Two Deaths In 3 Weeks - Torn And Shredded Up Inside

[izzy]

I am overwhelmed.

On July 25, 2009 I had to say goodbye to my precious "Kitty". I was told July 8th she had kidney failure. I decided to give her IV fluids, and in 17 days she died. It was sad and painful to say the least. I loved her dearly, and caring for her in her final days was both painful and deeply meaningful and I gave her all of my heart and cared for her till her final moments. I pressed on, and found some strength and hope in deciding to love my other cat Oscar more deeply and committing to give all my attention to loving him more.

I was told in January of this year that Oscar had a heart murmur. The vet did not tell me at that time that it was serious. He told me what symptoms to watch out for, and what to do should Oscar present any of these problems. I dearly love Oscar, and soon after he came last winter, I fell in love with him. I was falling more and more in love with him. After my hospice with Kitty was finished, and a week of crying over her passing, I turned all my love and attention towards Oscar. I felt a new beginning with him. His precious heart was so open, and I allowed my heart to open even more to him, in hopes that now that I was not needing to focus on a dying Kitty, we could now begin to develop our deeper loving connection.

To my shock and despair, Oscar dropped to the floor Tuesday morning, August 11th. I picked up his limp body and held him close only to feel him leave within seconds. I called the vet, yesterday, only to find out that his heart condition was actually worse than the vet had told me. I am sickened with overwhelming sadness, and angry that the vet did not give me all the information back in January. Had I known that his heart condition was more than an innocent murmur, I would have pursued additional testing and explored further treatment.

I cannot begin to express the depth of anguish and complete sadness I feel over the loss of this beautiful cat. His presence changed my life in so many ways. And the absence of his loving eyes feels more than unbearable. I fear this awfulness will never end. I cannot imagine how I will ever be happy again. I keep seeing his caring eyes, and I burst into tears all over again. It just goes on and on and on. I really was still grieving the first loss, and now I am swallowed up in the loss of my precious boy. It was hard enough to lose Kitty, but she lived a good long life, and somehow that seemed easier to accept. Oscar was still a little boy. I only had him 8 months. I was falling in love with him.

I feel that life is very cruel. I don't know now if I believe in a loving God. I can't believe that this could happen, only two and a half weeks after losing my Kitty. I feel I want to just give up and die, and then at least I might be able to be with them. I keep thinking that another day things will get better, but in fact, each day is getting more and more painful and dark. I am afraid of what lies ahead. I fear I may never recover from this terrible shocking blow.

I feel I am losing touch with everything. I feel I cannot cope. The sadness is totally off the scale. I feel as if I have been raped and robbed.

I am overwhelmed and at a total loss how to move on.

Thank you all for listening and caring.

Sue

Here is a picture of Oscar loving my friend Dale.

I will always love you, beautiful Oscar!! Forever !! I want to world to know how deeply I love you. I hope you know how much I miss you, and how deeply I love you.

[Susan Shropshire]

Izzy, I know how devastated you are at this time. I lost my beloved Zack just two and 1/2 weeks ago. He was a gorgeous Siberian Husky that had reached the amazing age of 14 1/2! He was born only two months after my daughter so we saw him as a member of our family. His last 8 weeks were spent barely being able to walk due to arthritis and he had started to lose control of his bowel movements. It was a sad situation for him.

We had to make the terribly devastating decision to have him euthanized. I immediately felt regret and wanted him back. I felt regret for not spending more time with him, finding someway to make it easier for him to walk and more. I was overwhelmed and spent most of the next couple of days crying. We have 3 other dogs and two cats and I, like you, threw all my attention toward them. I have also found comfort in finding ways to keep busy.

Try to find someway to keep yourself occupied and find something that will bring you a little joy. Maybe start a blog about your beloved babies and help other people who are going through the same situation. or maybe volunteer at a local shelter or vet and spend time with animals that need you. Do it in honor of your lost loved ones.

I also lost another loved one three years ago. We had Barney for 13 years and he had cancer. We first found it in his mouth and they were able to take it out but it then came back in his throat and probably all over his body and they were not able to operate. We had to have him euthanized since the only other option was to let him starve to death. So, I know how hard it is to lose more than one but of course we had a little longer to heal between deaths.

Also, know that God is a loving God. He gave them to you as companions for the short time that they were here and know that he loves them just as much as you do. You know it says that he watches the sparrow and knows what happens to them so we know that he watches our pets as well. As with our human loved ones, we never know the reason for their passing but we have to know that there is a bigger plan that we are unaware of.

I know the anger at the Vet as well. We gave Zack medication for his arthritis and as it progressed the vet wanted to give us lower doses due to the effects the medication would have on him. I just wanted to be with us as long as possible. I have a friend that has a dog with a heart condition and I can tell you from her experience that there isn't a lot of options. She has paid quite a lot of money and spend a lot of time researching alternatives and hasn't been able to find any solutions. Don't beat yourself or the vet up. I don't think there would have been anything more for you to do than to just love him.

Know that with time the pain will get easier. I know that it will never go away but you will begin to function again. Just know that they would not want you to stop living, they would want to you to remember them and remember all the joy they brought you.

I will keep you in my prayers so that you may receive some comfort during this horrible time.

Susan

PS Attached is a photo of my baby Zack

[smiley]

I am so sorry about your losses. Beautiful picture of Oscar. Our beloved pets become such a part of us because of their unconditional love that they give to us on a daily basis. I felt the same way when I had to euthanize my baby girl Peppers. I was upset and angry with God because I had to make a deicsion that I never wanted to make. Time does help when it cames to the healing process. It has been about five years since I lost Peppers. I still miss her terribly but the pain is no longer a daily emotion to deal with. When I was working through my grief I found that keeping a journal was very helpful. I wrote down the emtions that I was experiencing and all the good memories of Peppers.