My Darling Baby Is Gone

[Leswolf]

After several months of illness and surgery including many hospitalizations I had to put my darling Duckers to sleep last night. I am beside myself with grief and guilt. I cannot bear the pain of her not being with me. She was with me for 14 years and it was the best time of my life.

Last April she was diagnosed with liver cancer and I was forced to make the difficult decision of treatment by means of a very dangerous surgery or euthanasia. I decided to go for the surgery and thankfully she made it through although it was very close. She began to recover only to get sick with a terrible urinary tract infection. This made her recovery so much harder. We tried every antibiotic to no avail and after months of treatment we chose a rare antibiotic that was our last hope. Unfortunately, after throughout the treatment Duckers health appeared to be declining. She rarely ate and needed to be coaxed to her food. I cooked for her and did everything to make her comfortable and healthy. She just got worse and eventually went into kidney failure. I rushed her in to the vet again and she was hospitalized for three days. With some signs of recovery I was able to take her home. For the next week, however, she ate less and less and got weaker and weaker. I tried everything again to no avail. She finally got so sick and weak that I had no choice but to help her from her suffering.

So last night was the night and I am heartbroken and empty. I cannot believe she is gone and I just wish she was here with me but healthy. I hope I did not do anything to prolong her suffering but I can't help but think I did. Not only that but it was so difficult to let her go because she just looked at me as if she didn't want to leave. I hope I made the right decision for her and I pray she is feeling young again and knows that I will be with her again. I can't bear the thought of not seeing her again and I can't bear the pain of her not being with me.

[MartyT]

My dear friend, I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your beloved companion, and I hope you know you are among others here who understand and share your pain. I invite you (and others reading this) to listen to an interview about this different grief that I hope you'll find helpful: Help with Pet Loss

If for any reason you're unable to connect to the site to listen to this program, please do visit this page of my Grief Healing Web site, which will point you to some other useful and informative resources: Pet Loss Articles.

[quink42]

Leswolf, I carefully read your entire post, and for the life of me, I cannot find ANYTHING that you did wrong!!!! I know how you feel, and we all feel guilt that's gut wrenching when our baby goes to be with the Lord.....I lost my dog on August 7th, and still cry every day because I gave her a bone that splintered, etc. But you did everything RIGHT, and you have to believe and understand this. Our pets just don't live long enough, and that's a fact of life that's very hard to accept. But there are other doggies out there that NEED us, and if you decide to adopt another one, you'd be surprised how just taking care of it helps your grieving. I am not 'over' my other dog, but at least my new puppy gives me a reason to come home to a 'not so empty' house. Not having a dog was just not an option for me, because I couldn't stand the 'quietness' without one. I needed to be 'taking care' of something besides the house and myself, and I bet you do too.....

[Leswolf]

Quink thank you so much for your post. I will be adopting in the near future....just giving myself sometime to grieve.

I am still beside myself as she was the absolute love of my life. being left behind is the worst.

[Leswolf]

Quink I'm sorry for your loss...hope you are well

[smiley]

My prayers goes out to you on the loss of your beloved pet. It sounds like you did everything in your power and out of your love for your beloved pet to save her life. It is normal to have doubts and to second guess ourselves when we have to make that difficult decision of euthazing our beloved pets. You have to remember that you made the best decision with the information that you had at that time. Also that you performed the greatest act of love that any pet owner can do for their pet. I lost my Peppers to lung cancer 5 years ago and had to make that difficult decision to euthazie her. I only had her for a few weeks between the time that I was told she had cancer and then I had to make that decision. It got to the point of where she would not eat and had trouble breathing. I remember the doubts and secound guessing myself afterwards. Then coming home to a empty house expecting for her to meet me at the front door which of course did not happen. This only made the grief and pain I was experiencing worse. I did end up adopting 2 new furballs a week after losing Peppers because for me this was the best medicine to help me through the grief. I honestly believe that Peppers is waiting for me on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge. I am also a Christian and I believe the bible does support this view in it's own way because it takes about our heavenly father wanting us to be happy in heaven and being with Peppers would make me happy there. I hope my words have provided you some comfort in your hour of sorrow.