My Dear Son Corey

[Eiram812]

Everyone I had my birthday in August. It was so difficult because I did not receive the call from my son. I tried everything, calling Corey's son. Talking to his best friends and most of all talking to my two other children. (love them all dearly) still today I need that call I always get from him saying "happy birthday". Now I have to climb another hurdle, his birthday is in two weeks and I don't know how to deal with not talking to him. I think of his birth, today I was looking, just looking for something of his. I found his birth certificate, his shot records, his foot prints. That seemed not to be enough so I just kept looking but found nothing else. I found his newborn pictures, and so many pictures of him over the years. That still wasn't enoug. I don't know what I was looking for but, no matter how much I found it was not enough.Losing my son is so painful and I am so tired, just so tired of hurting. My son died doing what he loved "riding his motorcycle" a car turned off in front of him and he could not stop and he died at the scene. That day March 21, 2009 my life changed forever. A part of me is missing that will never be returned, never be replaced. What am I going to do when his birthday comes? I remember when I held him the 1st time, kissed him the 1st time, changed his diaper the 1st time, and then held him for the last time, watched him crawl, walk and grow into the man he is. I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do!! I wish there was something that eased the pain. I am getting so tired of hurting, so tired.

Just pray for me.

[MartyT]

My dear friend,

I'm so very sorry that it is the sudden, unexpected death of your precious son that led to your finding your way to us, but I hope this place will be for you (as it is for the rest of us) a source of support and unconditional love.

I understand completely your longing for your son and your search for something, anything to fill that empty hole in your heart, and I appreciate the pain of your not hearing his voice over the telephone saying, "Happy Birthday, Mom!" It is yet another loss, added to all the rest of him that you've been forced to give up against your will.

I cannot tell you what to do for your son's birthday two weeks from now, but I strongly encourage you to acknowledge it in some way that is meaningful to you. Please don't wait until the day is upon you to decide what to do with it ~ Even if you decide to do nothing at all, at least let it be because you planned it with that intention.

If you have the energy to do so, you might consider creating your own personal ritual of remembrance, as a way to honor your son and lend expression to your grief.

Personal Grief Rituals can be any loving activities that help you remember your boy, and give you a sense of connectedness, healing and peace. Creating and practicing personal grief rituals can also help you release painful situations and unpleasant memories, freeing you to make your memories a positive influence in your life.

You might try writing an article, an anecdote, a story, a poem, a song, a letter, an obituary or a eulogy for your son.

You could buy a very special candle, decorate it and light it in honor of your son, or memorialize him in cyberspace by lighting a virtual candle at Light a Candle Online.

Find a book on coping with the loss of a loved one, and donate it to your local library or school. Ask the librarian to place a label inside the front cover inscribed “In memory of [your son’s name].”

Plant a tree, bush, shrub, garden or flower bed as a permanent growing memorial to your son, and mark the site with a memorial plaque, marker, bench or statue.

Write a special note, letter, poem, wish or prayer to your son, go outside, attach the paper to a balloon and let it go – or place it in a vessel and burn it, and watch the smoke rise heavenward.

Ask relatives, friends, co-workers and neighbors to gather their contributions, and put together a scrapbook or box of memories containing mementos, letters and photographs of your son.

Visit the Memorials ~ Funerals ~ Rituals page of my Grief Healing Web site for dozens of other ideas.

[JonKoisMom]

Hi E.

I hope it's ok that I abreviated your name. I went to The Compassionate Friends chat room one time(I don't do well with a chat room) and not even thinking about it, made my name there JonKoisMom, because I am his Mom but when I got in the chat room, everyone was calling me Jon and it really bothered me but I was so desperately trying to keep up that I didn't say anything. Though I could see your son's name is Corey, you still don't really know a person's name unless they disclose it. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I'll be praying for you. Jon used to always call me too. I liked the idea of making a memorial for your son. I was looking online for a spray that the mortuary sells to care for headstones. Never found that, but I did see a Memorial rock. The last time Jon was over to my house was for his, another son, Jason, and my granddaughter's birthdays. All my other adult children live with me and my Jason and my other son, David had a vegetable garden growing. Huge squash, lots of leaves. So we made a little area behind the garden to sit and talk. Though the garden is dying off, from the Arizona heat, I'm really thinking about getting one of those rocks to place in our garden so we can all remember the last time he talked and laughed with us. After his choking incident, he lived for 5 more days but he wasn't there because he was brain-dead. I will pray that God will find you a special memory that you can build ideas around. It's times like these that we would just like to be able to hug each other and cry together.