Fear Of Being Left Alone

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

I am very afraid right now that I will be left alone, with no one to be with as I grow older... I have few friends and I know one day i will be all alone and this scares me to death... How can I deal with being alone and not having anyone who cares as I get older... Shelley

[Boo Mayhew]

awww Starkiss, your post tugged on my heartstrings.

You are such a kind, caring, loving person that I don't believe for an instant that you will be left alone in your old age. You will always have friends. If you change jobs, you will meet new ones too. And if you change neighborhood. And if you take up a new hobby and a night class.

Now that I am 45 I have a handful of very close friends and then other friends who I rarely see due to the thousands of miles that separate us, work friends, etc etc ... my point is though, you only need two or three really good loyal friends, and you are lucky to have found each other :-) It sounds as if you have those two or three friends, the ones that count. I don't know how old you are, but my really close friends are the ones who have travelled the past three decades with me. We look at each other sometimes and say, "when did we turn into our mothers? when did that happen?" We tease each other about things going back to when we were 17. We supported each other through relationships that went awry ... we held each other when parents, grandparents, and others died. They hold me now.

I wonder if all the recent focus on your parent's ashes has led you to think about this, or because the end of August is looming over the horizon? And I know how much you miss your Mom, which in itself can make you feel so lonely and scared, because I too had a lovely Mom and losing her at the age of 29, suddenly to a stroke, was horrendous. I know how close Moms can be to us, and how they always love us no matter what ... and how they are always there for us, until one day ... they are not.

My heart goes out to you xx

[STARKISS]

Hi Boo,

Thank you for your reply, I do have a couple of friends... My family that I live with are sounding so close to telling me to hit the road.. My brother-in-law and I are having so much trouble and things are a little rough... I am thinking maybe I should try find a place for myself but than I will be all alone all the time... Take care Shelley

[emptyinside]

StarKiss, my loss has made me fear this, too, when I didn't even think of this before! All of a sudden I'm insecure and afraid I'll be all left alone in the world, especially if I never get married. No advice. Just wanted to say that I feel the same way.

[Boo Mayhew]

Starkiss and Em

I think it is perfectly natural to feel alone and insecure when you lose a parent(s).

I know I did at the time.

All I can tell you is that one day you WILL know that you can stand on your own two feet, and one day, even though you will still absolutely love them with all your heart, you won't miss them in the same way that you do today.

S - can you think about house-sharing with someone from work, or one of your friends?

Hugs to you both

xx

[STARKISS]

Hi Boo,

Eventhough the Christmas season makes me think of all the loved ones that have passed on... I do have a new start to living again, I am the head of the Beaver group my nephew attends and I also help with a Brownie group in town as well... I think that my parents would be proud of me for getting back to living and that I have decided to help teach children too... Shelley

[Korina]

Shelley:

I am so glad to hear that you have some new things in your life to help you start living again. No doubt, both your parents would be proud of you. And perhaps Boo's suggestion to houseshare is a good idea. I guess, bit by bit, we have to move forward (I think it was Linda who had received advice that while we don't move "on", we move forward).

Hugs,

Korina

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

I still have the fear of being left alone but live now with a sister and her family, I have never really lived by myself and so in a few years I will do that but live close enough to have some one there if needed Shelley

[niamh]

hi Shelley,

I can so relate to your fear.I spent the weekend thinking my Mom is the only person left in the world that I am number one to and I'm so scared of losing her. I have some very good friends, some married, some not but as good as they are I just think well they have their own lives, they will prob all get married, have families and enjoy their lives while I'm stuck here struggling to exist every single day. I've lost that dream myself of meeting someone, having a family, I just don't want it anymore. I try my best not to think ahead but sometimes I can't help it and it scares me so much, thinking I will be left completely all alone here and I don't want it....I feel like such a big baby.

Truth is I hope so much that my life is not meant to go on for another 30+ years, I hope it's meant to be shorter. I just feel so so lonely and life has no meaning for me anymore.

I'm sorry for your sadness and fear, sorry my post isn't more positive, I'm just so broken

hugs to all

niamh

[STARKISS]

Thanks Niamh,

I have such anxiety issues right now, I have never suffered from anxiety till my parents died and now it is a daily thing that happens so often I think it is just normal to feel this way.. Shelley

[niamh]

I can relate a little Shelley, mine seems to come and go but I do find a lot of the time I have this constant nervousness, in my heart, in my tummy .....sometimes I wake in the morning almost shaking....guess I'm kinda getting used to it aswell, just feels "normal" to me now but as I said it's on and off.

I hope with your therapy it can ease it a little bit by bit. That anxious feeling is so horrible, I know the smallest thing can trigger it for me.

((((HUGS)))

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

Right now I feel so alone, I am having a very difficult time right now with so much pain inside of me...I miss my mom right now so very much and I have no one to talk to about her with out getting the siblings all up in arms by saying not to be sad and mom would not want you to be sad...

I am sad and I have the right to be sad when I want to be.... My family does not feel the same way toward my mom as I did... She was my life and now she is gone I have no one to talk with except my therapists and they can only do so much... Shelley

[loulou]

Shelly,I know that feeling...my whole family didn't feel even half what I felt for my dad.It was more like loathing.It puts a wall between the rest of my family and I.We have EVERY right to feel sad.I cant stand when people expect me to not be sad.I'm sorry for your pain,and I'm there with you.I'm thinking of you.((hugs))

[niamh]

we are there with you Shelley and always feel free to tell us little stories about your Mom if you feel like it. I too hate when people say "your Dad wouldn't want you to be sad" coz I know him well enough to know he would want me to be whatever way I feel, he would not want me to pretend to be anything other than how I am, and Im sure your Mom and loulou's Dad are the same, they must know our pain and sadness and I'm sure they wish they could fix it for us.

So yep we have every right to feel anything for however long,

hugs and love always to you

niamh

xox

[STARKISS]

Hi Niamh,

Thanks for all your encouraging words, I have had a rough time lately.. I have been dealing with the abuse issues about my dad, health problems that have come up all of a sudden and missing my mom so very much... Shelley