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Sept 13, 1904

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He has been dead for 30 years as of Aug 13, 2009. He was an alcoholic, and i was never close to him but what a void i have in my life. I wish i knew what it was like to have a dad, if you understand what i mean. My mom did everything for us, and she just died 2-2-08, but that is another story. I miss my dad and wish i could have told him that i loved him. No, i wish i WOULD HAVE told him. He was always there and i could have told him at any time, we just were not close. Anyway, we are taking flowers to him and my mom today. Thanks for listening.

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My dad's b'day is today too. He has been gone 19 years and I still think about him. I feel bad because I was going to go to the cemetery this afternoon and a friend called and asked me to go to a winery with her. It was such a beautiful day and I've been so down that I decided to go. I know he'll understand but I'm feeling a little guilty.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I read that even if you weren't close to a parent, you sometimes grieve even more than someone who was close. You grieve for person and then also for the relationship you didn't have with them.

I understand how you feel, my parents were divorced so I wasn't as close to my Dad as I would have been. I'm trying to find a way to put it all to rest and not let sad thoughts stay in my head for so long. It's hard though. I would have loved to be closer to my Dad but when you don't live with someone, it's hard to be close in that parent/child way. I told him I loved him all the time yet words don't change anything or fill that void, at least they didn't for me. I'm glad I was close to my Mom but then I also feel very protective of her, so that leads me to have anger at my Dad. Yet, I grieve for him too. It's a complicated circle of sadness that I wish I could get out of.

I hope you find some peace about your relationship with your Dad. I'm sure he knew how you felt. Someone once told me when I was feeling guilty about my Dad that it wasn't my sole responsibility to create a great relationship with him. He could have changed things if he wanted to put me as a priority. The truth is, he left my Mom knowing he was leaving me too. That's a choice he made. When I looked at it that way, it gave me a different perspective on it. It wasn't just up to you to create a great relationship with your Dad.

And Mary Linda, I hope you went to the winery and enjoyed yourself without feeling guilty. (((hugs)))

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