through my head daily. My heart burst and now feel the place in my heart he holds. If you have an e-mail address send it to me or e-mail me @ ma.812@hotmail.com. I have a song that I would like to send you that helps me. I listen to it daily. But, it will make you cry but, let you know that our children are with God.

[Yolonda]

I just pm'd my email address to you. Thank you so much for your reply. I am doing one on one counseling. I tried group and that just was not for me, but the one on one allows me to just talk it out and that's what I need right now. I wish I had work or something, but I had been a stay at home mom for now 4 years and this is an awful time to re-enter the work force. Most days I really wish I had it, but some days I'm glad I dont. I am now 9 months into my journey and while that raw gut wrenching pain that you have from the moment you open you eyes to the time you go to sleep, if you are able to go to sleep, is not there any more. Well its not there all day anymore. I have my good days, but even in them are 2 or 3 or 4 bad moments where the wind is knocked out of me when the reality of what has happened taps on the shoulder and says I'm still here.

Anyway, I wish you peace and strength as you continue your journey.

Take good care,

Yolonda

Angel D'Lon Grace Mommy

[Eiram812]

Yolonda, I did not get your e-mail address. Will you please try and send it again? I have been away spending time with my other children and grandchildren. Wish I could put them in a bubble and protect them from the world. losing my makes me scared for my other children and grandchildren. when the phone rings I am even more afraid. I feel that someone is calling to give me bad news. We parents do not deserve to hurt so tremendoulsy. Sleep, I wish I knew how to do that again without medication. I am also taking one-on-one counseling. I agree with you the group counseling did not help me and maybe I did not stay in it long enough but, at the time it was only two weeks after Corey and I needed someone, something to try and get some comfort. I do work and it really does help me because work is the only normal I have in my life. My friends here and the state I moved from were and are so supportive. We have to be here for each other.

[JonKoisMom]

I'm so sorry to hear about your Corey. We all know that parent's aren't supposed to have to bury their children. I have two deposits in Heaven. 28 yrs. ago, I lost my baby Noah to SIDS when he was 7 weeks old and June 29 of this year, I lost my oldest son Jon,37, to a choking accident. I can tell you from the first loss that though your life will never be the same, the pain will become duller over time. There are still all those monumental times that I get really sad over Noah, when he would have started school, when he would have graduated High School, etc. but Jon is a totally different situation but yet the same pain. My husband and I were encouraged to go to a Bereaved Parents support group when Noah died and back then it really helped. Some of the folks had lost infants and some adult children. We never got the chance to make memories and they had all those memories to cherish but also to work through.

With Noah, I had to know everything about what took him. I read so many horror stories of parents who were accused of killing their babies because they tried so hard to recessitate them but yet with Jon, who was born with Cerebral Palsy and was totally dependent on someone to feed him and do so much of his care, I'm just waiting. Waiting to see what the Coroner's investigation reveals. There are so many people I have to consider before I could start an investigation into his death. His elderly grandparents who raised him from the age of 7 1/2 when his father and I divorced, his Bi-Polar brother that is very angry right now. This kind of loss is so hard. I too work but find it very stressful because I have such a difficult time focusing on anything but my son, and his siblings. I'm thankful that we can come together on-line and share our grief. I work strange hours and feel more comfortable this way. I will be praying for you and your family. I'm also having the lack of sleep. I wake all hours and then have to get up and go to work. I think sharing helps us see that there are others out there that could maybe not feel quite so alone when we share our experiences, fears, and eventually, our hope.

Kathy

[Eiram812]

Hello Jon's mom,

I am so sorry for your losses. I am having more nights of not sleeping. I wish this would not have happened to us but, it have. Our lives without our children feel so empty. Trying to go on day to day is very difficult. I have good moments and so many bad moments I can't keep up with them. My son have one biological son and he came to stay a month with me and he left Friday 8/7. He is so much like my son. When he got on the plane to go home I felt so sad. I just wanted to run down the ramp and bring him back. His voice is like my son, he laughs like my son, and all of the funny things my son did he does them too. Down side is that he is sloppy same as my son . It was a pleasure to clean up behind him because this is what I had to do for my son. My heart is hurting so much. My son's birthday will be next month and I don't know what to do. His birthday is one month from the day of mine. I don't know how to cope. I take meds to sleep but they don't help any more. I may sleep a couple hours. Doc says he will raise the miligrams so that I can start resting. When I look at my sons pictures from birth to now. I wonder why was my wonderful child taken from me????