Loss My Mom May 24, 2009

[joanr48]

TO ALL OF YOU THAT HAVE LOSS SOMEONE I'M SO SORRY.

MY MOM PASSED AWAY ON MAY 24, 2009.

I QUIT MY JOB TO TAKE HER OUT OF A NURSEING HOME, EVERY TIME I WENT TO VISIT HER IT WORK BREAK MY HEART TO SEE HER THERE. SHE WAS AT MY HOUSE FOR 2 MONTHS BEFORE SHE PASSED AWAY. THERE WERE THINGS THAT I DID FOR HER WHICH I DIDN'T THINK I WOULD DO FOR ANYONE. BUT WHEN THE TIME CAME I DID IT WITH OUT THINKING ABOUT IT. UP TO THE TIME SHE PASSED AWAY.

I MISS HER SO MUCH, ALL I WOULD LIKE IS TO HAVE HAD MORE TIME WITH HER. I GO INTO HER ROOM AND SIT, BUT SHE NOT THERE. I LOOK AT THE DINNING ROOM TABLE A TO SEE HER HAVING COFFEE AND SHE NOT THERE. I LOOK IN THE LIVING ROOM TO SEE HER IN SHE CHAIR BUT SHE NOT THERE. I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO FEEL HER AND TO HAVE HER KISS ME ONE MORE TIME. ONE MORE SMILE. JUST A LITTLE MORE TIME.

I'M 61 YEARS OLD, YOU WOULD THINK THAT I COULD UNDERSTAND DEATH. I HAVE AN OLDER SISTER WHO JUST KEEP SAYING MOM WITH OUR STEP-DAD SO SHE HAPPY NOW, SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL AND DOESN'T ASK. MY OLDER BROTHER IS TRYING TO LOOK OUT FOR ME. MY HUSBAND IS A GREAT GUY AND HELPED ME WITH MOM THROUGH EVERYTHING, I WOULDN'T HAVE MADE IT WITHOUT HIM. HE IS DOING HIS BEST FOR ME TOO.

I HAVE GOOD DAYS AND I HAVE BAD DAYS AND TODAY IS A VERY BAD DAY FOR ME. I HAD TO START GOING THROUTH MY MOM'S PAPERS. I KNOW IN TIME THINGS GET BETTER, BUT FOR NOW MY HEART IS BROKEN INTO PIECES.

THANKS FOR LETTING ME TALK

JOAN

[Limbo]

Joan, I am so sorry for your loss. My Mom passed on May 19th and I do not feel that I have really started grieving for her. I cry, I want to pick up the phone and did once, big mistake I had to listen to "we're sorry this number is no longer in service".

It sounds like you were very close in life, it is so hard to have someone torn from our lives this way. It is not fair, nor is it something we ever really "get over". But what do I know very new at this myself.

Have done alot of reading here on the boards there are some amazing and compassionate people. If anything it may help you feel not so alone to read what they are going through and how they cope.

And know that I personally am here if you ever feel like sending an email. I can't make it better but we can help each other and honor their lives with our compassion.

Be gentle with yourself, grieve as you need to and I hope you can feel the warm hug I send to you now.

Hugs

Aries

[joanr48]

ARIES

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REPLY. I'M SORRY ABOUT YOU MOM. IT'S SO HARD NOT TO CALL OUT TO THEM OR PICK UP A PHONE. I FOUND A PICTURE OF MY MOM FROM 2006 ON MY COMPUTER THAT I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD, SHE LOOKED SO GOOD AND THAT SMILE WAS THE ONE I WANT TO SEE ONE MORE TIME. I MADE COPYS AND JUST ABOUT PUT ONE IN EVERYROOM OF THE HOUSE.

I LOOK AT THAT PICTURE AND JUST HAVE TO SMILE MYSELF. JUST FOR A SECOND IT FEEL LIKE SHE WITH ME.

I HOPE THAT YOU'LL FIND SOMETHING THAT WILL DO THAT FOR YOU. YOU ARE WECLOME TO EMAIL ME ANYTIME. I THINK IT HELPS JUST TO HAVE SOMEONE THAT KNOWS WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH. DO YOU HAVE SISTERS OR BROTHERS? IF SO CAN

YOU TALK TO THEM?

HUGS

JOAN