Korina Posted August 2, 2009 Report Share Posted August 2, 2009 My husband passed away on June 17, and I am not sure where I am at in my "grief work". I have had worse days and better days, but generally, all of them have really sucked on some level. And tears have come easily. And at some point, there was that hollow pit in my stomach. But today, I have not really felt those intense emotions. I have been sad, yes. But the intensity has not been there. It has only been 6 weeks. My husband was my life for 20 years....my soulmate. I am visiting my family, so am surrounded by different surroundings and different activities. And I have our 6 month old to care for (but there is nothing different in this). Is the difference in environment an explanation. I am almost getting this desperate feeling that I am doing something wrong, that I am forgetting him. Why? And what is with this lack of emotional intensity?Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Mayhew Posted August 2, 2009 Report Share Posted August 2, 2009 Hi Korinastraight after Cliff's funeral, I went to Sweden to stay with an old friend for a week. It had been approx 5 weeks since he died. I hardly cried the whole time I was there. I read lots and slept lots. I cried when I arrived and told her how he had died, then I did't cry again till I got home.I felt guilty and a little freaked out that I wasn't crying.With hindsight, I think that it was escapism?My message to you is don't feel bad ... you have months and years and an ocean of tears to come ... and I bet that when you walk back through your front door when you return home, they will come in force. I hope that doesn't come across as depressing or negative, I'm just being remembering how it was with me!There is no way that you are forgetting him, don't worry. You are in the very early days when you will also feel numb. I think your mind protects you from the horror of reality.Keep posting and let us know how you are ok? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlg Posted August 3, 2009 Report Share Posted August 3, 2009 Speaking for myself, I always do better when people are around. There isn't that totally empty feeling around you and it feels more "natural" to have people around. I have something else besides myself to think about. When I went to Florida with some friends from my grief support group I also found that I could go to sleep without the TV on. It was so comforting to have people to eat with, talk with, cry with. Don't feel bad. As Boo said you have much more crying to come and it may hit you like a ton of bricks at the moment you least suspect. Just enjoy the "good" days and consider it a giant step forward. Take one step at a time and there will be time you slip backwards but that is normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Mayhew Posted August 3, 2009 Report Share Posted August 3, 2009 Mary LindaI totally agree. I call it enjoyingpeople TM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emptyinside Posted August 3, 2009 Report Share Posted August 3, 2009 Yes to all said above. I'd enjoy the times you don't cry because crying sessions do tend to come out of no where and hit like a ton of bricks. I think not crying sometimes is your body's way of giving you some rest. I really don't think you're forgetting him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted August 4, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 4, 2009 Thank you, everyone. I am now finding that even around my family, I am feeling sad, and have cried some. I will try to enjoy the "enjoyingpeople" moments, though I still have feelings of guilt when I do. It is our little girl's 6 month birthday today. Scott looked so forward to seeing her at this age, so I will just try to think of him looking down on her and smiling.It is comforting to know others have gone through this. And I am waiting for that ton of bricks with a mixture of relief from guilt and trepidation....It is good to be with my family.Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Mayhew Posted August 4, 2009 Report Share Posted August 4, 2009 Korina, I too felt guilty in the early days when I smiled or laughed. Then one day you suddenly don't feel bad about laughing anymore. At least that's how it was for me.At 7 months almost now (in 2 days) I now cry every evening. It will sound strange to you right now, but I have this surreal ability now which enables me to act professional at work during the day, then in the evenings I grieve for him. I look at it as "our time" - the evenings always were our time, and they still are.Whatever you feel is OK - there is no manual for this and we all react in different ways and on differing timescales.We are here for you x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted August 7, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 7, 2009 Boo:Interesting points - thanks! Although today was an exception (I was crying this morning), I seem to be finding that I cry consistently every night before bed, probably because I use that time to write a letter to Scott. It used to be that I cried in the shower, all the time. I don't know what it will be like when I go back to work, as I am on Maternity/Parental leave, right now. I suppose things will morph as time goes on. But I certainly do have it in my mind that I am being disloyal if I am having too good at time (keeping in mind a "good time" is all relative...!). But I don't feel guilty about enjoying our little girl, as I know he would want that. I just sometimes miss him more at those times, as she is making me smile.Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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