The Loss Of My Boyfriend's Son

[kajinpa]

Hi,

On August 14th, 2002 my boyfriend lost his only son. He was only 26. Before his death we had a really solid and strong relationship...could talk about anything and everything and we did. When his son died I was involved with all the arrangements because my boyfriend had asked me to be. One month after he died we had his birthday to get through...it was hard and heartbreaking. Since we dealt with the first birthday without his son last September, my boyfriend has been pushing me away...and pretty much shutting me out of his life. In fact, we aren't together at this time because he told me that he needed a break. He told me that it wasn't me or anything that I did but that it was him and he wasn't happy. We had a few good months and then around the end of June I could see him getting quieter and keeping to himself more even though my son's and I were there and he said that he wanted us over. When he got like that I automatically assumed that he wanted to be alone so we left to go home. I don't know if that was right or wrong but that's what I did. My question is, is this a normal part of the grieving process? I am scared that he may be suffering from depression... I have to be honest with you, I don't know what it's like to have one of my children die...I just know from being there with my boyfriend that losing a child in my opinion, is the worst thing that could happen to anybody. I am hurting twice...first, because my boyfriend's son died - a part of him, and second, seeing my boyfriend hurt so badly and know that I can't take even a little bit of the pain off his shoulders for a while to give him a break. This is hurting me more than I can explain. He is pushing away everyone who loves him. After his son died, I promised him that no matter what I would never leave him alone to deal with this by himself. I want to keep my promise to him...I want to be there for him...I want to help him in any way that I possibly can, but he shut me out. I love him very much and I love his kids as well...Has anyone ever been through this? I am giving him his time alone and I plan to do that for as long as he needs me to even though this is hard for me to do and it hurts me very much. I always told him that I love him and that there wasn't anything in the world that I would do for him...I guess even leaving him alone. If anyone has been through something similar, please give me some advice. I am hoping that after he has the time that he needs to do what he has to do he will let me back into his life again. This hurts so bad...I saw my boyfriend lose his only son, had to stand by and watch him hurt the worst hurt he has ever felt and now, I seem to have lost him too...If there is anybody out there that can help me deal with all of this...please...please help me...

Thanks,

Kim

[momalomax]

i think he is pushing you away because he loves you so much that he is scared that something mite happen too you god forbid and he cant deal with any more loss in his life i too push my husband away sences my sister and my daddy has past , the love is still there just dont give up on him if you love him fight for him he needs you even if he dosent no it right nowhe is lost in his pain right now i am very sorry for both of your loses

god bless

momalomax

[AllyNoble]

thanks momo that makes sense for me right now keep pushing all my friends away .. hadnt related it to this ..